The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

He's always like that Autumn! Most of the time I don't take any notice, but I haven't been able to escape him by going to work while I've been unwell.

monkey between the cat and the carrot, I'm starting to worry that one of you might be delirious....
But you're feeling better now?

So I went to my DM's tonight, and there was no sign of her having had her milk delivered at all. The online account shows that it has been delivered so I need to give them a call tomorrow to see if they can shed some light on it. My money is on DM redirecting it to the NDN. In the meantime, she's had no milk. Something that I put in place to make my life easier is experiencing teething problems!

On the subject of cats, I have been laid low with my lurgy. I was taking myself back to bed the other day when I could hear DH (he of the carrot offering) muttering to himself in the other room as he was getting ready for work. I told him I was going back to bed and his response was 'the cat is in the house' as he left for work. We don't have a bloody cat.

Jace, thanks for the cat pic. I'm not likely to see a cat till Thursday!

Re your DF things, I don't think my mum will ever move dad's clothes from their room and I don't mind that.

Re the gifts, can you buy him a gift for no reason? I didn't think my mum would make it till 80 - she's now 81 - but when I thought about it, the thing I wanted to give her for her 80th, I just gave it to her anyway. It was lucky I did because we didn't do her 80th because of the timing with dad dying.

Anyway, I'm glad I gave it to her. I presented it as "here's a gift just because". Made out like I'd just seen it rather than planned it. Maybe take that approach?

jace that is the sad bit, knowing that someone will never come home, esp for your DM who prob wont admit it. My mum was widowed over 20 years before she died, but it took a long time to get rid of dad's stuff, and she would never ever countenance not living at home again until it was completely out of her hands. Learning to let go of stuff is hard... (says me with a house full of their furniture and bits and bobs!)

DM is now fixated on a missing pair of blue shoes which she thinks are in her attic ( I know they are not!) but means I have to go round and search for them tomorrow after work
What I really want to do is get her to have a good clear out n put DF stuff away so she has more wardrobe space but it’s too far of a step for her to admit he’s never going to wear those clothes again or ever come home

Got the CHC funding letter today and apparently it’s only for 4 weeks before they will review it because it’s end of life!
I’m hoping DF will be lingering (peacefully) at their expense as long as is right for him
Whilst I can’t imagine life without him I know it’s inevitable
I keep toying with do I buy him a birthday present (94 in a few weeks) do I think about Xmas gifts or I am just setting myself up for heartache

And for the cat lovers

Eventually

Shallow is fine!!! Good news re funding!

Trying again

Didn’t upload

I’m pleased with it - still trying to sort insurance claim for bracelet - sad I know but retail therapy always cheers me

I’m doing ok thanks
Stressy day at work
DP is doing my head in and tidying my shed which inevitably means short term more mess and stress
However had a surprise letter today that CCG have finally agreed CHC funding!
DF no real change which some days I think is ok
Feel we have a bit of a plan for DM
Shallow I know but I’m cheered by new ring which I collected today and had a pleasant evening with DC eating out and shopping n planning for Xmas

Yes she is self funded. She cannot be left alone without a waking carer, if she were to wander out of her room at night she would take at least 20 mins to settle. But she is in a care home so there is a waking care team so I wondered if that might mean she cannot get the higher rate? I will call Age UK this week and get them to help word an appeal. It would inlcude moving her into a care home because she was unsafe to be alone at night etc...

www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/eligibility
Gives the details- is she self funded? Age uk or carers uk are brilliant at writing the right things in the application.

Does anyone know much about attendance allowance? Mum has just got her ruling through on the situation when she was living in her flat but as she is now in a care home I thought that she would be eligible for the higher rate. Does having a waking carer on duty and needing help to have a bath at night and preventing her from wandering qualify? She has not actually wandered at night but she has had to have help getting in and out of the bath since moving into the home- is that sufficient or does she need something more significant in terms of care needs (she can get to the loo in the night etc).

nora so glad you got through the day. Nice wife sounds a star.
Please let SHL do their stuff now and get yourself to the doc.Anti ds aren't forever, can just help you through short term.
yolo and rose feel for you both. and its hard as the days shorten.
nota and jace how are you doing? not forgetting dint?

nora glad BG wife was nice and completely see why you didn't want to leave your mum.

I am sorry you're feeling so bad. I've been on antidepressants for ages and tbh I'd be out in the wild somewhere, muttering and tearing my hair out without them. That's just me on a normal day!

The BGs were out in force. Mum dissolved into tears as soon as she saw her DP it was a pub sunday lunch. The DP was frail, barely recognised mum but once he did he perked up. The nice wife came over to tell me she was beginning to hate the BGs herself. She was very kind and sweet to mum, but I did not feel able to leave mum there alone with them whilst I drove the 8 miles to the flat they used to share to get her some more persnal bits and clothes. So I did not get to get her any more clothes and certainly did not "take everything of your mums". It was awkward and difficult but mum coped well in the end once she knew that her DP is in a nursing home not at one of the BGs homes.

I discovered that there was a ban on mum visiting mum at DP care home because I called them on the second day of her own entry into care and she had threatened to get a taxi and train and go to him and had to promised I would take her to see him- I called them to say what would happen if I did this and she didnt want to leave... so they slapped a total ban on her ever visiting him! FFS! Anyway I called his care home today and said I will be bringing her once a month and that she will be fine now that she is settled- the response I got "I will tell the manager and someone will get back to you". Nice Grimm wife said she will ensure that this ban gets lifted if I cannot.
Mum was quiet on the way back and seemed sad but resigned and says she loves where she is staying. I came home and wept again. I so do not want antidepressants which is what I will be sent off with if I go to the doctor, but a bit of me thinks I probably need to go see the doc because I know I am spiralling down. Perhaps a few weeks of low drama will help...

Yolo that makes sense. Are you finding people are making a fuss that you don't want?

I've NC'd since but it's coming up to a year for my dad. I feel terrible because my main concern is how to keep mum a bit less on the subject. It could be a lot worse, but she seems to be reliving every day of the month before he died. Those hospital days were the worst of his life, my life, her life....I try to not to think about it and I'm happy with that but she seems to be remembering it all vividly. That might be what she needs to do but it's exactly what I don't need.

And all my friends have asked re the date. I feel like saying "must we have an official day for feeling even worse?" I can't wait for it to be over though I'm not sure how much better mum will be. She was doing much better than expected till this month. Feels like a big set back.

you ok nora? rapidly approaching the first anniv of mum's death, which is odd. but it's ok actually, because she had wanted to die for ages, and if only it could have been quicker/less painful/less distressing then that's what I would hope for for me.

hope it went ok nora and the BG were notable by their absence