The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

nota that’s good.
Did she say it because she’s pissed off? There’s likely to be a bit of that if you’re setting new boundaries.

Thanks for the loan of the backbone all.

DM said she didn't want me to go over to see her last night... so I didn't.

nota agree with others- let dB sort out your dm. Put your health first.

nota I'm so sorry you're having health issues... I think DB needs to book somehwere in advance rather than 'driving up to see if pub is open'! After 20 years you have more than done your bit, and you need to look after yourself . Keep strong xx

nota sorry to hear that. Are you on meds already, just wondered if it’s a case of additional meds or trying them new altogether.

Re Xmas, I think could you tell your mum you’re going away?

nora sorry if this has been covered already but can the Office of the Public Guardian help at all?

sandwich I took mum to outpatients as well, I was hoping they’d cross her off their worry list but they said one more appointment in two months and she should try to gain weight or they will be doing more investigations. I do of course realise she’s underweight but I wish they’d just accept it.

yolo I stayed at mums last night and asked if we could stop watching after 20 mins. It’s just going to be repeated over the next three weeks.

Welcome to the newbies on this thread. It's the club that nobody wants to be a member of, and a safe space to vent, etc.

I had to wear a 24hr blood pressure monitor last week. I got the results back Monday and they were frighteningly high. I think for me something worse than dying of a heart attack would be suffering a debilitating stroke. So while waiting for the GP appointment have given up coffee. gulp.

Because things are not good with DS I asked DB if he could host DM for xmas this year (given I have hosted her for 20+ years), he has told her I'm busy and so he'll have to drive up and see if he can find a pub that's open (ie SIL doesn't want to host her). I know I'm going to cave in and have her (which means her critiquing every part of the meal, my house, my lifestyle etc for the day until I get to drive her home).

nora big hugs and put the Grimms to one side - you dont have to answer their messages?

I've just watched the election debate, it has enraged me so much and made me think of mum - she'd have analysed every single word! (disparagingly of course)

Just dropping in after a looong session at outpatients with dm..... hospital all v good and kind.
Sorry to read so many of you are dealing with s#£&.
No wisdom, but sympathy, cats,🍷🍷🍫🍫🌺🌺

The fecking Grimms are at it again. Asking me for money, but ignoring what my mum has paid out. My stress levels are through the roof. I can barely function outside of work.

I need a lawyer (thought I had one) who I can lay out all this shit in front of and have them tell me what to do or better still, do it for me.

Jace I think it would be decent if your DP rang his mum to say “don’t ring Jace”.

I’ve known DP for over 30 years although not always in a relationship
I have not changed my phone number or moved house - hence why his DM knows I’m her best chance of making contact with him
She last rang me maybe 8-10 years ago and I explained then that he wished to remain NC and why - she wasn’t very pleasant to me even though I was polite about it so in the end I terminated the call
She’s elderly and it’s a landline so can’t message - I doubt she would have an email address
I’m hoping to call at a time tomorrow when she’s out so I can just leave a message
She doesn’t actually know that I’m still in touch with DP the message stated that - but I won’t lie to her or not respond as that would not sit right with me
Over the years I’ve checked with DP the what ifs of similar scenarios as we both knew at some point this or something similar would happen
It’s just the unfortunate timing more than anything

Rhino I was thinking there must be some interaction or how would the mum know Jace at all, if you see what I mean.

Autumn, he's been no contact with his parents for 15 years, I think it's safe to say he definitely does NOT talk to them!

Jace if she sounds off at you can you just give her the same back?
How about emailing/messaging her instead of calling, it's a bit easier to control the narrative that way?

Jace does DP not talk to his mum?

Under normal circumstances, you shouldn’t be stuck in the middle of this. In your current situation, even more so! Why didn’t she just ring him?

Thank you @Rhinoskinhavel , l find l am doubting myself all the time, l see my Sister & Mother in my voice and the way l say and do things and l hate it . I don't understand why others don't see what l see. I am just trying to get through this a bit at a time but sometimes it overwhelms me and an outpouring happens. l am all over the place struggling with coping with my loss , l loved my Sister so much. Thank you so much for listening

I’m now on the Bacardi with Dcat booking an escape holiday!

