The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

Welsh sounds very appealing. Lovely language, but when I found out how many ways there were of forming plurals, I decided on Russian instead. The alphabet was a piece of cake compared to learning Welsh.

@notaflyingmonkey I love the idea of learning Welsh in bite sized portions. As the the great granddaughter of someone who was forced to wear the "Welsh Not" I feel a responsibility to keep the language alive.

My choice of pasta went down well last night so that was a positive.

Thanks to advice from @AutumnRose1 I now have my MP on the case. Regardless of his politics I trust him/his office to investigate. He has been helpful in the past and kept his word.

My husband has also been chasing the Council and is currently on the phone to a carers support finding out what we should have had and where the failings have happened.

So he now has ammunition to speak to the Council again. So - "Seconds away! Round 2!"

(BTW feeling much more positive today!)

Wow, that's impressive Countrygirl.

You can download an app for your phone or do the course on a computer Autumn, the FB group I'm on reckon the difference is that the non app version has learning notes, whereas the app doesn't.

Sorry to everyone else for derailing the thread with my ramblings.

I use Duolingo too. I'm learning g Spanish. I'm nearly all through the tree and I'll do another language when I have finished it. They don't have Finnish and I think the Chinese is Mandarin whereas I would like to learn Cantonese so I will probably go for Swedish.

I had no idea it was free!! Thank you!

DF was Welsh, and there is something quite poetic for me about the language, hearing it sung etc. I find it a relatively restful hobby with the added bonus of being free. (I suspect I won't ever be appearing in an Eisteddfod though!)

nota I’ve not much talent for languages but for some reason, Welsh sounds very appealing. Well, probably because I went once and found it to be very very beautiful.

For those of you in the trenches at the moment

I can recommend the Aldi candles which won't help with the pasta choice hairbrush but may bring a moment of calm.

In a bid to find myself a hobby that I can manage and not add to my stress I have been learning Welsh on Duolingo. It's about 5 minutes a day, and to my shame, I have learnt how to cheat the system, but hey, it doesn't really matter because I just needed to do something manageable that was for me and wasn't work/family.

I can say 'I like coffee' and not much else so far. The list of things that we learn about can be quite amusing - 'Megan is wearing stockings.' Or maybe it is just that I am easily amused.

Quirrel and hairbrush, I’m so sorry you’re having such bad times.

Thank you @MereDintofPandiculation and @Toofaroutallmylife, that makes sense.
Just been to visit. She's in a sorry state. My sister made a comment that if she had a terminal illness there would be a big palliative care package but because it's heart failure - which is equally terminal - it's treated differently.
I need to get on the phone tomorrow.

Unfortunately I have not had a call from the Social Worker so have left another message for her. DH phoned Carers Wales and they were shocked that we are still hanging around 9 months after we first asked for help.

So I have taken your excellent advice and written to my MP.

Having spent so much time in bed mum is now really weak and can not get herself into bed, she can barely get from the bed to the toilet so in order to go shopping I have had to leave her in the bedroom again.

I will encourage her to get up this evening so we can watch tv together but it won't be easy.

You know you are not coping when you start crying in Aldi because you can't decide what pasta to get!

Question(because I'm too tired to spend hours googling). If she were to go into a care home self funded could she still apply for LA funding? She has very little savings but her income is reasonably good and her house is worth about £100k.

House will fund 2 years of care, after which LA will take over provided they feel she needs care home, which by that time she will.

While you're self funding you can claim attendance allowance (which isn't means tested) which, if you get it, will help a little. But if LA is contributing to cost of care home, you can't get AA.

If funding depends on sale of house, usually LA will defer, so you have time to sell.

Quirrels (fancy meeting you here!) - as I understand it, if you don’t have enough cash to be over the cash threshold of £23k but have a house, the council may be able to put in place a deferred payment arrangement pending the sale of the house. Do you have a helpful social worker you can discuss this with? Or have a look on the council website - search for “paying for adult social care”. Sorry it’s just one damn thing after another for you

Spent the night awake waiting for the phone. Fortunately it didn't ring but I still didn't sleep due to pain.
I know mum's house will have to be sold but until that happens she hasn't enough money to pay for more than a few weeks.

So sorry hairbrush and quirrel for all the stuff you are having to deal with.
hairbrush there should be emergency social workers- check la website? Would a commode help? Keep fighting. 🌺🌺🍷🍷 could respite care be an option? You sound at breaking point.
yolo keep fighting for your dm. Good luck.
cockroach all.

