Man sent by social services to give 86 year old a shower?

i think she had a right to demand a female carer.

When my Mum was in hospital male nurses & carers would help her wash and go to the loo and she said she was fine with it (apart from one new chap who was very rough, but complaints were made and he vanished). But TBH it's a bit different in a hospital ward (where you're anything BUT alone) to being on your own with a strange man in your house - for one thing.
Let us know what the care managers say ... It seems completely reasonable to ask for all females for personal care (or at the least makes she's okayed beforehand!)

My DH used to provide this type of care in the community. It really infuriated him when he was sent to provide care to females where they had to strip off. He found it really inappropriate and very unfair for the service user/patient.

It's not about them doing a professional job, it's about the impact on the person at the centre of it.

A high proportion of women live with varying degrees of trauma from male violence. The idea of traumatised women reaching the point of needing carers and being put in a position where they're forced to receive that from men (either in their home or a care home or hospital) makes me feel physically sick. What a horrifying way to pass the final years of your life.

It's barbaric. Not least of all when we fail traumatised survivors of male violence throughout their lives from the moment they're victimised onwards.

Actually a lot of men prefer to receive care from male carers as they find having care from women embarrassing.

However they don't have any choice as there aren't many male carers.

Every time I've worked in a team with a male nurse/carer he's been really busy with requests from men that would prefer men only.

Also requests for female only carers are surprisingly rare - totally valid but surprisingly rare - even in elderly women who you might think would prefer it. Carers are doing a professional job.

Unless it's specified, carers can be of either sex. Most men are cared for by women because there's a shortage of male carers.

SS will have a promoting independence team that will start going in once the 6 weeks is up and SS are likely going to search for a long term provider.

It's likely they have not done their long term assessment yet though. Make sure someone is with her when they go to do this.

Unfortunately in some areas it's a nightmare getting carers because it's low paid shit work tbf- I had a lady who wouldn't accept a male carer so the agency gave notice and no one else would pick it up as they couldn't guarantee female only due to the staff they had and the routes etc. Lady ended up in a care home as there was no care for her... male carers in the care home too!

OP can I just point out that it’s likely you will get times other than the 8-9 that you’ve been quoted . When we had a private care agency in last year for my mum they were often late and on occasion didn’t show up at all and that’s an agency with a Good rating from the CQC .

I work in a community nhs team, our male staff provide personal care. Female patients can request women only but we cannot guarantee it.

There are an increasing number of men in the local care agencies too.

It's really difficult from both perspectives. A lot of our patients really like our men, as they are all very calm, kind gentle people but I can understand why they wouldn't like it. But we have to recruit according to equal ops and have a lot male staff.

@Frequency so if as a man I choose to self Id as a woman would I then get female carers only?

Having never experienced such a situation nor been trained on one (yet) I'm not sure. The pensioners of today don't really see/hear much about gender and self-id. They're all fairly happy that they are what they are and don't (for the most part) claim to be unicorns or genderless aliens. Some of them are utterly convinced they're healthy, virile 21 year olds. That makes for some interesting situations when you have them naked in the bedroom and you're opposite gender/the gender they are attracted to.

Many men don't want females delivering their personal care either, which is completely fair enough

Ime, the opposite is true. Men tend to prefer females to carry out personal care for obvious reasons although there are a lot of men who prefer older females and will refuse the younger ones because it's "wrong" for "young girls" to be seeing them naked.

I'm sure one day we'll come across a spritely gentlemen who is social media savvy and will claim to be a woman and we'll all smile and nod be shipped out to do diversity training but as of yet it hasn't happened. The men are men and like women to do their personal care and the women are women and also like women to do their personal care.

Agree with asking to see care plan, it iirc should be in a folder in her house.

would we say the same if a female (woman) carer was sent to administer personal care to an elderly man? Probably not
Many men don't want females delivering their personal care either, which is completely fair enough. The only problem is not nearly as many males work in the field thus it becomes more problematic to get a male carer a lot of the time.

@Frequency so if as a man I choose to self Id as a woman would I then get female carers only?

Mrs that's because as females we are socialized to be modest. To not show our bodies to males that we are not intimate with. Not to mention the fact that 98% of all sexual assaults are committed by males against females.

Males are not brought up this way but they too have the choice to have a male support worker instead of female.

You need to check what's in her care plan
She should have one and can request no males for personal care.

As an aside the male carers I've worked with were, on the whole, kinder and gentler than a lot of the females. We had some ladies actually requesting a particular male carer because of how respectful and lovely he was. One of them, aged 98, said "I'm sure hes seen titties before"

Yes it is entirely inappropriate and she does have a right to request female only. I would make a complaint. I shouldn't think many females would want a male delivering their personal care, regardless of age. She should have a care plan too. The agency will have been given a copy. One should have also been sent to, (and signed by) your aunt.

Dont wait!!!

It's not a complaint you are making. It's your relatives choice which is totally allowed.
Dont let her be put in this position again poor love.

Just call them say a male was sent today and your aunt is not comfortable with personal care being done by a male so can you send females please.

I don’t think any woman of any age would want a man to shower her. This is totally unacceptable - especially at home alone and vulnerable.

Interesting though - would we say the same if a female (woman) carer was sent to administer personal care to an elderly man? Probably not.

Although I'm nowhere near 80 and I wouldn't want a man to shower me.

I think its very insensitive of the care people to send a male to shower an 86 year old woman
She's from a completely different generation and this should be taken in to account
I don't think any female over 60 would want a male carer to help her in her personal care