The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

BIL1 bought FIL an Alexa for Christmas. He says thank you to it😁

We have an alexa/echo doo dah for MIL, very useful and she has taken to it well. She refuses a diagnosis, but is 92 and has shown all the signs of dementia for a couple of years gradually getting worse- memory loss (cannot remember how to use kettle, every conversation is turned to her life in Malaya as a young woman, etc) falls, language confusion, obsessions, accusing, hoarding, sundowning, etc - such fun).

She uses it for day/date/time, music (she's Chinese so very useful for this) Chinese language radio (mandarin, cannot find one in her dialect), weather and news.

I use the 'drop in' function on the Alexa in the kitchen (DP obsessed with the things, they are everywhere except our bedroom!) to call her for meals.

Jace my mother calls me continually. She says her phone is flashing and beeping that I've called her. It's a four button dementia phone. She calls at 4, 5, 6 am multiple times. I've had to ask the staff to take her phone at night and return it at breakfast because she was waking me up (my aunt gets it too) and isn't there if I answer. I wonder if she's sleepwalking in her room at night.
Today she called me three times at work, says it's flashing at her saying I've called her. It's driving me bezerk. She has no memory of it if I mention it when I do call or visit.
I'm finding visiting really difficult unless I've got a reason. So I'm fine to and take her to the dr but going to see her is so hard because we get stuck in the same conversation on repeat ad nauseam.
I feel guilty if I don't go but I need not to go for my sanity.

Thank you to @grinchly as well . Memory clinic appointment soon. Hoping her dementia diagnosis is formalised so we can push for discounted Council Tax on her behalf. This board has been good for lots of reasons - but these money saving tips- dementia diagnosis means reduced council tax payment and order the AA form by post- really do help to make their funds go a little further. Today, with money on her tail, she is apparently considering having someone come in to help. Tiny step forward.

Avocado no, you’re not. I never use the word on here.

“What doesn't kill you gives you unhealthy coping mechanisms and a black sense of humour... ”

Yes. And in my case, removed what little goodwill I had for humanity. Though to be fair that might have happened anyway.

I really feel for you, two generations.

I mentioned somewhere, the book and film The Limehouse Golem are great. There’s a motif of shouting “here we are again” and I used to feel like screaming that hysterically every time I arrived at the hospital for dad.

Now it’s more like once a week dealing with mum. But the only way it stops is with my own death!!

Am I the only one that thought the title was a black humour reference to elderly parents that seem to survive far beyond expectations, rather like a cockroach in the aftermath of a nuclear bomb?

What doesn't kill you gives you unhealthy coping mechanisms and a black sense of humour... Currently dealing with two generations of older incapacitated adults, so the black humour has been coming out in spades

Woohoo rinse that’s brilliant news! So pleased!!! I did hear about it first on here from another mnetter- @grinchly I think....
it can make a big difference!

That's good news Rinse.

Thanks to @thesandwich MIL has received the lower level of attendance allowance back dated to when I sent for the forms BY POST.
Got the forms mid Oct so has news of backdated payment of £650 this morning. So about 11 weeks to get it processed. Some of this will be headed as donation to Age Concern who sent a volunteer to assist.

Top what would your mum use Alexa type stuff for? I'm not sure this tech is great for people who don't do tech in the first place.

Jace excellent cat tunnel.

Mum's got what I thought would be the final hospital appointment re her weight loss. She's done a u-turn and now wants the hospital to keep her on for appointments "in case" something is wrong. I'm a bit flummoxed tbh. Though I know she's very upset about her appearance; being underweight has aged her a great deal.

anyway, I talked to her very gently about it and she said if she is discharged, she won't push for further appointments, but I'm very puzzled by the u-turn generally.

Jace has she got a clock which shows the day? My DF has one like this: www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Clear-Clock-Extra-Large-Digital-Memory-Loss-Calendar-Dementia-Clock-Alarm-White-/303283909849

Haven't tried Siri or Alexa - DF is convinced that some organisation from a nearby town is sending him voice instructions via his mobile phone. It seems that a carer suggested he pulled his pyjama sleeves down to cover his arms when he was half asleep, and he now keeps telling me he's getting voice instructions. So I haven't dared to introduce another disembodied voice into the mix!

