The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

nora that sounds like the best thing you could do, it must be so bloody hard for you.

DD2 says she is ok with the job, so will just let her get on with I suppose... and I am so out of touch having been freelance since she was born, maybe this is just what they have to do now.

yolo the problem is that mum changes her mind by the hour. This morning the carers reported that mum said she couldn't cope any more after a bad night with her H, I called her at lunchtime and she said she was fine and had slept just fine. I'm stuck with having to wait for another crisis before anything will shift. I've asked the care home I want her to go to, to keep me on their list and to call me when they have a room vacancy.

I'm taking mum to see the psychiatrist on Friday, I'll ask about her capacity to look after a dying H then.

on the commute - we all used to moan about how those of us on low salaries and living in the sticks were the ones staying late, while the higher paid staff took a taxi home to their London pad, with some paperwork.

I did used to get a paid cab home after 11pm but I know they said that only applied within certain areas because people commute so far, they didn't want to pay for someone to be going back to Portsmouth etc. In fact, one friend from Essex was turned down even for applying - I recommended her - but they said they didn't want to employ someone whose cab they wouldn't be funding.

It's the massive oversupply. You can say no but you don't know what the result will be. I think the best bet is for her to ask her uni if that was expected, but the uni might be reluctant to damage links with the company.

I must admit, I thought it was pretty well expected these days. After this post, I asked a friend who has a 22 year old working in media, she said it's all the same. That's a starter job though, so again, not a job placement, but I don't know how those work.

yolo sounds rubbish for your dd. Is the placement overseen by the uni? Could she contact then for advice? She is still paying some fees this year which should give support for things like this.

Yolo, I was in similar about 15-20 years ago and I would say yes, they did that then. I wasn't cut out for it and fell ill. I think especially in early 20s, it's survival of the fittest. Obviously a high exit rate....some companies, in every industry, are very "churn and burn" because there's such an oversupply of keen people.

I don't know if different rules apply on uni placements though? Does the uni attach terms to the placement?

Just coming on for completely non-oldie related thoughts if you dont mind!

DD1 is on her placement uni year. Working at a pr consultancy in London, being paid £18k pro rata. Hours officially 9.30-6, finish at 5 on Friday. She never finishes at 6, and last Friday was 6 when it should have been 5. Today she was not allowed to leave the office til gone 9pm - she's still not home (1 hour 40 mins commute each way).

I think they are seriously taking the piss, pr is my industry and back in the day, you didnt keep the little trainees on until virtually the middle of the night, that was reserved for those on decent money... am I being unreasonable?

nora fingers xd you can get a place for your mum asap, and then the BG can look after their own father. You must be so bloody stressed xx

nora sending you hugs and 🌺🌺☕️☕️🍷🍷.hope you can get your dm moved.
nota how is your ds doing? Hope he’s settling in.

How stressful for you and your DM Nora. Let's hope the BG step up at this point and realise their DF needs to go to a place with appropriate levels of care for him.

They released him from hosp on Friday. The ambulance crew were shocked when they saw he was released to be looked after by mum.

Yesterday mum said "I think I can't cope any more, he sleeps all day, he doesn't eat, I can't leave him to go shopping- I think he needs to be in nursing care- I don't want to stay here alone". She said she would see how the weekend went and then if she still felt the same we would call the Grimms and tell them she can't cope and wants to move to resi herself.

I'm taking it day by day and looking for resi with bed spaces.

any news nora? thinking of you x

nora thinking of you.

oh nora all good vibes coming your way xx

Mums DH was rushed to hospital last night. She is with her sister whose husband was also taken into hosp yesterday. I've got an agency seeking dementia care residential beds near me with the possibility of her coming down to me this weekend. But mum is now saying she needs to stay to visit him in hosp, she's not safe to stay alone unless her sister will look after her which she may do for a couple of days.
I'm hoping I can move her this week.

any progress with SW nora?

hospital has asked us to suggest some dates for a meeting in Nov/Dec - wont be Nov as DB on jury service from Oct 28th for up to 4 weeks.

still waiting to hear when DH chemo starts again - he's got our kitchen to finish in the meantime so he'd best crack on!!

Good call sandwich I will call the SW tomorrow and see if she can help. I had forgotten about her- she has done nothing so far apart from stop me bringing mum here to be looked after.

Oh nora that’s awful. Could your dms social worker intervene? 🌺🌺🍷🍷

I'm back into a very low place again today. I've spent the day helping s friend leave an abusive partner and working, then got a call from my aunt to say mum has been round saying her carers have not been coming (they have, twice a day) and wanting access to the meds box again. My aunt's husband has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer and my mums husband is now on palliative care and slipping away and needs to be in nursing care. There's No sign of his sons stepping in to get something sorted. It must be bad if mum is saying he needs to be in nursing care and she's ready to come to me to go into care- but not till he is in care too.

I've gone NC with the Grimms and they seem to be using it as a way of not following up how their father is. Mum says she'll call them tonight but she will forget. I can see him dying in the bed next to mum at this rate- something the doctor said should not be allowed to happen. I feel sick and so fed up with being the only one seeming to do anything.

Could have been worse Yolo, but your poor DH to go through that again. Does he work?

yolo that sounds better than it could have been. Still a long way to go.
🍷🍷

It's good news I guess - no sign of any cancer left, BUT that doesnt mean there isnt any (?!). So six more months of chemo to come as a kind of insurance policy. We are lucky in that it will be capicetabine in tablet form again, 5 days on 2 days off, weekly bloods. Better than IV chemo. Hopefully he will tolerate it ok, hard to tell because last time it was combined with daily radio for 5 weeks, and he did really well until the end of the course then spent pretty much 2 weeks in bed.