The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

nota I can’t remember, does she have carers in?

Doubly I'm afraid (hence why she is getting through so many pants). I think it may be a case of not getting to the loo on time, but I think dementia also plays a part.

I'll have a look at waterproof pants, thanks Dint.

Incontinent of urine or doubly incontinent? I she dripping, or is she forgetting to go and flooding? If dripping, could you start with panty-liners and work up from there? Would waterproof pants be any good? - nowadays they feel like soft cotton and can be quite pretty, they're not the crinkly horrors of old.

Remember if you're buying specialist things, like incontinence pants, and you can claim a disability rather than simple old age, you don't have to pay VAT. May be more trouble than it's worth, eg download declaration form and reclaim after the event, or some companies (eg Cosyfeet) make it easy for you.

DM is becoming increasingly incontinent. But I'm pretty sure she is in a mixture of denial and just not realising due to the dementia. I'm really not sure what I would gain from talking to her about it, or whether I should just go along with the denial. She's likely to get angry with me if I raise it with her.

I've had to buy her a load of underwear at the weekend (at her request), so on some level she knows. I've also taken on doing her clothes washing as she doesn't always remember how to use the machine, or forgets to add detergent, or leaves the clothes sat in it for days.

I might start with buying her some pads 'in case of emergencies'.

Any thoughts?

I am so sorry for your loss xx

Sorry for your loss Jam

Sorry for your loss Jam. I've reread your previous post where you talk about guilt for not doing more - you have young kids and you can only do so much, so please don't go there.

Sorry to hear that Jam

So very sorry jam. What a shock.

I’m so sorry jam 🌺🌺

Jam of course, we're here whenever you need us.

Thanks AutumnRose, I'm on autopilot to be honest. My dh will look after the children while I go back to mum and dads shortly. I'll have a look at the bereavement board too. Will be back when it all starts to sink in.

Jam condolences to you and yours.

Are you being looked after?

Re your dad, everyone’s so different. You will have to watch out for what he needs in case he can’t quite string a sentence together yet, if you see what I mean.

Do you know there’s a bereavement section on here, in case that’s helpful?

Much love to you

Hi, I posted on here last night about my mum but sadly she passed away last night shortly after I posted. Thank you for the advice and support given to me, just worried about my dad now as he cared for her from the start and he now feels so lost without her.

thesandwich tbh the biggest challenge is FIL. He copes ok as long as everything is ticking along as he wants it to, but he won't accept reality and as soon as there is a problem he goes to pieces and wants OH to sort it. A few weeks ago his bank detected a fraudulent transaction on his debit card. Checked with him and stopped card, all fine except he then panicked and phoned DH in tears thinking he wouldn't be able to buy food until the new card came. DH had to point out he could use his credit card or go into a branch and get cash. He also makes huge leaps of imagination. Last week, after listening to half an hour of fretting about a broken mug, DH said " we all have problems, you just have to deal with them and move on" . FIL apparently couldn't sleep he was so upset because that meant we were splitting up!

girl sounds a massive challenge. Sending 🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫☕️Whatever helps.

Heart, not heartbreaking. Possibly heart failure

MIL is in hospital. She had a 15 minute seizure Thursday morning and it was several hours before she came to properly. She also has a very swollen and painful knee. CT scan ruled out another stroke so she is staying in for observation and to find out what is wrong with her knee. MRI scan sometime next week.
FIL has again convinced himself that SS will pay for 24 hour carers at home for her if he pops his clogs. He was convinced of that when she first came home and despite SS making it very clear to him when I told them what he thought he's back there again. No point arguing with him. Just like he won't admit he won't cope with a 2 hour queue to see Flyball at Crufts (he has Parkinson's) or that MIL won't cope with an at least 3 hour journey on the morning of DS2s wedding and be fit to attend the ceremony at 3 (she finds travelling exhausting and gets car sick).
We've been convinced that DM has dementia but now she has finally been to the doctor he thinks she has a heartbreaking problem that may be causing her confusion so it's an echocardiogram for her next week.
DH is getting over his second nasty chest infection since November.
Work has been a nightmare with a major review of the project I'm working on but at least it looks like we are back on again, if at a reduced scope.
But other than that and the weather all is good!

jam

Mere could you manage a 3rd cat? I don't know how much space you have. We already have 3! We kept both the kittens - tabby & white kitten is busily training up DS. We have been up to 6 in the past - I think 3 is the most I can realistically have and still pay enough attention to all of them.

Thanks the sandwich and everyone who's replied, feel a bit better now. Will go to bed now and get some sleep.

Hi Yolofish, thanks for replying. Yes it's big comfort that mum can still understand me, I'm lucky that she still can.

jam hand hold from me too.

Thanks for the advice AutumnRose. I'm visiting mum again in the morning so I'll talk about the things she used to like before she was ill.