The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Sorry, just reread and saw she's in a nursing home so ignore the stuff about AA.

Hi Duvet and welcome to the thread. No need to worry about barging in, we are pretty informal here.

To be brutal, there is little point in expending energy on worrying. Do you have siblings, or anyone else close that you can discuss a game plan with? Does she have Attendance Allowance in place - if not, applying for that is a good place to start as it allows for some of the tasks to be outsourced. The same with getting Power of Attorney set up.

Sorry for barging in like that. I'm just struggling to sleep and feeling miserable, it was a bit of a shock. I didn't want to start a thread though, that would seem too real!

Jace sorry for cutting in after you. I hope everything works out — it's better that you're driving there in a safe car after all.

My DGm scored 7/30 on the MMSE. I didn't expect it to be that bad.

She's been having a problems for about two years (counting and re-counting money, not managing her tablets, phoning multiple times and asking the same question) but lived miles away from us and the tests kept being cancelled by the relatives who lived closest (now she's in a nursing home nearer my family).

I'm on a placement hundreds of miles away from home and just feel awful and angry about the whole thing. I don't have to deal with any day-to-day stuff, but I feel useless and keep worrying about what's happening — other close relatives have died while I was away at university so I know this probably is my issue.

I can't move closer to home, not for about 9 months anyway and I feel awful that she's this bad, and I'm worried about how much worse she'll be with time and if she'll remember me when I visit. I video call and go and visit whenever I'm home, and she likes seeing me in person but isn't that interested on the phone. She just seems confused and bewildered and it's horrible.

And 7/30 just seems so much worse than I though it would be.

I was just starting to relax at home n get stuck in at work then nursing home rang late afternoon to say they felt DF had got worse - I couldn’t leave work so DB went instead and said that he thought things were ok
I agreed to go at lunchtime tomorrow n try n speak to staff - dietitian - physio etc
Then realised later I’ve got my car in for MOT so can’t get there either until Friday
Now stressing again

I can actually see the fun and good things in life and I haven't felt like this since the summer after my A levels. But with oldies...it gets interrupted a lot!

Um
I should have been clearer

I mean like a teenager just enjoying music and no responsibilities. I spent my 20s and 30s working so hard, it was like banging my head against a wall. Like your DD work placement!

So now I'm like, ooh I have time to have fun....no wait, there's an oldie to look after.

But double glazing is good, sure! 😁

autumn we are getting double glazing in a few weeks time, courtesy of my inheritance from mum. I am hoping that will make me feel like a grown up! a proper person, with windows that actually open and close, and LOCK, and dont have panes stuck in with some kind of glue. Like an actual grown up. Not sure about teenager though...

Does anyone else feel like a teenager apart from the oldie responsibility?

I don't have kids though....

Just found you all! So pleased to bump into everyone.

nora that's the adrenaline come down I suspect - your mum is safe, she's reasonably settled, there is nothing you can do about her DH and the BG cant do anything to you either now. Be kind to yourself, go swimming if you can but dont beat yourself up if you cant x

Thanks fir the thoughts yolo, mum seems to be settling now, no tears for the last two days, says she likes it apart from Missing her dp. I'm going to take her to see him next week- it's his 88th birthday. I may drop her at the nursing home then dash to hers to get more clothes and then back to pick her up so I don't have to hang around at his bedside for hours.
She seems to have managed to use her phone, I've not put his number in it so she can't keep calling him. I'll supervise calls so she doesn't get too upset- but she seems remarkably better since this time last week.

I wish I could say the same for me, I'm feeling exhausted, chilled to the bone, tearful and lethargic. I've not managed to swim for a week and mb body is desperate for a swim but my lethargy has sent me to bed since 430 this evening.

How is everyone doing? nora, jace, et al - hope you are ok.

Oct 6 2018 was the last time I saw DM alive, and Oct 7 was the day DH was diagnosed - weird times. OTH Oct 13 was the day we got DDog who has saved my sanity, basically because she is the funniest, clowniest dog in the world.

cockroach all KIKO x

Thanks Jace

I luffs your cat 😍

I will have a cat one day!

Just for you #AutumnRose1

Another confession - when I’m stressed or depressed I engage in retail therapy!
DF recent hospitalisation has resulted in s new watch, ring and bracelet plus 4 knitwear items!
In my defence I did lose a bracelet on holiday recently and am claiming on my insurance

nora I'll cross everything that peace continues.

Sounds positive nora sorry haven’t used that doro one- but did have to phone their helpline after dm had changed something on hers and they were very helpful. Number care.doro.co.uk/contact
Getting others involved is a good plan

Has anyone used a Doro dementia phone? I have just taken delivery and I cannot figure out how to input numbers or ICE details, the buttons dont seem to match the manual and I am tearing my hair out!

Mum had a good day today- she took part in everything and only once asked to call her husband and no tears! I am crossing everything that this will continue. I am not visiting today but will go with the phone tomorrow.

I will also make contact with local dementia services for befriending etc to see if we can get her out and about without it always having to be me that takes her.

nora how are things?
rose grump away...... this is the place for it! I get what you mean- dm was in a cycle of appointments/ tests etc which did not help..... as you say, very worrying, inconvenient and taking up a lot of time and resources. All the focus was on health but she got much more benefit from going out for coffee!

and apologies for Grump #2

this time last year, dad was being taken between London hospitals for tests before he died. He was in pain just lying in a bed. Thank goodness the Extinction Rebellion lot weren't around then because a) he would have been in even more pain with those horrendous traffic delays and b) I might have actually punched a protestor.

I feel so sorry for anyone trying to deal with those hospitals right now. Getting to work is hard enough. Fucking horrendous.

I apologise for the grump - I know people are dealing with much bigger things.

Just wondered - does anyone find doctors are a bit unrealistic about things at the moment? When mum was in her 60s, I had trouble getting doctors to take her seriously with things because they put it down to ageing.

Now she's in her 80s, I find they have no acceptance of things that might be related to ageing! For instance, I know the kidney disease things were reclassified so it now looks as though she has that - she doesn't, they just changed parameters.

I won't bore you with details but after a series of vastly unnecessary tests - she feels fine - they've now come up with something that has made her panic she has a serious illness. I honestly think it's that they scan bloody everything and come up with a drama. It's likely to end up as a very mild COPD. I have asthma and mum has issues with breathing in cold air in winter, always has done.

but we are about to do the rounds of a hospital again and she's terribly stressed. It seems so unnecessary when someone feels fine.

meanwhile, on MN, we've got some people feeling extremely unwell who can't get their GP to order any kind of test for them.

nora I hope you managed to get some downtime, and maybe polish some more candlesticks?

oh nora my heart goes out to you. TBH I agree with her husband's care home - do not bring her in case she refuses to leave. OTH her care home doesnt sound remarkably helpful - any chance you can go in and talk to the manager to explain the situation, just in case there are some crossed lines somewhere?

Def agree with getting onto local agencies, and SS should definitely be doing an assessment whether she is self-funding or not, basically because they need to know for when she no longer can self-fund (and also becaue it will help the home with her care plan).

I am so sorry it is so tough for you, but as others have said: you can't do it all, and at least she is now in a safe place and out of the hands of the Brothers Grimm. It would be a complete cop out on the home's behalf if they were to allow her to just up sticks.