The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Sorry, yet more ranting but it’s good to rant here or I’ll upset mum and cousin

I think one of the things that’s so hard about this is a simple task or decision takes forever and I still think it might be “bored individual trying to create activity”.

Mum often thinks my anxiety and depression are the reason I find it hard to cope with her. I should let her think this, probably. I mean, she’s 81, nothings going to improve is it?

When she’s lovely she’s so lovely but the minute any kind of task comes in, even just helping her with shopping, she has to make a mission of it.

She’s also back on her bandwagon of how I don’t socialise enough, I need to start lying about it I think.

Hi LEM

I’ve seen your posts re your mum

You have a lot to deal with.

Ohhh the pet pics have perked me up.

Here are my boys and a random hedgehog from work

Please may I join? After a 2 year battle to get my mother to accept carers coming to her house, she us, predictably, kicking off about them. "Don't like that bitch", "they don't heat my food up for me" etc etc I am scared she is going to refuse to have them. The geriatrician visited on Tuesday and she was on a good day, and was happy that things are "so much better" i just shrugged. I know we are heading for yet another uneccesary hospital admission (she calls 111/999 if she feels even the slightest bit unwell) that turns into major drama due to mother not wanting to stay, me and DP make pound bets based on her mood whether there will be a a&e visit.

The geriatrician visited because of this.

I'm at my wits end, i know it's all going tits up again and I simply cannot cope. I feel bad because all I do is mums shopping but it's all the drama and my mother is "difficult" abusive

There doesn't seem to be a single one person I can contact as they all have disparate roles and no one coordinator

Will read other posts for perspective

nota the thing I find about skipping visits is it makes the next one worse. So I get back to my own planet for longer and then really feel super awful when I arrive on hers.

Loving dog pic Yolo 😊

No pets here, the only thing I could post is a pic of a wilting houseplant which I will save you from.

I think skipping a week with DM did me the world of good. What really struck me at last night's visit though was how shabby her house is looking these days. She used to be super house proud, and yet now there are dirty tissues everywhere, the washing basket is overflowing, the kitchen in need of a scrub down. Sad for her really. I need to find a way of tackling it.

here is an upside down pic of my ridiculous dog to add some cheer!

I think I upset mum this evening

I said I was going to pull back from helping her with a couple of things because I spent ages on them and she forgot about them. I’m not complaining that she’s forgetful at her age, I just politely pointed out that I couldn’t do the same stuff again (it was time sensitive).

She was upset and kept saying “but it’s not my fault”. I know it’s not, but just saying to her “it’s okay, I’d just like to handle this differently” has upset her. I think I did too much for her after dad died - as many posters said to me at the time...

Too cute!

I tried type “Jane” earlier and it autocorrected to Jace 😂

First Xmas hat
Dcat is very placid

Outgrew last years hat

This showed up on my YouTube suggestions and cheered me up, though I saw it at the time

They need to add in Maxine Peake, Andrew Scott and Cush Jumbo

Thanks for the support yolo and rose
rose vent away. Sorry it’s so crap. 🌺🌺🍷🍷
cockroach all

And again, because I can’t say it anywhere else - family is such a load of shite.

I’ve just had another tearful outburst over the joys of dealing with an oldie. It really is just so shit isn’t it. Thank goodness for this anonymous board.

also sending love to all. This dealing with oldies is so bloody tough. cockroach one and all xx

Hugs to everyone who needs them

Loving the cat pics. I’m also amazed anyone can get their cat in a hat but I’ve never actually owned a cat so hardly an expert!

Lovely puss! I do just having a cat but ntroducing a new one but 2 lively dogs doesn't seem fair.

My parents get on ok really. They prop each other up, are very independent minded and just need popping in type checks and lifts to the shops. DB1 lives close to them and calls in a couple of times a week and friends give them lifts - dads blue badge has benefits. The only issue is how long they can go on like that. It just bugged me that when dad fractured his pelvis and a couple of vertebrae the lead time for any grant they could apply for to convert the bathroom to a walk in shower was so long it wasn't practical and you can't carry out the work before the grant is agreed.
Sunday DH realised finally how manipulative his dad has been. He gets all poor me, I just have my meagre pension and I have a big bill or something needs replacing and family have been paying up. It now turns out he is better off than us and BIL2 . Where we thought they had enough money to live comfortably but no more it appears that he has all sorts of allowances from goodness knows where and has been saving to the extent he is at risk of losing some means tested allowances. Hence the expensive car so he isn't saving as much. Poor DH was floored when he said that as FIL has been dropping heavy hints that his washing machine was very old and he was worried about how he would cope if it needed replacing. There was a plan in place to buy him a new one. Plan has now changed to "let me know when you've bought a new one and one of us will plumb it in". When DH asked how he would afford the monthly payments if MIL died and he shouted "you just want your mother dead" and slammed the phone down.

jace thank you for your pics. Lovely after a tough few days dealing with another dm fall/ a and e/ etc etc.... head injury/ scans etc...
countrygirl have your dps looked at attendance allowance? Non means tested. Get help( age uk or carers assoc) to complete.

I really don’t know how I’d cope without Dcat to be fair

For the cat lovers