The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Love dcat
nota so sorry to hear about your health- is your dB aware? You must prioritise your health.
I was also going to suggest milk and more milk delivery- do bread as well. Check who covers your dm area. More expensive but one less thing for you to do.
This is a godsend for dm and makes her feel in control.
Does your dm have attendance allowance? Can help pay for extra help.
Please try and get support in to do the day to day stuff and leave for you what only you can do. 🌺

monkey "I really had to work on not saying but that would be another bloody thing for me to look after"

I would have just said it. I'm sorry you're having health problems.

Thank you all for seeing the bloody bins for what they are to me!

On the subject of cats, DM spent last winter talking about getting one. I really had to work on not saying but that would be another bloody thing for me to look after, take to appointments, etc. Luckily that seems to have passed (for now).

She was 91 this week and, I fear, likely to outlive me. I have developed a host of low level health problems, including high blood pressure, which I know are symptomatic of my stress levels.

Cockroach all x

DCat has quite a pose in that first pic

Car passed MOT but didn’t get back till today as had also asked them to do cambelt
Set off to visit DF tonight after work but DB messaged me to say no point as he was asleep
Still waiting for call from rehab team n dietitian will chase them on Monday
It’s Friday night and I have Dcat n Dgin

Bins are a major source of elderlies stress- sorry nota for all the c£&*.
Could you get a cleaner to come on bin day? And do check what the council will do- most have a helpline number for bins.

It’s things like a bin that can break you ...

I have to take the rubbish, recycling and food waste (3 different bins) from inside the house, and put it all in the outside bins (where there is a fourth garden bin). The wheelie bins then need to be wheeled from the back garden, through a bolted garden door, down the drive to the kerb. They are alternated each week, so one week it is recycling, rubbish the next. So if I miss one collection, it's a month til the next. So if I do miss one, I try and make it the recycling week.

I kinda think I have bored you all to tears with the bloody bins now...

@notaflyingmonkey sorry to clarify, by enter a property I mean go in to back yard or garden and drag the bin through as in the old days.

@notaflyingmonkey With the bins do you mean empty them from inside the house or move
From property to kerbside? I know it varies from authority to authority but my council and the adjoining neighbouring council, will enter a property and take the bins if you request this at no extra cost. We arranged this for my MIL when she became immobile. Apologies if you looked at this option already.

monkey "but she's probably told them to leave it for me to do."

If she has capacity, I think you should leave her to it for a week. That sounds harsh but why should anyone be run ragged for bins and a food delivery?

Yes, it was her that's pissed off the neighbours, so nobody else will do these things for her - slightly annoying that the carers won't either, but she's probably told them to leave it for me to do.

Good tip re the perishables Dint I'll have a look into them.

Thanks all for the handholds!

I'm also wondering how full the bins get, it must be okay to miss collections every so often.

I think OP might have said her mum had pissed the neighbours off so they wouldn't help - sorry if that wasn't you.

Sorry @notaflyingmonkey don't want to interfere, but is it at all possible to get someone (neighbors/paid help) to receive food deliveries (and sort them), taking bins back and forth?

Online food shopping can be a lifesaver sometimes . Find a way to make it work, in the long run it will take a load of your shoulders.

Sending strenght.

She has a carer who goes in for max half an hour visit each day, but all she does is check she's taken her meds. One of the things on my to do list is to find a new care agency who can actually do a bit more.

I am near, DB less so. So I know I am being unfair on him, but I have got so much shit going on in the rest of my life at the moment, I am running on empty.

monkey has she refused a carer?

I can't remember if she has capacity or not. are you and your brother nearby?

She really does need a visit every 3/4 days, to keep her topped up with food and milk, etc, one of which has to be on a Wednesday in order to put her bins out (impossible to do without having access to the house). Which means if he doesn't go, I have to.

I've tried buying in more milk and bread etc and freezing it, but she just takes it all out and leaves it to defrost/go off.

monkey how much visiting does she actually need?

I know my sister has a different assessment of my mother and I admit, I could subscribe to her view but I don't.

so when he says "I can't go" does that you mean you have to go, or just that she will be short of a visit?

I'm sorry if I'm mixing you up with another poster but I know some people are doing gardening and such like, which is fine if you want to, but not if you don't.

For a few months now, DB has been persuaded to split the DM visits 50/50, so that I get some time off and he steps up. Obviously holidays or emergencies notwithstanding. However that has started to slip on his part, and I frequently get texts saying can't visit this week as going out for the day, which I read as can't visit as doing something enjoyable instead. I got the last one yesterday and had to stop myself from saying that I wish I could opt out when I wanted to. I didn't as I knew that was the sort of thing that would be hard to come back from, so need to compose something a little more grown up in response. I've got so much other shit going on in my life, and need to rethink how we manage this burden of responsibility falling so much to me by default.

Hi back Sandwich how are things with you?
Tomorrow we are off to see DS' pass off parade as he finishes his army basic training. Really looking forward to seeing him .

laura welcome and wise words from pp.
nora big long distance hugs🌺🌺☕️☕️ So sorry
jace hope your df is ok.
yolo exciting windows news! How is your dh? And you?
Hello whatever!
All ok here.. for now😉

My lethargy yesterday seems to be flu today. I've had to call in sick to work and can't visit mum. I'm in bed freezing with the heating on full pelt and feeling as miserable as a miserable thing in a misery contest. I suppose it's my body giving in and saying "rest". :(