The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

Mere do you need them to change it now? I’m sorry if that’s a stupid question. Yes, it's used to inform clinical decisions, I'm not ready to die from CV just yet. But asking them to change it means I'm asking them to let someone else die instead of me. I'm not comfortable with that either.

Thanks knot! I've sent it to her. See if she can remember how to use amazon after Monday's extensive lesson!

There are now two sandwiches here! Almost a picnic!
pickle I’m fine- dm in better health so itching to go out😥. Dd here from uni, missing her life- but we are so much more fortunate than so many of you.
On the subject of folk not checking in on you - is it because you are seen as strong and resourceful?
Sending 🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫to you all.

Mum has clearly got dementia now but hasn't had a diagnosis. She has been having heart checks so and I have flagged concerns with her GP so hopefully something will happen. I've had some very strange conversations with her recently for example wishing me happy birthday on my Dad's birthday. I'm checking in with them every day by phone and today Dad answered and told me that my nephew's wife is in hospital with "some sort of chest infection" but that mum had taken the call from DB1 and she was very vague so he didn't know what was happening. Phoned DB in a panic and she isn't in hospital and has a run of the mill chest infection, still not nice but huge relief.

Doh, I should have said which one I did buy, not just which I didn't

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07MZYMZHM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

Mum has one of the key turners meant for Yale keys. The Yale key will go through a slot in it but that's too narrow for the traditional key so she's using it the wrong way around. This particular one is really sticky and grips the head of the key well, it's on week three now.

www.activemobility.co.uk/simple-key-turner-415

I looked at this one but I wasn't sure that it would help in my mother's case

And wider question- you say you have other people you'd like 'to keep an eye on should she leave you any bandwidth'.

Is anyone keeping an eye on you? I've noticed in this climate that I've checked in on lots of people. I'm not aware of anyone having checked in on me. I've wondering what to conclude?!

Hello sandwich, yes it's me!
I've been various pickles since my popcorn start!

I'm ok, there have been some ups and downs. DM is still the same, but of course we no longer need to worry about Dad.
She still needs a careful hand and well checked boundaries- my sister is doing a sterling job as the closest child during lockdown!

How are you?

Is that the previously known as popcorn? Welcome ( if it was or wasn’t...)
Can’t think of any key gizmos.... have had a look but all seem yale ones....
Hope everyone is doing ok.

Hello everyone! I've been here before on and off... these are trying times are they not? 🌻for all the extra hassle you are enduring!

Quick question about key gripping aids.... there are lots about for Yale locks, has anyone come across them for traditional old style keys? I've searched under deadlocks (get the locks), key grip (technical film term) etc.

This. 🗝

Not this. 🔑

Thank you!

MereDint - she's got form for this sort of thing, with presents and money. There are a lot of examples, like the time she said she wanted to take all her GC for lunch offer. She then, after I pointed out her preferred venue was inaccessible to one of the party, demanded I find somewhere else she could get everyone a meal and drink for quite a low sum per head (her and DF do eat out regularly, she does know how much things cost). I ended up saying I didn't have time, because I didn't, so it didn't go ahead.

I've got other, perhaps more deserving people in my life I'd like to keep an eye on but I can't if she's using up all my bandwidth.

Anyway, I've given myself a break from her for a couple of days. I'll get in touch before the weekend. She'll never acknowledge her behaviour is unreasonable but maybe telling her, particularly about the multiple contacts, would make me feel better.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Mere do you need them to change it now? I’m sorry if that’s a stupid question.

I’d imagine they’d rather remove people from vulnerable lists but I’m not sure how they’d get the staff at the mo.

I've looked into the "frailty" - they look at 36 factors including disease and health conditions, count up ow many you have, divide by 36 and express it as a percentage.

And I do have or have had 6 of their conditions, albeit at a low level. One has now been sorted, and a second is at a level not to cause any concern. But how, in all honesty, at this time, can I get them to change? Yet it's one of the things they take into account in assessing whether you get treated for CV.

Can anyone advise this lady please?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3868504-Care-Home-Dilemma-Dont-know-what-to-do?watched=1&msgid=95237870#95237870

That's good to know, yolo - at least they have resources they could potentially call on for help.

dint I can feel your outrage from here!!

evenkeel no worries, FIL can do the cleaning, wont be up to MIL standards but they are not exactly living in diff circs. If FIL gets ill though then it will be tricky, but MIL is a tough old bird so she'll manage something somehow and they have built a good network (moved 3 years ago as old house too big/up massively steep hill - thank god they did!)

Mere that’s really odd, some error there I think.

@yoloPenguinsEatfish please don't feel guilty, and I'm truly sorry if my post made you feel that - it was more my own panicked thinking-out-loud really.

I'm very protective of DF and in 'normal' times do a lot for him. He won't have carers - although SS have said (in the past, obvs) that they'd be happy to send them - because he can wash, dress and prepare simple meals, and that's all they'd do for him. I organised a cleaner for him but of course she's not coming now. But he has some minor (urinary) incontinence issues so that's another reason I'm fretting about bed-changing etc. I bought him a truckload of pads just before all of this kicked off so he actually has enough to last him 12 weeks...it's a bugger for all of us really, isn't it?

knotaknitter good to hear that you can at least get in to sort out the freezer. Horrible job though it is.

I think the letters may not be 100% accurate in who they go to. DH has had one - all that's wrong with him is non-severe asthma, well controlled, and the usual high blood pressure, also well controlled.

I've found they've scored me on "frailty" in the middle of the band that says "slowing down due to age, may need assistance with shopping, finances, transportation". I am outraged. I do the shopping for the household (I do need a car for transport of large amounts), manage family finances and my father's, walk everywhere within a mile, and in summer go tramping around the hills doing wildlife surveys.

The Asthma Uk page has changed - mum is not that vulnerable after all because her asthma and COPD is relatively well controlled. She won't be getting a letter then and I feel slightly better about going in and defrosting the freezer for her so she can actually get some food in it.

I had hoped that one or other of the grannies might be able to get food delivered by someone other than me but it is not to be.

yolo oh I see.

Yes, I’m sure that’s a medical term. Along with PFO and such like.

No, she doesnt. She's not completely immobile, she's on crutches etc. She hates it, but she's tough so is not yet at the stage where she actually has to completely give in - she's 82 this year. Basically her knees are fucked - I believe that's a technical medical term?!

yolo just curious - don’t feel guilty

I’m just asking, as your MIL is immobile, does she have a carer?

One of mum’s friends returned from holiday recently and her mobility has gone through the floor. The doctors can’t find anything but I was guessing spinal stenosis. She absolutely won’t let a cleaner in in the current circumstances so told us she’s doing everything very very slowly.

Mum was telling me she thinks her friend needs a carer. But I suppose if you prefer inching your way to do your own stuff, that’s fair enough.

evenkeel you've made me feel sorry about not seeming to not care if my PIL cant clean, MIL is quite immobile. FIL is useless in many respects, so I feel guilty now! (not your fault obvs). But really, what can we actually do if we are self-isolating/respecting distance etc? PIL are 60 miles from us and 60 miles from SIL. And they have enough money, guess they will just have to do without clean sheets for a while if that's what it comes to.

Things like cleaning are what worry me about DF. He simply can't do it - he's not very mobile. He wouldn't be able to push the hoover around. He can't change his sheets and duvet cover. He can't reach up to a shelf above shoulder height or open a jar because he doesn't have enough strength in his hands.

I've looked at the links on the Asthma UK site (thank you for the tip about that, knotaknitter ) and while he is on one of the medications listed, the dose he takes for his COPD isn't quite high enough. So I guess that's it - he won't be on the list