Just sat here crying

55 replies

Passthebubbly · 04/10/2019 19:40

Ahhh. Messaged mum to see how she was as I do morning and night. This is the response I got. I can’t cope with it anymore. Nothing I do is enough.
She won’t do anything - anything to help herself and everything as an only child is left to me.
Let’s just say I belong on the stately homes thread. My relationship with her is utterly toxic but she is sick so I am doing my best to look after her whilst raising 2 kids and working full time. She lives 65mile round trip which I do twice a week. She had said she was moving beside us but had now decided not to. Has told social service she no longer needs help so that has been revoked. She is housebound without me. I can’t cope anymore! I’m about to crack. She is only 63 but a lot of complex issues that are just too much for me to cope with alone but she refuses all other help.
Text tonight to see she was ok to get “have just sat here and cried all day” you and me both! Not wanting to drip feed and massive back story of her shocking treatment towards me but doesn’t even matter anymore.

OP posts:

dementedma · 04/10/2019 20:26

That sounds tough. 64 is not old. I know several 64 year olds still working full time. I care for my mother like you but she is 84, not 64. I really feel for you but your mum is using you and needs to do more for herself

Original poster

Passthebubbly · 04/10/2019 20:16

As for as she got allocated help 15hrs. Week - enough to take her shopping and help round house. She can manage her own personal care. She didn’t like anyone that was sent anyone we hires lasted a week at most before she told them to leave. Last week I was expected to facilitate 4 hospital apps within school pick up town 40 miles away from home? She refuses to do the hospital transport and always cancels app until I can take her and then I panic as she goes on how worried she is about her symptoms and she feels like she is dying

OP posts:

Original poster

Passthebubbly · 04/10/2019 20:13

Thank you folks. It’s such a hard situation mostly of her own doing. However we lost my dad last year which is why I have stepped in to help as much as I can. She had alienated all my fathers family and her best friend of 40 years walked away 18
Months ago due to the way my mum was treating her.
Basically long story short classic narcissist. No not many friends but has decided to live where she is because she couldn’t leave her friends. Not 1 friends she can call in when she needs a pint of milk though. I am dangled in a string constantly. She is 64 not
Old and completely forgets I am grieving too. She had serious health issues that are bad enough but invents more and more on top in line of cancer, brain tumour etc none of which have been true. I do think she is deeply depressed but apparently in her world depression does not exist. It’s just an excuse. No matter how much I give whatever I do it’s not enough. However often she stays here or sees the kids (and ignores them) it’s not enough. I’m in my mid 40’s now too I just can’t take all the
Emotional blackmail

OP posts:

BooseysMom · 04/10/2019 19:52

Hi, i get this. I'm sorry that i have no real advice but wanted to offer a supportive hug. It's amazing what you're doing, esp all alone, and this sort of care goes mostly unrecognised. My DM passed away 3 yrs ago and i'm left looking after DF who lives nearby. Sometimes the things he says about my DH and DS make me feel like pushing him down the stairs! He can be toxic. But all i can do is keep reminding myself he's 82 and lonely with just his cat for company.
It's so hard and i just wanted to say well done for what you're doing but make sure you look after yourself xx

Nicolamarlow1 · 04/10/2019 19:49

Does she have any friends nearby who might visit her? If you live approximately 32 miles away, she surely can't expect you to visit any more than you already do. Did she give any reason for saying that she doesn't need help from SS? Are her problems mental or physical? In either case, she sounds depressed. Can you persuade her to get a doctor's appointment?

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