The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

May I scream please. We've had a few months of quiet from FIL and knew it was too good to last. Phone call from MILs sister this morning ( background - MIL is severely disabled after a stroke 4 years ago, really should be in a home but he insisted she came home). FIL has been in tears on the phone to her threatening to commit suicide. DH phoned him - we are an hour away and he is refusing to talk as MIL is awake. OH is now sitting waiting for the RAC as his car has broken down feeling totally helpless. No one knows what is going on. He probably won't tell OH even if he gets there as he won't discuss any problems in front of MIL and also won't leave her.

I’m doing ok thanks had a teary start to the day as had a very vivid dream involving Dad but met DP for breakfast coffee n shared a hug n cry
Spent a lovely day shopping x eating etc with a friend and am rejuvenated for tomorrow helping DM - sorting flowers n going back to thank people at nursing home etc

Jace I agree, whatever gets you through at this point.

Are you taking on too much in terms of things like sorting photos? I get that everyone wants a different level of busy-ness but one relative asked for a particular photo of dad which I knew was somewhere in dads pile of chaos so I just said they’d get it when i had time.

Mum is really massively fretting as one of her friends has been burgled (they were away at the time). Friend is now fitting security light and camera but I’m discouraging mum. She’ll freak out every time a cat walks by, I do wonder if lights make things easier for burglars and who will be looking at the camera anyway?

I hope it doesn’t turn into a mega big thing.

jace 🌺🌺 it’s early days....... whatever gets you through. Take care

And Reuben

I’m feeling a bit numb today
Worked a bit - carried on sorting our Dads affairs
Worried I’m drinking too much n comfort eating........
Lots of minor tasks - sorting out clothes for DM, emailing family abroad, finding old photos

More cat pics

Security guard made me giggle - I know pharmacist will say something too as last time I went to collect DM repeat prescriptions he said each time you come I’m frightened to ask how DF is in case it’s not what I want to hear..........
On a more positive note my work colleagues and friends have not let me down x I have cards - flowers - genuine offers of coffee/listening coming out of my ears - DC are as always fab n Dcat has temporarily suspended hunting for a few hours lol

autumn jesus... but actually people are really stupid around grief and how it expresses itself. Eg, when you are in the organising stage you look like you are in control - because you have to be; it's afterwards I think that you fall apart.

no worries about tetchiness jace - deep breaths and plenty of alcohol.

when my father died, 23 years ago, he and mum were living somewhere very remote. 2 of his brothers, who he and we were not in contact with, flew/drove zillions of miles, missed the church bit, turned up at the house for the wake, and after 2 hours had to turn round and bugger off again! we just laughed really, it was so pointless.

Grief hijackers....gird yourself Jace. My particular “favourite” was the security guard at dad’s work - who hadn’t seen him for four years? - saying “I think I’m more upset about his death than you are”.

Mmmkay

I was already annoyed with the newsagent and pharmacist telling me how much they missed him, though I admit they meant well.

Actually there’s more....so yes, sorry, be prepared. People be crazy!

#yolofish very satisfied with care (in nursing home) but did pursue complaint re previous hospital admission and same re CCG and discharge options plus CHC assessment
All my complaints were upheld - I’m not convinced ‘lessons will be learnt’ but still better thsn saying nowt
CHC decision was overturned in our favour too

I don’t know about others experiences and am prepared to consider I am being a tad tetchy but am already a little bit jaded with grief hijackers!
There are at least 2 extended family members who wish to make a big performance of coming to funeral who didn’t bother to visit my Dad in the year since he had his stroke and hadn’t seen him for a long time before!!!
Found out tonight ex DH wants to come!!! He left me for OW 22+ years ago - hope he’s not bringing wife no 3 who never even met my Dad!
I’ve also already been subjected to other people telling me how hard it’s hit them as they are NC with own patents and my Dad was nearest they had!!!
Trying not to fall out with DB who although I love dearly has control issues - and is not always right (despite what he thinks)
Help lol

jace I think as long as you are satisfied with the care, the cause doesnt matter so much? I mean, with bowel cancer and stroke, the onset of heart failure and pneumonia doesnt seem that unlikely really.

Pneumonia was always referred to as 'the old man's friend' - it's what was my mum's official cause of death, along with heart failure - but actually I think our bodies just wear out, and the added stress of additional disease will speed things up.

With mum, we are persuing a complaint with the hospital because there were so many failures of care along the last five months of her life that we can't not? Neither way is an easy option...

Engaged in retail therapy with DD and managed to find a fab black sweater dress for funeral from All Saints along with a few Xmas presents

I don’t really care about cause of death - but certificate was from an on call Dr who went back to medical history n cited bowel cancer as primary n stroke as secondary when actually it was heart failure/pneumonia
Registrar said we could refer to coroner but it’s largely irrelevant n don’t want to cause delays as we now have a date for funeral which suits all of us

hugs jace some of the loveliest people I met were at two nursing homes - dont think mum did more than 2 nights in one, and just 1 in the other, but they were just so bloody lovely I had to weep over them all. They really do go above and beyond.

Having said that, I also met some of the most horrible people in another nursing home, which I wont go into now, but will be part of our 'discussions' at the famous hospital meeting coming up on Dec 6th.

Jace, I can’t quite remember how it went with dad but wasn’t it the same as the medical cause of death?

Glad the nursing home staff were so lovely, these people are amazing.

Been this morning to register the death and both DB and I disagreed with the cause of death! Not bothering challenging it as does it really matter and would have to be referred to coroner which would delay things
DD and I went to nursing home and collected Dads things - quite surprised how much there was only just fitted it all in my fairly large car
It wasn’t as upsetting as I thought and I’ll have to go back as there are a few other things to sort
The staff were lovely and wanted to know how DM was n hugs all round
I will go back to see some that weren’t there today and after funeral think DM will also want to visit as she had got quite close to other residents, other regular visitors and all the nurses and care staff

Dcat is drinking responsibly unlike me - not commenting on his killing sprees however (we are averaging 2 rodents a day at moment)
It’s very tiring for him and the humans just don’t appreciate the gifts!

I thought florabotannica was a beauty product

Someone please tell the cats to drink responsibly!

If I can’t get to do what I want for Xmas I can feel a holiday coming on in January
Already booked to go to krakow with DD but might try n talk DP into Canary Islands for his birthday

Dcat helped me finish the tequila hic 😉

😱😱😱😱@yolofish!

There is not enough florabotannica in the world to make that ok.

I have always detested Christmas ( see username) and now I just don’t do it. No cards, no presents to anyone. Such a relief. just this year a visit to the cockroach home - after they have eaten and half an hour before she’s likely to go to sleep.

They call me Grinchly for a reason...😉

One day I will do what I want to do at Xmas!!!!