The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

sandwich hit post too soon

This is on top of full time work?

sandwich that’s an awful lot.

nora so glad you had your chaps with you and sounds like your mum coped well. 🌺🌺
Leave it to the lawyers and look after yourself. Sounds like your dm s safe and being cared for.
rose I had been doing at least one visit a day including meal prep and commode......
Plus shopping/ all admin/ Christmas shopping etc etc........

Nora that sounds like a tough day all round, and I'm glad you had your minders with you. Sending you a large G&T for fortitude.

nora just the biggest hug and all forms of soothingness for you... it sounds as if it was as good as it could have been? you must be absolutely shattered xx

Oh nora big hugs for you.

Today was my mother's husband's funeral. My lovely son and my equally lovely ex came along for support for me and mum. The funeral (crem) was fine but they included only her reading suggestion- ignored her music choices (and actually I think they chose better music to be fair- and she did not remember her choices anyway).

I managed to shake hands with the Grimms and say I was sorry for thier loss. Mum asked me this morning before we left "remind me Nora- who'se funeral are we going to today?". She looked tiny and frail and lost but she was great- she kept it together and lots of the people from her local church came and she felt held in mind and cared about.
So I am glad that this chapter is closed with the Grimm family- there is just the property to deal with now, but as we are now dealing with probate grant before anything can be sold I suspect they may ease off on the demands for money and just leave us alone. No mention was made of property or money but I was surrounded by two 6'2" minders (son and ex) so I felt safe that they would not dare.

I took her back to her resi home where it felt warm and cosy and inviting and comforting. I needed to leave, I was exhausted and relieved.

I have everything crossed that things will be easier now.

Sending everyone hope and strength for 2020 as we soldier on with our parents and help them through their latter years.

sandwich what are you doing at the mo?

That sounds lovely dint
I am endeavouring to get out of the hands on care role with dm I’ve had to be part of since her fall in Nov so I am happy to do the treat bits.
Not easy.
Hope everyone is doing ok.

Mere I admire you for doing that, glad it went well.

Thanks yolo

I actually just cut the conversation short but she will decide I was in a bad mood

autumn it is exhausting and draining. The drainingness of it all was what really got to me, I could be perfectly happy and within 5 mins mum could puncture my balloon. I just took to I never got - or indeed properly looked for - any carers' support, but dint has some good thoughts above.

Mere I might do that, thanks.

I’ve just had mum on the phone, she was at a friend’s house today and somehow still managed to go on about her loneliness within 5 mins.

Thanks yolo

There’s a local carer support group but I’m imagining it will be people who are doing full on care, not people who are doing stuff like I am - help with shopping, doc appointments etc. So I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to go.

I think autumn it covers virtually everything! From the basic mental load to the full on physical care (which I dont think many of us do).

Its like boiling a lobster though, you start off with the little things and then it just becomes more and more time consuming and mentally and physically consuming. IME at least.

Lovely crochet

I was wondering, what would posters here say is covered by “caring for a parent”?

ghost lovely crochet! also, what about a jigsaw puzzle, or if not too geeky, one of those hidden object games on a tablet? I am addicted to one called something like Mystery Castle on Bigfish games, it's free...

Ta-dah! Managing some crochet.
And I have indeed told him those exact words "use it or lose it"! And variations of that for the last ten years...

Gh0st ah, that’s really difficult. My mother tends to overdo things but comes from the school of “use or it lose it”. I reckon a knee replacement will be in order soon.

It is very hard that they don’t have someone else to moan to!

autumn my DF is pretty fed up, can barely walk, but can't be bothered to do physio, etc to help matters. However, I had a good talk to the home manager who seems on the ball and proactive, so I'm confident he's in the right place. He's going to be miserable wherever, but at least he's being looked after.
It's draining being the one person they rely on, and the one they moan to, isn't it. We all need a good moan though, so I do understand. I think DF puts on a bit of a cheery front for other people, out of politeness, etc, but I get the doom and gloom.
Yolo I'm going to try news, or something like that, thanks. I've arranged for a newspaper for him every day, and will encourage him to do the crossword with me next visit.
Jace it's infuriating isn't it? I had all sorts of things like that when DM died. I think my dad had a letter from DWP informing him he had died. When I phoned to sort it out, they insisted they needed him to phone and sort it out - to prove he wasn't dead?!
And I like crochet too, haven't had much opportunity recently, but attempting a blanket!

Jace I am a very anxious person, I admit

But that picture worries me.

The Winter Fuel might be right, we had all sorts of odd letters. Terrible about the bank though.

After what mum went through, I was trying to think, how would I go about setting up some sort of campaign to get better service in these situations?

A belated happy new year to everyone
Still trying to tie up lots of loose ends here
Sent off paperwork to Dads work pension to get 1/2 transferred to DM
His bank have not had copy of death cert despite me taking it in - in person and them scanning to send to head office - so have to go in to branch yet again
Weird letter from DWP re his winter fuel allowance - they are sending me £150 even though they know he died in October!?!
Took DM to optician - although routine check up - her dementia made it anything but and I was with her best part of 1/2 a day - thankful for understanding employers etc
Dcat and I are knitting tonight but gin is also involved