Dm cant entertain self

But the reason I posted And despite the name standing for "University of the 3rd Age", it is not university level, far from it. was to make sure that anyone who felt university level was a bit challenging for their elder, that it really was a lot more accessible than that.

It's a fantastic organisation and a great way to make friends. but it isn't what it was originally suggested it could be, a place where people with high level knowledge could share their knowledge with others, somewhere where you could pursue interests at a higher level than was catered for in any other way. Rather, it has replaced the old adult education classes.

if anyone wants to go to university who can afford £9000 a year on top of their living expenses (and their extra living expenses if their local university doesn't do their chosen subject) they can go to an actual university, don’t think there are age limits.

Most of us aren't in that situation.

And even if we are, if there's any hint we may require care in the future there's deprivation of asset to think about.

www.u3a.org.uk/

U3A in not only not university level, it's not a university.
No one is being sarcastic. It's a fantastic organisation and a great way to make friends.

I don’t know if people are being sarcastic about U3A not being university level, but if anyone wants to go to university they can go to an actual university, don’t think there are age limits.

U3A is really just an umbrella organisation that offers lots of clubs. Any thing at all:
Flower arranging
Yoga
Learning a language
Bridge
WAlking
Learning guitar
Tennis
Cinema
Crochet
Calligraphy
Hand bell ringing
Singing
Cooking
Trips/sightseeing
Theatre
Debating
Chess

Just a selection from the U3A my DM attends. People are encouraged to start their own club if there's something they fancy.

Norwegian cruises have an adults only lounge for single people x

I tended to go for a weeks holiday with my dm every year and it worked out well, but not all the time!

The more you post the worse she sounds! You really need to say no and mean it. I've had to learn to say no to my mother, I'm 59 ! Lol
The guilt trips dont work as well on me now. In fact I've just told her I'm not going to a family gathering next week because another family member who's not talking to me will be there. It makes it so awkward!
Chatting to a friend about it today made me realise that I dont have to do what she wants. I can make my own decisions! Good luck OP

I had no idea that U3A was dumbed down and not university level!

Send her off on a very long Saga cruise a nice 28 day one.....give yourself a break....she will meet lots of people in her situation and make new friends x

Like a few of us have said U3A has something for everyone. And despite the name standing for "University of the 3rd Age", it is not university level, far from it.

I think you need to get her to understand that you are not responsible for her happiness, and that you have your own responsibilities at home. As well as the right to enjoy activities and outings that you actually WANT to go to, with the people you want to go with (like DP or other friends).

Start to set boundaries around the days that you are available for her, and the days that you are not. Which are not JUST the days that you are at work, but days that you are doing other things as well (and that may include just hanging out at home, reading a book - it is YOUR time to decide how you want to use it).

She is being rude and disrespectful, so call her out on that. She doesn't have a right to your time. She doesn't have a right to use you as she has no one else. You went with her to Spain, but that still wasn't good enough. So what IS good enough? And how does YOUR HAPPINESS come into HER PLANS?

The local U3A has a walking club. Like a few of us have said U3A has something for everyone. It isn't just for unfit old fogeys.

You have made a rod for your own back, you have made yourself her go to person, step back and leave her to organise her own life

tbh this doesn't sound like it's anything to do with her being elderly

it sounds like she wants you to be company in the things she enjoys doing and then criticises you for not having the same interests

you need to put your foot down. Think of her as a mate who calls up and whines that she wants you to think of something to do that she enjoys etc etc. She needs to find friends she has things in common with, not bother you all the time.

If anyone else was doing this it would be rude, disrespectful and selfish. Is it really any different because she is your mum.

You don't have to think of places she could go or anything else as she is quite capable of doing it for herself.

She doesn't want to do it for herself because 'why should she?'. She has plenty to do ... with you and unless until you stop being there for her she has no need to move out of her comfort zone.

You can't change her behaviour, you can only change yours.

Book a time to see her at your convenience, then you say I'll see you whenever it is. Just don't budge. Work out what you want to do and stick to it

As she says she is using you OP I would start getting tough with her, and tell her she needs to sort out her own activities etc

She doesn't sound very nice and I agree with other posters that you need to distance yourself. She may find problems with finding anything to suit her if she's bitter and negative, but that's her look-out.

If she actually said to you 'shes using me as shes no one else to go out with' then I'd be very firm, tell her how much she hurt you, and go very LC until she was kinder. But you are going to need to stand up to her and be firm.

Ha ha me too toddlerteaplease!

I'm 37 and would love to join U3A. The stuff that my mum and dad do with them is exactly the things I also love doing. But I'm too young!

Would she go on holiday with people she didn’t know? SAGA and other holiday companies that specialise in solo travelling (but not designed for singles to meet up with someone)