The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Bereavement during pregnancy, ☹️

Re shock or knowing, I’m guessing it’s just a shift in the timing of the awful. Watching my dad die over a period of weeks was so stressful, some days I wondered if I’d survive it. I have low blood pressure and it went sky high for those weeks. I just figured I was in a hospital all the time anyway so if I collapsed, it would be dealt with 🤷🏻‍♀️

yes bereavement during pregnancy is a mindfuck to all who experienced it. Honestly, DM's death was a million times easier than DF (for me, not her), basically I knew we were at the beginning of the end (despite DB and DSIL being all gung-ho about everything).

Ghost sorry, yes, I guess people are trying to be nice

I just think it's going to get worse, probably, so when I say "Xmas was as good as can be expected" I just expect them to move on really. I've only answered the question politely because I've been asked. My close friends know not to ask, but of course acquaintances don't know that.

Ghost

if you put an asterisk at the start and end of a word, it appears in bold.

I tend to do this rather than @ people. I don't mind how people do it but I find bold easier to spot.

I also lost my DF when I was pregnant with DD Yolo. In his case it was expected, but even so, bereavement while pregnant is tricky.

Yolo I know exactly what you mean, I had a very similar experience to you with my DM. Totally out of the blue, 3 months before I got married, aged 34. The shock was horrific. Experience with DF proving to be very different.
Autumn, I guess people don't know what to say, and are trying to be nice! But I understand it's difficult for you.
PS how do you all do the short name tag in bold??

sorry, I meant the news was a bit random for here!

I'm also sorry you felt that at Xmas yolo. Luckily Xmas has never been a thing in my family, so although my mum felt the loss as she does every day, it wasn't a particularly weird day for me. Birthdays are weirder. Also dad and I used to discuss the business news for long periods so whenever I see a big story there, I think, how weird not to talk to dad about that.

no its not that random autumn, with my PILs here for Christmas I spent a lot of time thinking "but where are MY mum and dad?" it's weird being an orphan, even if you are 58 like me! I was 36 when dad died and very pregnant with DD1, that was worse because he literally dropped dead, so the shock was terrible. I think knowing its coming allows you to start to protect yourself, at least it did for me.

this is a bit random but I am feeling so sorry for George Michael's father and sister right now.

I've just had a couple of people telling me mum will be "better" in future Christmases. She won't will she. Well, I suppose you never know what's going to happen. But it seems unlikely.

Glad you had a good time yolo
ghost glad your df is rallying- if they are complaining, they are improving..... and so glad you are seeing your friend.
Had a lovely day with dh’s family yesterday- lots of fantastic young adults and nice people. A great day.
Back to dms later.......

Just spoken to DF. He was having a good moan about the carers, so I'm happy he's back to his normal 'grumpy old man' self 😂

Ghost I totally get it. My parents have both nearly died quite a few times.

Hopefully your dad will feel okay when he’s awake.

So my dad's care home rang at 7.30am this morning, which scared me into thinking the worst. Turns out it was 'only' a fall. DF fell on the way to the loo last night, but the only damage seemed to be a grazed shoulder. He's still asleep, so hopefully he'll feel ok when he wakes up. Six months ago I would have rushed to see him, but now we've almost got used to this sort of thing. I'm feeling guilty as I'm off to see a schoolfriend instead today, unless anything changes - to be fair, friend lives abroad, so today is my only chance to see him while he's in the UK for Christmas.

because ghost you are finding time not to think about anyone else!!

Thanks yolo, yep it's a fine line, ha ha! I've got a 3 month old too, so I'm certainly kept busy with DF, DD and DS. Why am I still up?! I should be sleeping while the DC sleep!! 😂

ghost welcome, little ones are always cheering (when they are not knackering you out or having a tantrum!!) we had a 3 year old here on xmas eve for a party - bless him, he played with the dog for 10 mins then flaked out in his buggy. dog was disappointed but made up for it by hoovering the floor for crumbs...

Ah, I’ve just seen that

A few weeks ago, I posted that I thought my 84 year old uncle was going to die, he had similar but then had a heart attack on top.

Don’t want to jinx it but he’s much better...out in Xmas eve getting a haircut to look smart for the day. Big turnaround. Carers no longer needed. So you never know. But I understand it’s really hard not to know either

I must go to bed but we’re always here if you need us.

Thankfully DF seemed better today, and DH and I have managed a much needed, relaxing Boxing Day

Thank you @Autumnrose1 ( not sure how to tag?). Not brilliant, given that I started a thread last night about whether or not dad was starting to die?! However, my wonderful toddler kept me going yesterday, helps keep me cheery. 😍

Ghost welcome along. Hope your Xmas was okay.

Hello all, hope you don't mind me tagging on this thread. I've been following it from time to time, and started the odd thread, as I don't know anyone in real life going through the stress of elderly parents, and it's nice to have somewhere to ask advice and commiserate! I wasn't born until DF in his late 40s, so my friends are not yet worrying about elderly dads. Sounds like most of you managed to enjoy Christmas Day - well done and happy Christmas to you all!

yolo that’s good, glad they behaved well!

I can’t get interested in Bond, in spite of Judi Dench and Andrew Scott.

late to the party, but happy Christmas my lovely friends on this thread, and an even happier boxing day. PIL and SIL + adult kids all behaved, and it was actually very nice, although when everyone eventually left after a 'quick coffee' 2 hours later at 1.30 we were both on our knees with exhaustion. I went to bed for 2 hours this afternoon!! now of course wide awake, vaguely watching James Bond and catching up on MN.

Mere thanks for your post earlier about your ex, made me feel better.