The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

oh jace just the biggest hugs for you and I hope you can get a decent night's sleep xx

I resolved with DMs DM charm bracelet! DM now settled as her DM is ‘looking after him’ it’s the first time in 59.5 years it’s been off his finger - I helped her with exchanging vows and both are peaceful for a few hours

Part 2 - left work early today to get a much needed haircut - had to leave mid style with dripping hair due to call from DF nursing home - they are concerned his kidney function on way out, finally got NSG feeds delivered but pharmacy have sent wrong ones n they are too thick for tube feed so re order and he’s still not being fed other than occasional ensures
DF arm so swollen due to all this that care staff felt they had to remove his wedding ring - DM became inconsolable at this point so they rang me to sort out

Took DM to Dr this morning about her painful leg (I thought possible cellulitis) crappy triage system meant we ended up with a sports injury clinic - the heavily tattooed male physio was rather bemused to be met with elderly DM with dementia - he thinks it’s an infected varicose vein and I now have to try n get her to an appointment elsewhere on Saturday
DM can’t remember where she has been or why so am not sure how bad it really is!

yolo

Mum refuses a key safe but it’s not really a factor here. She always has the door locked and the chain up. There’s no concern about her opening the door, it’s more we were wondering if it’s better to show that someone is in. If they get no answer will they decide there’s no one home and attempt a break in?

I’m really sorry to say it but I think you will have a very long wait with the NHS meeting, they want to wear you down so you give up.

Mere I don’t know, do people do that on holiday?

I just wondered if shouting “go away” might help, sadly my mum will not stretch to “piss off”.

I don’t think she sounds elderly but you never know who is watching the house. What concerned me was the loud banging. If they hadn’t done it to her other neighbours I’d be worried it was someone really dodgy with a wrong address.

We got mum a key safe so that anyone expected (family, carers etc) could get in. It did get difficult though, and in fact she usually left the front door unlocked the whole time and I think we were lucky something like this didnt happen. The fact that I was a 2 minute walk away probably helped, if she had been doorstepped she would have phoned me to come round.

Her house finally sold today - exchange and completion within minutes. Such a relief...

However we are still waiting for the local NHS trust to find a time to offer us a meeting to discuss our complaints about her 'care'...

madam no, really not keen to do this and all happened when I was at work anyway.

I really posted wondering if anyone has advice on whether it’s better for her to shout through the door or something to show that someone is home.

rosa i know it will be another elderly thing to do, but perhaps you could connect it to your phone, that is if you are both worried about 'burglar callers'.
I was quite worried when it was my ddad, who couldn't hear the doorbell and left the door unlocked .

madam mum refuses to have one of those, she doesn’t do tech.

The neighbour has one but today it didn’t record for some reason.

Sorry long time lurker, posted a little a loong time ago. 🇩🇰

rosa please check out this www.amazon.co.uk/slp/smart-doorbell/4xf8wdfnmacgeg8

How’s everyone today?

I’m fretting because some guys have been banging on doors in mum’s road - aggressively - at different times today, I presume they are checking to see who’s in for burglary times? On the one hand, obviously mum wont answer the door, but then what? I presume aggressive banging with doorbell ringing is to double check no one is in?

Thank you all for hugs n general tlc
I will check tomorrow re feed situation x DD is visiting DF on my behalf (sad but a paramedic uniform tends to command more respect)
Hugs to all xxxx

Oops rosa I meant nora but you deserve flowers and chocs like we all do!
nora😘😘

Aw you lot are so wise and so kind. When my dr asked me where I was getting support- I said "mumsnet".

I know it's not mumsnet but sending ((((hugs)))) of thanks and support to all the cockroach cafe clientele.

Flathead excellent phrasing!

sandwich I think you might have me confused with another poster? All good here, till the next problem of course!!

yolo thinking about those sorts of dates in the past is a bit shit isn’t it. A time when a crap memory like mine comes in handy!

V wiseyolo

jace flathead nora big hugs and wine choc coffee cake etc (cba to do brackets for emojis!)

Just got off the phone from an hour long call with very old friend who is in the middle of the shit you all know and understand... she is a very wise person whose judgement I trust enormously.

Even she cant do it and is struggling. We all do the best we can and that has to be enough. cockroach one and all.

rosa and jace so sorry you are having so much s#£& to deal with.
No wisdom either legal or medical, but just wanted to send support,🍷🍷🌺🌺🍫🍫 and to let you know I’m thinking of you.

That sounds overwhelming Jace I am so sorry - I am sure you're all over this, but in your shoes I might say "Please leave any changes to long-term medication until the team has demonstrated they can feed him adequately, because otherwise you won't have an accurate baseline assessment will you?"

It's so exhausting and isolating having to advocate for someone "against" professionals. They obviously want to make a positive difference, but it sounds as though they're leapfrogging over the basics in their slightly misplaced enthusiasm at the moment.

Jace I’m so sorry to hear all this

I’m not a doctor but am on antidepressants

Re your DF, I would ask if it is safe to take him off those meds when he has been on them so long.

What is their reasoning for wanting to withdraw it?

Re the food, that is shocking. Have I understood correctly- he’s been underfed drastically because of administrative errors? Doesn’t he needs glucose drip or something after this? Hugs to you and your dad.

I have cried most of today
Cat support absent so am in the bath with a very large margarita
I had a different version of stressy bank holiday weekend when I was supposed to be chilling but DP issues n emergency surgery for DD MIL put paid to that
Slept worse than usual last night - drifted in and out for a few hours whilst listening to history channel and wave crashing apps
Managed to catch DF Dr at nursing home this AM said he’s stable but leaving decisions n action to MDT meeting
MDT meeting this PM waste of time due to non attendance, lack of communication, and inconsistent care reports
Then I found out poor DF has been let down by feed ordering system; combo of GP, dietitian, pharmacy and nursing home - net effect he has not been getting more than 300 calories for 5 days, before that he was vomiting so not had adequate nourishment for over 2 weeks - no wonder he is failing
Too weak to manage even standing hoist now so arguing with them about trying to get him up briefly to improve his mental state - in bed he turns into compliant patient mode and just gets worse
I could go on..........but am too tired
HELP - question for anyone with medical background - this morning they were talking about meds’ review n Dr was questioning whether he needed anti depressants - why would they consider not continuing them, he can’t tell them, has in the past suffered from serotonin syndrome when drugs been withdrawn, and has a 50 plus years depressive history
At the moment at least he’s not miserable or in too much pain
How can I counteract this suggestion

flaming glad the doc is looking after you.

Tbh the Grimms sound a bit like they threatening to huff and puff etc but have no legal foundation?

I've seen the Doctor, she was lovely. I'd had a scan two weeks ago because of very slight spots of blood, there was nothing abnormal. Doc says this could all be caused by stress, she said it's unlikely that it's not affecting my hormones. She was visibly sympathetic, I told her as much as I could get out between tears and sniffles. She's changed my HRT to a combined dose so I have a small bleed each month as she thinks my menopause is late and I still have endometrial tissue that is active. She asked about and urged me to seek support for me.

I told my my mum and their dad about the Grimms on Sunday, she's livid. I've blocked the Grimms on what's app now. I'll tell her about today when I call her.

I felt so alone and hopeless this morning, less so tonight. Thanks for your kind thoughts, I'm not sure I'd have managed this far without you all.