Anyone got tips for successfully convincing someone to stop driving?

www.rdac.co.uk/professionals/
You can ask your GP to refer someone through this website. You can self refer for £80, or a GP can do it and it costs £40. I asked my dad's GP to do this - it looked much better coming from her, than from his nagging daughter!

My DF had his cateracts done several years ago and was marvelling how amazing it was that he had (apparently) perfect vision....but the amount of very obvious stuff he seems not to see now makes me wonder just how poor his eyesight was before. He is unable to drive for medical reasons which is a massive relief but he was very cross about it and wanted o appeal.

I ran myself over with a moped when about 16. It was small thankfully.

My fil ran himself over with his own car My father ran himself over with his own car. He was about 35 at the time.

I agree doctors don’t always know and can’t assess driving in many cases. I have remembered before we took keys etc when with my dad it was really clear he shouldn’t be driving and we were nearly there with him - he asked at a doctors appointment (I was with him). The doctor quite rightly from his POV said ‘I can’t see any medical reason for you not to drive’. My dad was jubilant - I was not. My dad was a crafty old thing.

Tried to persuade DF for ages. GP told him there was no DVLA reason to stop driving but suggested if df was his relative he would want him to stop. So DB and I agreed to remove the keys. He was furious but then accepted it.

I worked as a specialist dementia nurse and I once shopped a patient to the DVLA.

It was just in time, too. They wrote to her GP and asked for an assessment. The next day she ran someone over, then reversed into the people who came to help the victim.

The police turned up later and told her that she could give them the keys to her car or have a driving assessment the next month.

She gave them the keys. And she never knew (and neither did her family) that it had been I who had reported her to the DVLA in the first place.

I'm not entirely sure I understand how he managed it but something about putting his car in the garage putting it in (what he thought was) neutral before getting out to check if it was in far enough and then it moved (having been accidentally left in either drive or reverse) and leaping in to hit the gear stick and knocking it the other way drive/reverse when it collected him and ran him over. The details are very sketchy as he is hugely embarrassed and only very reluctantly told us 3 weeks after it happened having sworn mil to secrecy!

I almost had to have this conversation with my Dad who had cateracts and couldn't see properly. He has always been very active and independent and the thought of him being unable to drive was just awful....however once I realised that if he had an accident and injured someone I would have felt like it was partially my fault for not doing anything.

I really wouldnt have had any choice.

Thankfully he ended up getting his eyes done very quickly and could see well enough to drive.

OP, It doesn't matter what all the other relatives think. What would you feel like if your relative injured or killed someone and you hadn't done anything???

I second driving assessment centres! Police community support officers are also very good at talking it through with people when there are safety issues. Or if it’s less about safety my local council did a great booklet about how to decide when it’s time to stop driving, taking into account medical issues, finances, convenience etc. Check out your local authority online.

iknow - my imagination isn’t good enough; actually wait did he forget the handbrake? But in any case if you could say how, that would be good 😆

DB took DM's car and keys "to look after them" while she was in hospital for an operation and DB kept "forgetting" to drop them back again.

She was a very unsafe driver in her later years owing to confusion, hallucinations and poor situation perception. Yet she was pretty wiley about passing memory clinic tests by distraction - often by sabotaging them as she'd throw a huge tantrum about some aspect of how she had been treated - such as accusing the doctors of only testing her "for the money". She would also rest up for 2-3 days.

She was still demanding her car keys back in the weeks before she died - telling everyone she needed to get out in her car - despite the fact that in reality she was bedridden and the care home staff had to use a hoist as she couldn't stand unaided.

jesus, all these people who clearly shouldn't drive. It's one thing not letting your kids in the car with them but other innocent ppl are on the roads with them! There really should be some kind of check up but how, what...?

It’s difficult. My own ma passed away recently. My siblings and I were very close to having to have the talk with her about giving up driving. Glad we (and she) didn’t have to go through that. She was always resistant to using taxis or having shopping delivered - think she could see what was on the cards.
With my dad we hid the keys and slightly disabled his car - step ma still drove and much nicer car so he seemed not to notice.
Good luck op. Not looking forward when the time comes for me but hope I’ll realise when it has.

My fil ran himself over with his own car about 4 weeks ago (yes really) and gleefully told us at the weekend that his licence has just been extended - off to look at the above link

Gp may not be helpful, they can advise someone not to drive but can’t make them stop and many gps don’t feel qualified to judge.

You can report her anonymously on the Dvla website. Also worth checking the dvla website for the very very long list of medical conditions you should report to them.

Saying that they now deserve to be chauffeured around rather than having to go to the hassle of driving can work, especially if the local taxi firm help sweet-talk them. My mum thankfully stopped driving 10 years ago, because she 'didn't like the bother' of a car (which she kept pranging every couple weeks), and has used that logic on friends of hers (she'll never admit she was always a terrible driver but if she's not driving, that's fine)

It’s hard to see your parents or loved ones like this. My friends and I had an elderly friend whose driving was terrible and we just refused to go with him when he offered to drive. He soon got the hint.

I've just shopped both my parents to the DVLA. They only have one working eye between them. My Mum in particular has never been a good driver but is now downright dangerous. My dad has been having accidents in car parks etc for years (never his fault ). He can barely breathe or walk around much outside, his reactions are slow, his decision making poor and he gets very stressed behind the wheel ( but won't let on).
I haven't let my kids be in the car with them driving for three years.

They live rurally and will be very upset. I feel very guilty. But not as guilty as id feel if one of them killed someone else and I hadn't done anything to stop them.
Sensible conversations didn't work. In fact my dad, then aged 88, went out and bought himself a sports car as a result of my sister and I raising the issue. To make some sort of point I assume (but thereby proving that he is totally irrational on the subject).

My uncle needs to stop. This is useful to pass on to parents.

DVLA took 7 weeks to reply to every piece of correspondence so an elderly person trying to complain/appeal is off road for a long period if they want to challenge.

Last year DM drove at 25mph up the M4 and took 8 hours to do a 2 hr journey. She clipped other cars regularly and still wouldnt give up driving. When her licence needed renewing i sent the form to the DVLA with a covering letter saying that i didn't think she should be driving and they refused to renew it. It came as an official letter so she couldnt argue.
I spoke to her GP previously and he wouldn't help me with stopping her driving. So when she was tested at the memory clinic and had very limited spatial awareness because of dementia the consultant neurologist agreed and i felt so relieved i had made the right decision - for the safety of all other roadusers round here!! She still moans about it but now has an account with the local taxi firm - "her driver" 😉

With mil, after she couldn't work out how to pay for petrol one day dh spoke to the local police who arranged to have a word with her.
But family need to share a view and support.

On arrival at the surgery, she smartly reversed into the doctors car
omg

We arranged a driver assessment through a local centre, which seemed like a suitable neutral body to break the news