The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

DM has an assisted delivery scheme in place, but I guess that sort of thing is suspended currently. She was complaining that she is overdue a visit to the hairdressers, as she just can't comprehend what life is like in the outside world (it reminds me of the Sunday's of my 1970s childhood where there were no shops open).

That’s amazing about your dads weight gaindint . Since having carers and me sorting meals, I am sure dm has gained weight ( and lots of trifles/ cream scones)
nota that’s c@#£ re bins. In normal times most councils do an assisted delivery scheme where bins can be collected from the boundary of the property and put back. Maybe not now.....
How is everyone? Dm was sadly looking at her planner to see no visits from cleaners, chiropodist, hairdressers, etc......... and then wanted to know if I was going to be near the ( very busy) post office to get her carer a card......

Went over to DM's this morning to find that the bins that I put out on Wednesday night were still in the middle of the pavement - four days on. Would it really kill her bloody neighbours to do a little kindness and wheel them down her drive? (She lives in a cul de sac, and most of her neighbours are able bodied.) The nation seems to be polarised into selfish bastards and nice people at the moment. And I only seem to come across the latter on social media.

Mere I meant in the situation you and I were in, hand washing vs launderette. I did wash small things at home but sheets etc went to the launderette.

Yes, maybe she didn’t realise how much she wasn’t eating!

I didn’t get the letter in spite of mild asthma. I was wondering.

I think at that stage she'd lost the appetite for food and for life really. That seems to be really common. Care homes seem to put great effort into getting people to eat. My father's home, both dinner and tea have a dessert as well as a main,and in addition to the 3 main meals they serve tea and cakes for 11ses and mid afternoon and serve supper. Desserts are designed to be tempting - strawberries and cream, arctic roll etc, and the cakes and biscuits are always "fancy".

It's working, in my Dad;s case. He'd lost 2 st by the time he went in, but has regained all that and some extra, and has now cut himself down to only one weetabix for breakfast.

If you don't mind me asking, is anyone in the house in the 1.5 million "special letter" group? Yes, though we haven't a clue why, we think it must be a mistake. >75 with what we'd always considered mild asthma.

Why do you say you'd definitely choose the launderette? Was that in our current context, or was it response to me saying I used to wash sheets by hand (with water boiled in a kettle) rather than go to the launderette?

she basically eats a dinner of boiled rice and veg every night. My Dad used to take half a Morrisons minced beef and onion pie, two tinned potatoes, a spoonful each of tinned carrots, beans and butter beans and heat it up in the microwave. He'd follow it up with two slices of canned peach and some canned custard. Before he turned to the microwave and was heating it on the hob, he would take the water he'd boiled the veg in and drink it as "soup", and be very proud that he was "cooking himself a three course meal". He resisted all attempts to widen his diet, and got very stroppy when I tried making meals for him.

Maybe your Mum genuinely didn't understand she wasn't eating enough? My father didn't. Sense of taste is dulled as you get older, and if food isn't appetising you lose appetite. So if you're not hungry when you've finished your meal, you will feel you're eating enough, and be mystified about your weight loss. And throw yourself into weight loss investigations. But your point about a diversionary worry is perceptive.

Yolo and sandwich

It’s complicated

She was losing weight before dad died but was just the right side of the line, though now underweight

She does talk a lot about wanting to remain in good health, I’m pleased to say she has cake daily 😂 but there’s a complex connection, I think. Like she now has a fear of ill health and eats just enough but has to force herself a bit.

My best friend’s mum has always been underweight and now at 72 is just getting smaller and smaller, which in turns makes us wonder if some people just do that. My dad spent years of his life eating one meal a day!!

I know mum hates eating alone. She’s been better about taking an interest in her friends etc, such a pity this has now been forcefully ended. Her phone rings loads though, which is good.

The cabin fever thing must be difficult, sandwich.

re the oldies and food - my DM just effectively wasted away, despite being told to eat cream, and cheese, and cakes and biscuits... she did eat that stuff, but it was like she'd kind of decided eating wasnt worth it a good few months before her final fall/onset of death.

Sorry, that sounds really grim, I think at that stage she'd lost the appetite for food and for life really.

dint Glad your dad is doing ok- your laundry solution sounds sensible.
rose I wonder if your mum based cooking on catering for your dad and has struggled to get used to looking after herself? Old fashioned ideas about feeding the man of the house? Feeling undeserving?
Before dm had lunch/ tea carers she was simply not bothering much- now she is eating more and getting used to eating more- loads of cake etc but she was wasting away....
Just seen dm- cabin fever setting in a bit but the change in the weather means she’s not chomping at the bit quite as much, just giving me a list of non essential tasks like paying money into the building society....
“ will you be going into town? “ NO!!

Mere I would definitely choose the launderette! Which I had to do for a while in some crappy rented places.

good that he has his letter, though I'd have thought if he was stopped and asked for an explanation, it would be far preferable to go to another house than a launderette.

If you don't mind me asking, is anyone in the house in the 1.5 million "special letter" group?

something I found out when I thought I'd be with mum for lockdown - she basically eats a dinner of boiled rice and veg every night.

Having previously told me her weight loss was a mystery because she eats her usual diet, she has now said that actually she can't eat what she and I have been eating for dinner - mainly veggie - every day.

