The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

Not good news I'm afraid. FIL is permanently blind in one eye. Saturday he told us the sight had come back but blurry, this morning he told us he still couldn't see with that eye. Apparently an artery ruptured. He is very down.

How did it go countrygirl? I hope smoothly and FIL got some answers.

fingers xd for you for tomorrow countrygirl that something works out for you all - stressful.

hope everyone else is doing ok, this is such a weird time. We were saying today, it must be a bit like the phoney war felt, everything almost normal but not quite. cockroach

No, we won't know the plan until tomorrow. Luckily I have an understanding boss. I can appreciate their problem committing at the moment as I work for a bank and have to keep the website updated with which branches are open and you really don't know until the morning as staff availability changes so quickly at the moment.

country hope you get things sorted.
How is everyone doing? Haven’t seen hairbrush for a while? How are you nota?
All calmish here which is good....

countrygirl so they cant tell you the plan until tomorrow? I mean, its understandable given bank hol w/e but cant remember (sorry) if its a private firm or council? Even so, they should have some sort of emergency hotline.

VictoriaBun exactly the same with my dad about 15 years ago.
FIL was worrying over whether he should go to hospital, that it was too risky. DH pointed out that if the optician could sort out an appointment in less than 2 hours on bank holiday weekend, even without the current difficulties, it's important. He has arranged for someone from the care agency to drive him but they can't confirm if they have someone to stay with MIL until Tuesday. Tbh it would be better if cover was confirmed and we did the driving as we aren't trained in the equipment to get her on the loo etc but it is was it is.

Re: his eye, I had exactly the same a few years ago. I would explain it as looking through an eyefull of Vaseline. My emergency hospital appointment showed a T.IA (mini stroke).

eek countrygirl. And of course bank hol w/e makes it much harder to contact anyone re care. DS1 and the video call to GF sounds like it might be the best option, esp if you can leave DH out of it all?

Liberal sprinklings of Teflon, and cockroach to all.

Good luck sorting out your challenges, country hope fil is ok.
dint I completely get what you say about wanting to cocoon and escape the world. It’s a very scary place out there.
Here trying to jolly dm along minus her regular visitors of hairdressers, gardeners etc, plus “support” dd uni work🤔
Hope everyone else is doing as well as possible.
cockroach all!!

If the carers can't cover we can probably cobble something together with DS1, if he does a video call to his girlfriend MIL will love it. MIL is completely dependent so staying in another room would be very tricky and she would get very distressed. Naturally, they live in an area with a relatively high incidence of CV so with carer daily visits it's a humdinger.

You've got the hat trick Country. Can DH stay with his mum, even if in another room?

Bank holiday + global pandemic = emergency hospital appointment 😔.
FIL phoned this morning, sudden loss of sight in one eye yesterday evening, can see but blurry this morning. So he phoned DH to ask which opticians are open. Got him to phone his optician as DH has no idea which opticians are in FIL town let alone what the arrangements are. He had an emergency appointment and has a hospital appointment Tuesday afternoon. Which gives us 2 problems - getting him there in case he can't drive back and getting a carer to sit with MIL. I can drive him there but DH is vulnerable so it feels risky, he us convinced the usual care agency will be able to cover I'm worried they won't have enough staff.

I'm in definite need of Teflon Yolo, so thanks for the offer. Staying off the booze at the moment as I don't think I'm strong enough for it, back on the caffeine with a vengeance though, having giving it up last year.

I've been trying to get some gardening done every day, which helps with my own MH. Even if some of what I do is ill advised (I need to put the secateurs down a bit more often I think).

Cockroach all.

nota I'm so sorry to hear that, would some Teflon help even a little? xx

In truth, though, the whole situation is so awful I just want to curl up in my cocoon.

on the worktop, clearly not abiding by sanitation rules! what your cat is allowed to do in public, and what behaviour is tolerated in private, are often two very different things.

autumn You OK? Being angry is not a nice place to be. You and yolo are both important people to me, please don't either of you disappear.

Morning all. Lovely to see younota and sorry to hear you are still having such a s£&* time with ds. Rant here if it helps.
You expressed exactly what I feel about folk on here- sort of friends/ familiar characters in a book.
My rubbish memory doesn’t recall all the details, but seeing familiar names and hearing updates does give a sense however misguided of community.
And the support here is fantastic.

I haven't posted here recently as things have been so bad with DS that stuff with DM pales by comparison. But I tend to read it every day, as I consider many of you here if not friends, then comforting characters in a good book that I can relate to.

Not quite sure what went wrong here last night, but perhaps lockdown fever?

Yolo your situation with your DM reminds me of that of a very good friend of mine IRF, who went through very similar with her DM, and has yet to grieve properly. There is no one way of doing things, we all just do what we have to do in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Is Willis partial to a glass of plonk?

And forgot to say, with all the things you listed after your dm's death, no wonder you have not had the time to grieve. I'm so sorry.

yolo if there is a 'normal' way to grieve, I haven't got to that either. The last year especially was so traumatic that when my parent died, it was a relief, then guilt came and it has been switching between those since. I'm still finding it difficult to remember the normal times. But it gets easier to acknowledge that this is how it is, for me atleast. Hope you are getting there too.

Lovely cat pic., kitchen table and all, he looks a little like one of mine .

Bollocks, wrong picture! in the kitchen, on the worktop, clearly not abiding by sanitation rules!!

sandwich and lady thank you for your kind words.

lady I agree the processing takes a long time, and perhaps longer than we think. I've never really grieved for my mum, basically because her last 5 months were so awful, and she wanted to die a good while before that. I'm not sure I will ever grieve for her in the 'normal' sense, partly because so much else happened in the same time frame that I just had to put a lot of stuff into mental boxes. I miss the 'old' her, not the one she became if that makes sense?

And here is Willis cat, taking self isolation very seriously in the sunshine!

@yoloPenguinsEatfish
Fwiw I'm a lurker, used to post a little a long time ago. The reason I still lurk on this thread is partly to see your inputs. My parents have passed away, but it has taken a long time to process, so I fully understand you being here, even giving sound advice.
Best wishes.

Are you ok rose?
yolo I really appreciate your support and input onto these threads.
And your humour!
What is great about these threads are the perspectives of those in the thick of it, those who have come out the other side with useful wisdom, and anyone who can add.
Plus cat pictures and anything else!

Why on EARTH are you jealous of me?? That just doesnt make sense (to me at least ).

I looked after mum for 10 years, going from dropping in daily for company to providing pretty much full on care, being on tenterhooks everytime the phone went because it either meant she'd fallen over again or had some other (minor) crisis to watching her have a really horrible 5 months before she died. During which time DH was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, DD1 had major uni traumas, the dog died, DD2's school friend hung herself at uni and was found by another school friend, both the DDs and I are currently unemployed... plus of course all the wranglings and shenanigans with social services, NHS, blah blah.

It's not been a lot of fun, really.

Why do I hang out here? Because I like the people, it was a lifeline for me when DM got so bad, and I thought maybe I could help support others. But I can fuck off if you like?