MP! Never occurred to me. Typical politician but with an amazing memory for names and details and someone we were involved with when he was younger. Always chats when we bump into him and still calls my mum "Auntie". I might give him a try if I get nowhere by lunch time tomorrow.

I feel awful but I have my weekend with my daughter to look forward to.

Hairbrush you sound like someone at breaking point. Can you hit the phones tomorrow and just call every line you can find for social services until you find someone who can help? If not, go lateral. Email her MP, the GP, anyone and everyone. Age concern may also be worth trying.

quirrels no L A funding. Unless there is a remaining partner the house will need to be sold.
They will take all bar the last 23k.
There is provision for nhs continuing care but that really is only for intensive hospital level incapacity- terminal illness etc, and is almost impossible to get.
Sorry

I just want to bang my head against the wall. Nine months ago when mum went into hospital we started to ask for help. We contacted the people we were told to contact, I asked for a Carer's Assessment and we were promised the moon. It was all too good to be true.

We were first told that the assessment would take place before she was released from hospital. But that didn't happen.

I chased them and found we hadn't even been referred. In Novemeber the Social Worker came and did a joint assessment on us both - I had no opportunity to speak to her in private and explain the negative effect that caring for her was having on me and my family.

Five weeks ago I spoke to the SW on the phone. She asked if I had completed and returned a particular form which she was supposed to have sent me but hadn't so said she would send it by email.

After the weekend from hell - changing mum's sheets four times a day, scrubbing the floor and carpet, washing her, husband having to help me pick her up off the floor when she fell - I went to the surgery this morning and asked for the SW (she doesn't work in the surgery on Mondays apparently) and I said how worried I was and that she had diarrhoea for a week. The lovely receptionist (I can't fault her - she was lovely) went off and spoke to the GP who sent her back with the suggestion that we should call Social Services and get a care package in place!

It has already been agreed that she needs a care package (although she is insisting she won't have it) but right now I am feeling that I would rather see her in a home than keep doing what I am doing right now.

I can not stop crying. I am having to stay with her because she can no longer make it from her bed to her ensuite bathroom, let alone from the living room.

@notaflyingmonkey It was me that called the ambulance. Mum rang me (instead of pressing the call button she had on around her neck). She was gasping for breath and I'm 40 minutes away. I didn't see the point in waiting until I got there to call an ambulance. There is a DNR in prominent position in the kitchen. I'm not too sentimental where mum is concerned but I couldn't not go.
@Toofaroutallmylife (Hi Skap from cancer thread here). Yes carers are going in. She will have basic needs met by carers, also friends and family ringing and popping in during the day. She's scared at night I guess. I would be. We have made it clear to mum and SS that we are not doing regular daily caring and she won't be able to stay with either of us. We will of course be calling, visiting doing shopping, etc but definitely not going over to get her up every morning.
The care package agreed was totally inadequate but they are upping it now and going to do a "roving night call".
We have LPAs both financial and health registered but she still has capacity.
Question(because I'm too tired to spend hours googling). If she were to go into a care home self funded could she still apply for LA funding? She has very little savings but her income is reasonably good and her house is worth about £100k.

Quirrels - it’s so hard. Are the carers going in now? We went through similar last year but DM only lasted 3 weeks at home before being readmitted to hospital. DM was then assessed as not having capacity, which just created a different set of issues.

I’m afraid that after a while you have to develop a clear set of boundaries and make sure social services are aware of them too. But you have my sympathy- it’s a horrible place to be

Quirrels along with many others on this thread, I feel your pain. Tough to do, but maybe don't go next time the ambulance is called out?

I posted last week about DM in hospital. After being declared fit and then having it cancelled then fit again I finally met a social worker on Friday who said mum didn't qualify for rehab just a care package. There wouldn't be one available for a couple of weeks so she could have a place in a care home while the care package was put in place. Mum was very happy with this solution.
Saturday they rang and said they had carers able to go in Sunday and therefore the respite care was no longer on offer. My sister discussed with mum the option of accepting that or us sorting it out privately so she could get the respite first. Mum wanted to go home so she went.

Surprise surprise I get called out in the night. Get there, ambulance crew say she doesn't need hospital it was a panic attack.
I'm already struggling health wise myself having only finished cancer treatment a ten days ago.

Carers come in once a day for 30 minutes or less. I think they check if she's taken her meds, and have a chat. And that's it really. DB and I do everything else for her between us (or I subcontract things out).

I meant to change the carer agency at the end of last year, but have been feeling too overwhelmed with things in my own life to take that on.