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Elderly parents
Original poster

The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

991 replies

yolofish · 09/01/2020 11:50

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:
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MereDintofPandiculation · 06/03/2020 10:16

So far Dad doesn't seem to have picked up on coronovirus - he's a mega-hypochondriac, I'm not looking forward to when he finds out.

thesandwich · 06/03/2020 08:46

Hello all. I can really understand the relief those of you who have lost your elderlies feel about the virus. Dm quite sanguine but I am trying hard not to catastrophise and dread her carers/ her getting Ill. Or of course me...
Glad you are not giving up yolo
cockroach all

Original poster
yolofish · 05/03/2020 23:11

flee and fleas (that's very odd to type!)

Yes, the fact that DM is no longer here in the current CV situation is an absolutely massive, huge, enormous relief to me too. And even both the DDs have commented on it. And, in fact, I dont have to worry that she would be in hospital/care home, both of which I would expect to be absolutely rampant in terms of infection pretty soon...

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/03/2020 20:26

So sorry for those suffering recent lossThanks

I understand exactly what you mean, fleeflee, I've just returned from my first foreign holiday since my DM died and I no longer need to worry about whether I should visit, how the carers are coping, etc. It is very liberating and poignant at the same time.

FleeFleeMyPretties · 05/03/2020 18:21

It is a bizarre relief that because my Mum died last year I don't have to worry about giving her anything!

AutumnRose1 · 05/03/2020 17:45

How’s everyone doing?

Mum and I have decided to carry on as per usual in the face of the virus.

Yes, I have asthma and she’s old but if there’s an enforced quarantine later, we’ll be sorry we didn’t go for our weekend brunch when we could.

As dad said after his second heart attack “I could have eaten much more ice cream”. 😂

We are both obsessed with hand washing in any case so that part isn’t new for us. I’d be like Niles on Frasier if I wasn’t too embarrassed.

Original poster
yolofish · 04/03/2020 16:15

nora so sorry about your uncle Flowers.

We have gone back to our NHS trust to complain about the points they didnt answer, and reserved the right to contact the ombudsman.

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 04/03/2020 15:20

nora sorry for your loss Flowers

thesandwich · 04/03/2020 12:40

So sorry nora 🌺🌺

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/03/2020 08:52

nora Flowers

flamingnoravera · 03/03/2020 20:11

My lovely uncle died today from cancer. I'm now the next of kin for my mum and my aunt. Thankfully mum is settled in her career home and they are looking after her. Another funeral :(

In other news Brothers Grimm have been silent since their dad died. The properties are nearly sold so I expect shit to hit fans when the proceeds are divided 50/50. But that's a bridge I'll face when it comes.

Rinsefirst · 03/03/2020 10:33

I doubt anyone can say for certain what will happen. I guess families should just be mindful of ALL the options and think ahead about the different scenarios and have casual conversations with their wider families and neighbours now. Getting paid FT carers may be an option if there are any available but it's not like you can pencil in dates and properly plan.

azaleanth90 · 03/03/2020 07:56

What do people think will happen to elderly living alone if they get sick? I can't keep my mum from going out (dementia) and can't move in to look after her - at the moment she has a carer visit a day but last time she had flu she was admitted to hospital pretty swiftly and spent a week in isolation, which had a really damaging effect mentally. Would paid ft carers be an option?

Rinsefirst · 02/03/2020 23:48

I’ve no idea but I think if you are volunteering to help with meals and entertainment at a time of great need I think that could be waived.

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 23:37

Rinse oh I see. Would things like DBS checks be suspended in emergency, do you know?

Rinsefirst · 02/03/2020 23:26

Yes, Autumn, I think some of us with loved ones in care homes will be asked to lend a hand if there are staffing shortages in the months to come.

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 23:07

country that’s good.

Rinse are you on the right thread?

Rinsefirst · 02/03/2020 22:55

I suspect a few of us will be drafted into care home duty in the coming months. Our place struggles for a full complement of staff at the weekend and needs agency recruits. I can’t imagine the care home will have sufficient caters when schools close down the line.

countrygirl99 · 02/03/2020 19:47

I'm also taking a ridiculous level of comfort from my friend who didn't catch it. Her entire family get everything going. She flew out to New Zealand via Singapore to visit a daughter, coming back in Feb. While she was out there another daughter flew out from Shanghai, where she works, just before Chinese New Year. None of them got it so I tell myself it can't be that easy to catch. It's keeping me happier for now.

countrygirl99 · 02/03/2020 19:43

He is. He is self employed so no work, no pay. I am insisting he takes hand gel when he goes to crufts for the flyball. Luckily I still have a couple of bottles from when the horses had strangles.

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 19:25

country is your dh planning to live as he usually does?

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 19:24

country I have asthma and a couple of other issues

So mum’s worried about me and I’m worried about her. It’s quite funny really.

hairbrush in the unlikely event of complete shut down, I’d feel obliged to go and stay with my mother. Which would be better in a way as she has a house and garden, but also, I’d go mad. Let’s hope it doesn’t go that far.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 02/03/2020 18:59

My thoughts at the moment are that when it is physically close to us then I will wrap my mother in cotton wool and no matter how cross she becomes I will not allow her out.

countrygirl99 · 02/03/2020 18:51

Autumnrose not just the oldies. DH is 60 and diabetic. He gets every cold going and for the last 3 winters has ended up with a nasty chest infection late Jan/Feb. His job means he visits several different houses every day.

AutumnRose1 · 02/03/2020 18:43

Anyone else worried re oldie and virus?