The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

My, it's interesting to hear that the GP made the care home recommendation. I never would have thought of asking the GP for a recommendation, so that's a good tip if ever I need it.

No the carer isn't private, they're supplied by the local council.

Mum could afford to pay for private care should the need ever arise though, so it's something that would have to be considered as and when.

Top that sounds positive.

In terms of the future, can your mum afford to pay for care? I’m guessing the current carer isn’t a private one?

My I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm lucky that I live very local to my DM (less than 5mins by car) so can visit her often. The hospital did provide discharge care and she has a lady who goes in twice a day. Tbh I don't think she'll keep the arrangement for long as DM is finding it fairly easy to do things such as getting washed and dressed, straightening her bed and making simple things to eat. She just wants to sleep a lot at the moment (still getting over the lack of sleep in hospital) but the carer arrives early in the morning and due to lack of time it's 'get up, let's get you in the bathroom, ok time to eat...' and she doesn't want to be rushed to do anything. The carer has been turning up before 11am some days for the lunchtime visit to make lunch and DM isn't ready or willing to eat at that time! I go round of an evening to make sure she's got a hot evening meal and do a few small chores or take her in bits of shopping. She's happily handed over her bank card and PIN so that I can get her shopping without any financial burden on me. I'm really pleased she's getting back to her old self slowly, but these past few weeks have really brought it home to me how difficult it would be if she became terminally ill or had more intense care requirements. Certainly food for thought how I'd manage it.

It looks like most of the regulars have found us, but I've put a link on the old thread to redirect any stragglers.

I think so many of us feel terrible guilt putting our parent/s into care and feel we should be able to cope. In my case, handing over the responsibility to people who knew what they were doing meant I could concentrate on being a better and more loving daughter. I also came to appreciate the many lovely aspects of her personality which had been masked by our being in constant conflict over the day to day stuff.

my many apologies- I meant to say so sorry for your loss.🌺
I can recognise what you say- my dh’s relationship with his df was transformed when he eventually went into a home after some very tough years
top that sounds tough- have you got other care in place? Did the hospital provide discharge care?

Hello all

Top how often are you going? Are you nearby?

Sorry for your loss My

Not the years living with me I'm afraid, I wish I could say different but they were hard for all concerned. Don't really want to go into how she and my DF came to be living with us but it wasn't planned for.

The turning point was her going into care, which happened almost by accident. DH and I were going on a much needed holiday and all of our back up plans for her care fell apart so I went in desperation to my GP. She recommended the place where my DM ended up, and where she was very happy and settled, and therefore so was I.

Hello all! my that’s interesting.... which years do you mean? The ones living with you or later?
Managed to get dm out today in wheelchair taxi- so much easier when she is able to get out. And more pleasant for me!

I've been a lurker but my DM died on Sunday after four years in dementia care and a very difficult three years before that living with us. What I would like to say to anyone not as far down the road as me is that I came to love my mother in a way I never thought possible. I can look back and say honestly that I'm glad I had these (unexpected) caring years as we made our peace and formed a bond we never had never had before.

I'll pop in occasionally. My widowed DM is fresh out of hospital after a 10 day stay and I'm trying my best to be supportive as well as hold down a FT job and look after my own house and family. She will hopefully not need quite as much support once she's fully mobile again but that could be a good few weeks yet. Currently doing her shopping, some cleaning, sorting her evening meal and a few other tasks.

I'm smiling to myself at the thread title. Whilst she was in hospital (big London hospital) I was sitting in the relatives room on the ward, waiting for her to come up from surgery, and I looked down to see a cockroach scuttling across the floor. Was pretty disgusted. It was the only one I ever saw over the 10 days there, but I'm not naive enough to think it was a lone intruder.

Hi I'll join you. Have two elderly parents living seperately neither keen to engage with support. Both quite eccentric. Dad always been much so and struggling to see if he know has dementia or not.

Yesterday had strange conversation with him about his feet, he was tackling them with a pebble (turned out to be a pumice stone so not so strange as it first sounded).

I just arranged a alarm with the council for him but he needs to call them and get it done. It is stuff like that. They want him to ring and give permission.

Checking in!