Loving the cat tunnel

Interested in the concept of using Alexa. I have a device in my house tied to my iPhone. It would be great for DM to have something similar that she could just talk to or use to dial, but she doesn't have an Apple device or smartphone. I got her the most basic cell phone and she even has trouble remembering how to use that (though mostly doesn't use it and then the SIM gets deactivated!!) Could I set up an Echo Dot in her house using my phone to activate it, or would that not be possible?

Jace the Echo Show has a screen, though they're considerably more expensive that the Dot. Good investment though if it would help your DM.

This cheered my day yesterday - could easily be DP Dcat (my 2 are not allowed in bedrooms)

Has anyone used google home or Alexa or Siri device for an elderly person with dementia
We are looking for something we can all remotely access to programme in DMs appointments and reminders but that will also respond to her asking what day is it etc
A visual prompt would also be helpful - I believe some can have a screen attached to them as well

DD and I are off to Krakow but DS is at home and DB may be available if needed
Dcat has taken up tunnelling

Yay for cats! I love the way they just sit there, looking all “whatevvaaaa”.

Jace presume she has an emergency contact while you’re away?

DM worried me somewhat this week her Alzheimer’s getting worse and she forgot where she lived and told the taxi driver to take her to her old home of her childhood (last lived there in 1960)
Thankfully driver knew her and where she lived so took her home and then let me know!
I also rang her on Thursday to make arrangements for next Wednesday and she thought it was still Monday so then thought I was seeing her 2 days after so expected me on Saturday!
On Friday she rang me 7 times in an hour but no idea why she rang me but had been trying to find my phone number!!!
I’m away next week for 4 days so anything could happen

I’m back with Dcats

Mere I meant posters on this board were presenting it that way and it's been suggested to me many times for mum, which puzzles me.

I won't go into the Guardian & politics on this board because that's not fair but if you pop over to Feminist Chat, you'll find lots of info. I appreciate the Guardian is not a hive mind of course.

The Guardian article doesn't seem to need a log in. But if it does ask you to log in, all you need to do is click the little cross in the top R of the panel to make it go away. Key bit of the article is"

You may qualify for AA if you are over 65 and have a physical disability (including sensory disability, such as blindness), a mental disability (including learning difficulties), or both and your disability is severe enough for you to need any of the following:

• Help with things such as washing (and getting in or out of the bath or shower), dressing, eating, getting to and using the toilet or communicating your needs;

• Supervision to avoid putting yourself or others in substantial danger, for example needing someone to keep an eye on your medical condition or diet.

I can’t see the Guardian article and I’m not creating a log in for that misogynistic rag. Why do you think the Guardian is misogynistic?

I might have misunderstood but it's often presented as "any elderly person with health issues can get it" I think they advertise it that way to stress it's not means tested - ie "everyone who needs it can get it" rather than "if you need it and don't have more than state pension to live on and no savings, you can get it".

I got it for my dad about 6 months ago. He has AF, but it doesn't cause any obvious ill effects, no dizziness or anything like that. He got it largely on general frailty (although of course we did list his medical problems and his medication). It seemed to be "if he was left to himself would he be able to stay in good health?" So we stressed things like not able to reliably take medications (resulting in oedema and falls, backed up by dates of hospital admissions), needing to be reminded to move around (and be turned at night) else skin breakdown and ulcers (backed up by history of district nurse visits), not able to reach to clean properly after the toilet, or to wash his hair, needing to be reminded to drink, to be encouraged to eat. And being in a nursing home helped (although if the Council is paying for any home, you can't get AA) - it demonstrated that he needed a high level of care. I didn't get Age Concern help, but one of my friends used to work with the elderly assessing their needs, so she knew the language ("fiercely independent" = aggressive with it, use "resolutely independent" if you mean "bloody stubborn" ) and what they were looking for.

country ah, I see.

I was just raising it as I’m so surprised by the number of posters saying everyone can get it. Mum would be telling lies to get it and obvious she’s not going to do that! I only know it exists because of this board.

One of mum’s friends said to me”trust me, I’ll collect every penny I can from the state but even I wouldn’t apply for that”. 😂