The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

Jace

The paperwork at such a time....

I think you can try here

www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/

Or the relevant local authorities.

I’m doing Xmas sadness here
DC helped me decorate tonight or probably wouldn’t have bothered
DD bought me a special bauble to commemorate Dad and the Xmas decoration I bought him for his room in nursing home is now next to his photo on a side table
Just going through the motions though
I’m getting so many letters re pensions, benefits, pension credit etc, overpayments, underpayments, monies owed etc I feel like I’m drowning
DM with dementia has no idea where her birth or marriage certificates are and I need them to get his pensions reallocated to her
As I have POA can I get copies on her behalf? What is the process?

Notaflyingmonkey - I actually appreciate the hardfaced bitchery if im honest.

I'd tell anyone else to walk away and be incredulous if they didn't but she is my mum. However the resentment is running deep

Hi carrot - how are you?

I tried to get an appointment with my gp today, couldn't get one.

Tried to ring the cate manager - she was "on another call" so already we are "that family" she didn't call back.

Social services did call though so that's something- I missed the call

Do collected mum's shop, returned the card. I won't have it again. I have the details to do online shop.

Will try and catch up with folks stories.

Carrot welcome.

I heard a small child in Aldi ask her dad “why is the carrot dressed up?”

It precipitated a nice chat with my mum about how these things are really for adults!

LEM really don’t worry about monopolising the board, I think posting stuff out of context can be a bd idea, if you saw that thread about the parents with dementia staying for Xmas, that’s a good example!

nora that’s the worst isn’t it....when you think things might improve and they don’t.

all.

carrot welcome- red, white or gin?
At any one time one or more of us is going through the wringer, and just knowing someone hears is so helpful.
And when waters are calmer, we can offer more support.

Welcome carrot we all know the feeling. and FTR nota is NOT a hardfaced bitch however much she'd like to pretend!!

I think I would have gone mad without this thread, and the support on here. I'm one of the 'lucky' ones, my DM gone now, but I hang out anyway...

Hello - I just responded to LEM in AIBU but actually I could really do with a space (and a glass) myself.

Speaking as a hard faced bitch Lem, please don't worry about monopolising this thread, that's what we are here for. I have droned on at length and have always had support, as well as useful practical advice at times. It really has helped me enormously to be able to vent with people who get how hard it all is. If we can't help or offer advice, we can be the people who hold your hand when you need it.

(I'm still massively impressed by one poster's stealth boast about shagging til 4am as a way of coping with stress though - no names, obvs )

LEM I saw your post in AIBU, you are better off sticking to this board. I'm sure we all understand that people will post a lot when there is a crisis so don't feel bad.

LEM please feel free to say what you need to here- or on a new thread on this elderlies board if you’d rather. We have all been through, or are going through All sorts of £&*# and understand... and please dont think we are all coping better than you because it’s not true.
Your situation sounds appalling. Dealing with a relatively with it but virtually immobile elderly is so much less complex or challenging.
Please protect yourself. You can only do what you can do. 🌺
IABU is a far less forgiving place.

Lem I've not been on here much so not seen your post in AIBU. What's happening for you? I can assure you my mental health is tacking a severe battering and I'm doing all sorts of things to shore myself up; some good (swimming, meditation and eating; some double plus ungood, drinking daily including gin the last two nights, not eating, otc drugs sometimes. Anything that gets me through the day/situation. I was prescribed counselling on nhs but the waiting list is so long my mother will be dead too by the time I get an appointment.

You're not alone, it's bloody hard going and some days I feel like phoning social services and saying "you take it on, I'm done" but so far, so not done that. Today's death just opened A whole new chapter that I thought might make things less complicated but so far it's taken up all of me. And I'm back down the snakes tail at square one again.

I've found so much support here and I know I'm a dipper in and outer but I'll listen....

LEM tbh you are probs better off here than in AIBU, where you will get all sorts. So sorry your mum is being so difficult and that you are having to cope with it all yet again. At least us lot on here understand the problems! cockroach one and all

Nora - drink the gin!! I'm sorry to hear about your mum's situation.

Things got worse with my mum again. I started a thread in AIBU as i didn't want to monopolise this thread. I feel like I'm sinking - my own MH issues are meaning that I'm letting my mother down because i can't handle her shinanegans.

There is reason for me to question my mums memory for the first time this weekend but in all honesty I don't kniw if im coming or going so maybe I'm mistaken about the tablets.

You guys seem to cope so well yet everything is drama for me

nora so glad you are looking after yourself. Sending tigers and Teflon.

I've had a swim and eaten (which is better than many days when food is of no interest) now I'm having that gin. An early night will follow no doubt. Bring it on Grimms, I'm ready for you!

Sending you virtual hugs and virtual gin Nora.

much love nora and sending you very strong shark barriers through the ether.

Well it's started, mum's husband died last night. She understands (at least she did when I left her after telling her 20+ times that he's died.)

I looked at her phone and she had called his nursing home 154 times in a couple of weeks. I've deleted it from her phone now.

Staff at her resi home all know so I've had to leave her to them. I couldn't stay any longer with her for fear of getting irritated by the relentless "I've been so unlucky to lose two husbands" (one 40 year marriage and the second 20 years) and asking what she's done to deserve this. Then telling me I can have all her money (I obviously cannot) and obsessing over a list of hymns for the funeral which she's already passed on to the Grimms. It's going to be a tough few weeks getting through this and the funeral. Then dealing with the fallout over the jointly owned properties. Maybe though it signals the end of my annus horriblis and will allow mum to just get on with day to day living without constant worry about her husband.

I'm rallying my support network around me and fighting off the urge to drink gin right now.

Francis report into appalling standards of care at Stafford hospital a few years

(ignorant) what is the Francis Report ?

yolo that sounds really positive for your dh. I’m so glad.
And well done for fighting for your dm.
It’s people like you fighting who make change..... “Francis report” started v near here..... Thank you.

thesandwich yes, all fine, bloods good etc, and basically as long as he not hospitalised while on chemo (?!!) they are happy.

good news about today being easier LEM long may it continue.

absolutely drained by today, but mum would think we had done her proud. I just dont want other old people without someone to fight their corner being subjected to the same lack of holistic care, some absolute callousness, and just the mess we went through - at the centre of which was our mother who didnt deserve what she got.

Yolo that sounds hard - your mum would have been proud I'm sure. Don't know the back story but it does feel like the elderly are swept under the carpet.

Mother much calmer today - I went round earlier and took her a sandwich from the shop. She moaned a little about the curtains but acknowledged the birthday cards and flowers. I

yolo you did well