Pressed enter too soon - I just don’t need this today - selfishly - I just want some peace and quiet and to grieve and recover myself

First day properly back at work today was busy and stressful so made sure I left on time and had pre planned pleasant evening as DS out
Called in to TKmaxx to return a dress and bought a lovely black cardigan
Decided on quick stir fry for dinner then to spend the rest of evening researching holidays..........
Got home around 8.30 to find a message on answerphone from DPs DM saying his DF is end of life and they need to see/speak to him
To put in context they are a difficult family and have done some terrible things to DP to the point he went NC 15+ years ago
I still had to ring and tell him which wasn’t easy - he still does not want to see either of them and says my Dad was more of a father to him etc
On the other hand I can’t stay out of it and if nothing else will have to ring his DM tomorrow and say I’ve passed message on but nothing has changed and know she will probably either sound off at me or try and manipulate me to work on him

Mrsmad I am familiar with the types of people of which you speak, and you will find others on the stately homes thread if you want to read or post on there
For now I would just say whatever you need to do to protect yourself or build a wall around yourself then you must do it

Yolofish it is more than enough , thank you so much

hi mrsmad, vent away it sounds like you need and deserve to. I'm so sorry that you are in such a horrible position, but at this (late!) stage of the night all I can do is offer you a bunch of

Evening everyone, have been reading this thread for a couple of days and today l thought was time to vent to ppl who will understand. l just couldn't take anymore from my Mum today and snapped at her. She is not a very nice person and l suspect she has Histrionic narcissism which is as it sounds , all about her and attention seeking behaviour. She manages to guilt trip me by saying why are you speaking like that to me . I am not speaking badly to her just loudly because she cannot hear. 'You are being nasty to me ' when l am just asking her if she has rung my Brother to tell him she won't be going down to their house for Sunday lunch again this week. 'l haven't had time yet, you are treating me as if l am mental'. I am not like that l am so kind to her but she is totally self absorbed and l really cannot do anything right. I am so pissed off and so stressed by it all. My Dad died in March and all l get from her is how much she loves & misses him and how badly he treated her and this is alternated as and how she is feeling at the time.
A friend of my parents , Bob, who lost his wife 3 weeks ago called in to see Mum today and she was on and on about herself and so insensitive to how Bob must have been feeling. Poor man.
I have fallen out badly with my sister and her DH because Mum had a nanny cam installed because she is elderly and needs care , l look after her 5 days a week. l had a link on my phone via the app and l could hear my Sister saying terrible things to my Mum about me. I worshiped my sister , l shared my DDS with her and l put her on a pedestal. I have been so upset about her and discovering she did this about me. I can't explain how upset l am. She has always spoken badly about other ppl to me and l never realised she spoke that way about me too, l must have been so thick. Honestly the things she said were awful. I was not grieving my father , or my Dmil or my BF , l was smug and self satisfied at my Dmil funeral , l am evil, jealous of her .
She smears me to Mum about everything such as l have not bought her washing in from the line when l would do it normally , her bloody washing was wet , if l had bought it in wet then that would have been wrong. l could go on and on honestly and l miss her and still love her but l realise she is not a very nice person . l have gone mad over this smearing of my name to my Mum. l had a massive row with my sister and have gone NC with her. l feel so betrayed by Mum and my sister. My Mum rolls my sisters sleeves up and l am not allowed to speak even to explain anything . I am shouted at by Mum she says 'MOUTH' to me and l am genuinely heart broken and l just want to get off this horrible roundabout l seem to be on. I wonder if l am co dependant on them and this is why l want things to improve because if l could think straight then l would run a mile before going back to the relationship with my sister. Sorry for going on but it so helps to vent . I have not told you anything like what my life has been like this is a mere snapshot . I am bereft l really am , l have tried counselling but l can' t seem to get one that realises they are both narcs. I can never get closure l can never get any fair treatment . It is so painful. Thank you so much for letting me vent .