The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Although I’ve got plenty of suitable clothes both DD and I fancy a new dress for funeral and DS wants a new suit
It may sound silly to some but I want to feel I look my best to send Dad off in style
I ordered DM some new black trousers and next week will go through her wardrobe to see if there’s something she will feel happy to wear on the day
In our house retail therapy has always been a thing!

My adult DC are being fab as usual
DD has taken day off on Monday to come with me to nursing home to collect stuff and do other practical things

Still keeping Saturday as my day off so bit of a lie in - long soak in the bath
Shopping and coffee with DP who is taking me out for a meal tonight
Been doing lots of practical things - informing people of death - visited bank to transfer joint account to DM
Starting with funeral arrangements etc
I’m going to carry on working as much as I feel up to but mainly from home as I’m struggling with peoples sympathy on a face to face basis I’m ok over phone text and email
Luckily job is very flexible bar a deadline or two and some external meetings I don’t really want to reschedule

nota sorry you had that experience with the anniversaries

I was lucky, it wasn’t a big mission. I had been quite wary of that; mum originally had very different plans and I was very “not no but hell leave me out of it if you’re going that route”. So it was okay. yolo I hope yours was okay as well.

Jace love and hugs to you all.

Ffs, G1 just emailed to say it's not convenient to visit his father tomorrow because his own son is visiting. I've told him it will have to be convenient and we'll have to make it work because his wife has a right to see her husband and we will be there whatever.

I was teaching when I got the message- I was nearly sick with the wave of anxiety.

Lawyer says she hasn't got enough experience in court of protection do I need to find a new one- so not so shit hot after all :(

Then my bag must have rung my mother who called me 8 times during a lecture I was running (sound was off luckily) it's not been a great day so far :(

But I've a friend coming over to cook dinner and pour wine for me this evening so I'm hoping things will look up, just one more session with students to go between me and the wine :)

I am so sorry jace, much love.

Thank you everyone
I came home cuddled Dcat had more than a few gins n grabbed some sleep
Just sat in bed rescheduling work for rest of week n next week then off to see DM n start contacting people - making arrangements etc

Jace I am so sorry for your loss.

jace I am so sorry. 🌺🌺🌺🌺

Jace
I'm so sorry, he is at peace now.

My Dad died peacefully in the early hours of today
Hugs in abundance for anyone who needs one
Thank you for the flowers x

Thinking of youjace 🌺🌺🌺

much love jace I hope all is peaceful and easy for him and for you, and that it is quick.

Some good advice here, you are a solid bunch. What Autumn said about the ADs was a far better way of describing it than I managed.

On the subject of anniversaries, on the first for DF, I took DM to the garden of remembrance, and we had a meal afterwards and it was all rather nice. The problem for me came when it became clear she expected that to happen each year. And each year more things got added on - planting something, the visit, the meal, shops, etc. All of which I had to be party to as nobody else drives. I think I (stupidly) lasted about 15 years until DB died, and I decided I just wasn't going to do it any more, partly because I didn't want to have to do the same for her to remember him. Now her dementia has really taken over, she doesn't remember the dates etc, so I am free to mark it how I want.

Just taken DM home - now stuck in traffic on way to own home
DB on way to see DF in same gridlock
Would go home n have a drink but can’t risk it in case get called during eve or night
I’m not sure why but think it may be days rather than hours
DF still peaceful and being well cared for which is all we can all hope for
I’m at peace as believe it’s probably his time - even though I know I’ll be devastated when the inevitable happens
Hugs to all

Thinking of you all in the thick of it at the moment.
Whatever gets you through...... shopping, meds, Fwb, cats etc....
🌺🌺🌺🌺

X post with Jace

Sorry you are going through this. Glad he is comfortable

Thanks yolo

Still sitting here trying to delay

Goodness knows what I will find when I get there.....this sounds so mean but if it helps, it’s also the second day of it because his religion marks the day on a different day. So I am whining about two days, not one.

I also need a lot of brain in for a big project meeting tomorrow. I find it hard to sleep at mum’s but even more so if she has her “my life is over” face on.

I agree you lot are not only lovely but fabulous and keeping me sane
Had call first thing from DF nursing home that he’s deteriorated during night and they were concerned about him
I got there as quickly as I could though DD beat me to it as she lives nearer
DB picked up DM on way
We stayed and while and chatted with nurses who say he’s comfortable so nothing needed and it’s not a hospital situation they are giving him usual meds and fluids just a matter of time
DB and I decided as it could be days rather than hours we’d tag team so I’m going back to do afternoon shift not sure what time till though
I’m having a bit of respite in Costa whilst trying to re jig rest of week work wise
DD managed to fix tv in Dads room so DM has got something to take her mind off things
I left her holding his hand whilst watching homes under the hammer!!!

autumn what other people think of how you handle it doesnt matter. It is tough having to support your mum though, especially if you dont handle it the same (had 23 years of that after dad died...)
I guess its just grit your teeth, get through it with mum and then have several large drams?!

You are so lovely here

I have to stir my stumps and go to mum’s now to mark the anniversary. I just hope I can cope with her. I do hate this culture we have now.is it post princess diana? All his friends know the date....I was out last night and a couple of my friends thought I was a bit heartless for being okay.

I thank him for everything but honestly I do that every day.

Might have a wee dram myself.