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Elderly parents
Original poster

Elderly mother being exploited

32 replies

Saratoga123 · 11/10/2019 11:55

I posted about this issue a while ago and received some very good advice. My mother has dementia and a couple of years ago, she was taken advantage of by a neighbour who befriended her to the tune of 25K. That was incredibly stressful in itself, but I have now realised that another neighbour is now doing exactly the same thing. The neighbout is asking mum for loans worth thousands of pounds and also getting my mum to do a large weekly shop for her and her family coming to over £150 a week. I have contacted the police and they say they can't prove any actual crime. I have lodged a safeguarding issue with socual services and met with them to discuss. Although I listed a dozen suspicious activities and I thought they would help, they have now spoken to my mum who has told them them that she thinks the neighbour is honest, so social services are backing off now. They seem to think that it is ok for her to take money from my mum in exchange for friendship and they actually said as much to me. We have also found out recently that none of the neighbour's family speak to her because she also stole money from them. I have spoken to my mum's bank and they are not helping because they say they can't stop this neighbour from coming into the bank with my mum and drawing put large sums. They are telling me it is up to my mum, despite her diminished responsibility. My mum was willing to move into sheltered accommodation until recently, but the neighbour persuaded her not to. Even if she did, the neighbour has told her me that she will locate her and visit her. It also concerns me that my mum has mentioned on several occasions that this neighbour has a very bad temper. I'm now at my wits end and feeling depressed about the situation. I feel like I've tried evrything and this this crook of a neighbour is always one step ahead of me and I just can't seem to protect my mum. Can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 11/10/2019 13:45

What's her flat situation, own or rent. I agree with pp that you move her near you asap, you can look at sheltered flats in your area, even if it's just rent for a while to get her away. Have her post redirected to your address, she is vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse. If she has quite a lot of money in the bank then use it to have her somewhere safe, even if it's a nice residential home for a while.

HollowTalk · 11/10/2019 13:44

That is really shocking!

My ex husband found that people were going to his dad's house and demanding money for work they said they'd done for him - his dad had dementia and used to hand over his money. Some people really are scum. I'm amazed the police can't do anything about this, given your mum is a vulnerable woman.

Personally I'd transfer the bulk of her money to a separate bank account in her name, but wouldn't give her access to it unless she specifically asked for it. It sounds harsh but she has to be protected from thieves.

Skinandbones · 11/10/2019 13:42

This may have changed in the last couple of years but power of attorney is when you mum understands what you are doing and signs the forms with you to say she agrees.
My mil was too far gone so with us it was deputyship, give you total control over money property and health decisions. It's a far bit of paperwork and it think it cost us about 500. Although once you have control you are allowed to take fees from your mums money.
Help is always at hand and they a ridged in what money goes where.
If you need any help pm me,

HappyHammy · 11/10/2019 13:39

Does your mum have mental capacity to make her own decisions, if you're not sure then her g.p. can arrange this. Do you have power of attorney over her finances, if she has capacity then ask her if she will do this and you can then have control over her money. If she lacks capacity then you apply to the public guardian to be her deputy I think but it's on their website. Keep records, install a camera in her house, contact the banks fraud department for advice, call Elder Abuse for advice and I would call wocial services again.

mommybear1 · 11/10/2019 13:32

Have you got power of attorney? I'd be looking to get it if you don't already you say she is vulnerable can you take control of her accounts and give her an allocated amount? For what it's worth I'd get her moved closer to you ASAP and perhaps when you register her at the accommodation do so using your name so the neighbour can't trace her and also put a restriction to the warden regarding visitors?

Original poster
Saratoga123 · 11/10/2019 12:32

qazxc I've got third party access to her bank accounts, so I can see what is happening, but I don't think I can move money about etc. I know the neighbour will move on, but the money my mum has is for her care when she needs it. I couldn't forgive myself if I stood by and let her continue what she is doing. My mum only has a 1 bed flat where she is and we have no space and that's why I tried to get her into sheltered accommodation close to me

OP posts:
qazxc · 11/10/2019 12:01

Can you look into taking control of her money, if the well runs dry they will probably move on.
Is there any family member that could move in with her temporarily to make sure they aren't bullying her.