Dinner is her main meal of the day and it's probably got about 300 cals in it! AFAIC she's an adult and she can eat what she likes, but she should have refused medical investigations on her weight loss. Perhaps she wanted something else to worry about, or wanted the attention? She had some pretty outlandish ideas of what was causing her weight loss. Almost as if she wanted to create a different crisis to distract from the issues around dad's death.

autumn No, I did his laundry for him. THough a friend of his, approaching 90 in the 1990s, was still washing sheets by hand in the sink, out of preference. Could never understand it. I had a few years living in a house with no hot water and electricity sufficient only for lighting, and I must admit I washed be hand in preference to spending half my life sitting in a laundrette, but nothing would make me choose hand washing over a machine in my house.

Nearest laundrettes are at least 5 miles away, one in the next town, others in student-land. We're only 1/4 mile away. Our washing machine is in the cellar, which has its own door to the outside, so I leave that door open, and the door to the machine, he shoves the load in, and I come down when he's gone, close the door and set the wash running. I reckon that's a lot safer than going to the laundrette.

Anyway, he's now been given a "key worker" letter. With all these letters being issued, I reckon even firmer policing is on its way.

Jace good to see you, sorry you’re having such a hard time.

Mere did your dad wash laundry by hand for years? Laundrettes are open.

I hope they police this sensibly. The viral load of him coming to you vs the viral load of going to a laundrette?

Fed up seeing people out and about partying treating this like a big joke or holiday I wonder if for some people it's a coping mechanism? Difficult to live with if you look at the full horror of the situation.

DF locked up in his home, but seems cheerful and more coherent than for a long time. Has been asking me details of what's happening on the outside.

We're in the "elderly household" group so are hunkered up at home. Lucky to have a good garden.

DS2 and fiancée working from home, have divided the kitchen table between them. DS1 has been laid off (too early so no 80% salary) and is now shelf-stacking. Luckily we've not had to sell the house DF was living in, so DS1 has moved in there - only problem is no washing machine, so we're having to leave the cellar door open for him to dump his clothes in the machine once a week. Really hope that he doesn't get told it's not an "essential" journey. I may have had several years doing all washing by hand, but it'll come as a big shock to him.

I’m working from home (more hours than usual) supervising staff remotely seems to take longer and as a charity am very concerned about the vulnerable in our local community so actually planning on increasing our services
DM 81 birthday today she has Alzheimer’s x I can’t visit - lost my Dad just before Xmas so still feeling life will never be the same
Fed up seeing people out and about partying treating this like a big joke or holiday
I don’t want to see pictures of you sunbathing in the park

V perceptive dint
Glad you feel better rose I was at for a few hours yesterday which was plenty.......hope you canine ways to look after yourself there.
All ok here- reluctant dd back from uni but so far so good- like yolo we have space to escape and a long list of projects to tackle.

Mere I know what you mean.

I woke up feeling so much better today. Just hope nothing kicks off in my rough area!

How are you all?

I winced a bit....I nearly died twice in my 30s but she’s probably forgotten about that now. She won't have forgotten but it won't be at the top of her mind. My DS was seriously ill when he was 4, but I wouldn't list it in my top 10 of bad things - on an intellectual level I might, but not on a gut-feelings level - he recovered, so all the emotion of that time is lost. Doesn't mean I don't love him.

And I realised I’m not even an emotional comfort to her, in fact, might be annoying her. Yes. Just because someone needs help doesn't mean to say you are the right person to give that help. I learned that living with a depressed partner.

Thank you sandwich

I’ve been quite erratic

Had my work cancelled so headed over there last Tuesday thinking she’d really need me, but no.

I sort of wish I could have stayed but I could see I’d just have to exist in my bedroom, she’s not ready to change anything to fit me in, which is fair enough if she doesn’t need me.

When she said about the worst thing having happened to her, I winced a bit....I nearly died twice in my 30s but she’s probably forgotten about that now.

autumn I think you are a saint for lasting so long....... 🌺🌺
Hope you are ok. You are very sensible if it wasn’t doing your health any good.....
Do not beat yourself up. You know she is fine. Look after yourself.

Well, I hope I don’t get flamed....

I’m back at home. Mum said the worst thing that could happen to her had already happened, is pootling around in her normal way, has several phone calls a day, enough food to withstand a siege....

While I was having anxiety attacks and my blood pressure was rising alarmingly - it’s normally on the low side. And I realised I’m not even an emotional comfort to her, in fact, might be annoying her. So a friend gave me a lift home.

If mum is upset or angry, she didn’t show it.

I fear this lockdown going on for months. I assume if mum falls ill, I will be allowed to travel as it covers “emergency with family”.

I printed off the transcript of the PM's speech so now it's not me being silly but "Boris says no". These are the list of reasons you can leave your house mum, where does it say "going out for a little run in the car"? Where does it say "does not apply to Knotaknitter'smum? Closing the library was the big thing, it's the one place she likes to trot off to.

When we've assimilated that we can move on to the next bit of paper covering the extremely vulnerable. I would like it if she turned the tv on and watched the news now and again because she's living in a different world to the rest of us.

Sorry just a rant. My father is driving me nuts. He’s been out and about 3 times today, to Waitrose, the cemetary, and then popped by ours to leave some biscuits for the children. Why am I tying myself into knots trying to buy 4 pint milk cartons for him to freeze, and signing up for milkandmore, all while trying to wfh and stay in the house . Has anyone managed to get across to elderly parents that their routine has to change? It’s like he can’t relate the gov instructions to his own behaviour

how are you doing today autumn? hope your mum is not bringing you down too much.
Everyone else? I see Prince Charles has tested positive... Camilla negative. Hope he is OK, dont think the nation could cope otherwise.