The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

nota I think you are spot on to the Grimms. I could go away but no one to go with and I spend every night and most weekends alone anyway. Breadcrumb man only graces me with his presence when he can fit me in between rehearsals and his own stuff. We've never spent a whole day together in 6 months.

I think you have every right to feel sorry for yourself Nora. Can you do anything for yourself let get away for a weekend somewhere?

Sounds to me like the BG don't want to have to eat into their inheritance by their dad going into care - whereas having your mum provide his care is free for them...

Dr is visiting mum and her DH tomorrow. She thinks she can care for him to the end, but she can't. Mum's social worker got in touch today just to say she was back from leave and had anything changed. I've told her about the letter.
I don't think her H will last till xmas. I need to find care for Mum but I don't know when she will be able to move into care because she won't go until he goes. I'm stuck because it will all depend on where has beds when she needs it.
I can't eat, I've dipped under 8st, the stress is too much (not helped by being in a breadcrumb relationship with a musician lover that clearly loves music more than me but the bits of closeness I get relieve the stress of worry about mum). I'm feeling sorry for myself today ☹️

charlie sorry things aren’t going well. Is your dm being admitted to care home? Sounds as if she needs it.
nora please get a copy of that letter to your dms social worker. Get them to fight for your dm🌺🌺
cockroach all🌺☕️☕️

Mum found a letter to her husband today, dated 27 August. Said he has an inoperable growing brain tumour and should contact his doctor to discuss palliative care. He hasn't mentioned it to her and she won't talk to him about it.

Surely it's time for the Grimms to accept he needs to go into nursing care. The Dr says mum would not cope with him dying at home, in the same bed as her. It's just awful, my poor mum- how can those vultures believe that the best thing for their dad is to be cared for by a woman with advanced dementia with half an hour of care morning and evening from carers who just dispense meds?

So I dipped a toe in this particular thread (or more precisely a predecessor) last year but things are turning v bad again. Today my mother didn't have any children, has no grandchildren and gave her maiden name when asked by the care home assessor. So she clearly thinks she is under 23 .... she has been married for 52 yrs. God knows who she thinks we all are then ....

Hello, all. Nothing new to report from me, so I'm just bringing and .

jace hope you can recharge a bit 🌺

Sorry Jace

I am away! Having a very teary day today - will update later - DF still with us but failing

oh he's got the £50k, he just wants the other, larger amount NOW!! and I've actually reduced the amount I'm transferring daily so that I can do other things with my bank a/c - daily limit on transactions. 4 more days and he'll have his total.

Yolo, I would agree that karma was kicking in for you. From what I can remember of your earlier post's your dB was not willing to help out much when your mother was alive and the same with after she died.
He would prefer if you gave up 2 hours of your life so he would get his £50,000 in a lump sum. What about all the hours you were left to deal with your mother, her paperwork and all your own family issues when he was doing sod all to help you out?
Then he rings you to complain about his money, I would have done the same as you did. If he helped you out more you would have done what he wanted.

Jace, hope you have a lovely relaxing time.

Mere, wise words.

Yolo - I’d tell your DB there’s a charge for your time. I don’t know how this works but if he had offered to do the distribution, would he have got his money earlier?

yay for your hols jace I hope you have a lovely relaxing time. And good news nora that there is nothing nasty going on - is the plasters that itch or the patches?

how's everyone else doing?

I had a little feeling of karma kicking in yesterday... I have got the money from my mother's house sale, have paid bills and distributing the rest as required. DB got the first £50k, but hasnt yet received it - I got the balance on the day of completion. So he went batshit with anxiety... turns out it is due to the way the solicitors paid it out, the money is safe will just take longer to reach his account than the much larger amount did mine. God knows why. Anyway, all the payments are done and I now just have to get his balance to him, which I am doing by BACS over the next 6 days (limit to the amount on daily payments). He would 'prefer' I went to the local town and into the bank in person to arrange an immediate bank transfer. He can 'prefer' as much as he bloody well likes, I'm not wasting 2 hours of my life on his behalf!! Sorry, rant over.

We drove past a posh new BUPA dementia home today, made me wonder if DM would have done ok in somewhere like that - but actually I dont think so, she wanted to be dead a lot of the time in her last few years of life. (cheerful note!)

Loving the cockroach line in the the Mothman thing!

Thank you everyone - I’m going!
Will visit DF today after work then head to airport

nora glad you had the scan

I was watching The Mothman Prophecies and a character says “could you explain yourself to a cockroach?” and it was a serious point but I laughed because of this board.

jace 🌺
nora glad you had the scan.
cockroach all.

Glad to hear it wasn't anything sinister. Stress, however, is enough to screw our minds and bodies. Swimming every day sounds a really good move.

Hi, yes I was scanned, nothing abnormal, fibroids still there but not changed, nothing else. So Dr has changed my HRT to a combined one with a bleed between. But the patches fall off after 3 days because I swim every day- they are supposed to last a week. I bought some special dressings to go over the patch, they stay on but they itch like fuck. But the new HRT has stopped the bleeding.

Nora did you get a scan yet for the bleeding?

I'm another one for saying go Jace. I dithered in the same way when my DF was dying and eventually went on the holiday. He lasted a good few weeks longer, and I was glad of the break.

Jace hope you get a decent kip and thank you for the cat pics.

Zzzzzzzz

Good night one and all