Hi all, not sure whether I’m hoping for advice or reassurance. Sorry for long story but really appreciate anything you have to say.
Next door neighbour is a bit odd and difficult to deal with. Not sure how old, between 65 and 75 but vulnerable in the sense she’s few social skills and some strange behaviours. When we moved in 4 years ago I tried to be kind but she’s genuinely impossible to deal with so I just keep out of the way now.
Anyway, she was on her own with a husband with advanced dementia for a year after we moved in. No visitors, ever. One day hubby fell down the back door steps and we picked him up and asked around if there were family members nearby. Turns out her daughter lives 100 metres away. We went round to tell DD mum and dad were in trouble and family started appearing to ‘help’ I say ‘help’ because there was much tooing and froing and a lot of loud conversations and council workers fixing the house up but then father fell down stairs and died. I couldn’t help but wonder why, with all the activity, and after he fell down the three back door steps, nobody had moved his bed downstairs.
Fast forward three years and I’ve become used to the sight of the daughter arriving three times a day for quick visits with food. She never goes inside the house. She stays for between 1 minute and 3 minutes. Sometimes friendly sometimes shouting. Her mum tries to talk to her and tell her things and occasionally there is a proper conversation but more usually she says she has to rush off. She brings a hot meal and a sandwich every day which the mother washes up.
How do I know all this? Every conversation takes place a few feet from my kitchen door and the elderly neighbours door is always open. Yesterday daughter was shouting at the mother not to do the garden because she is paying her son to do it.
Now, as I said, the neighbour is difficult to deal with so it’s understandable that the daughter might want to rush off but what I’ve realised is that mother is probably claiming direct payments and paying daughter for this care. Then daughter is paying son to do garden. The garden is nevertheless a mess. Now if I told you that ours is an ex council house and they are still council tenants you might think I’m a snob but I want to tell you this because I can see that this is a family that have always struggled financially and educationally. This is what worries me, because I know that desperate people do desperate things.
I think the mother is very vulnerable and the daughter is using her as a meal ticket. I think the standard of care she is receiving is practically zero. The mother goes out every day on the bus shopping and seems fit and able in many ways so I’m unclear why she needs the meals delivering. It seems to me that the house may be in a risky state for falls and fire but the daughter is not addressing that. There are unspecified disabilities, I don’t know what, but I do know that the house is piled high with clutter, mostly piles of washing (?) and there’s just a narrow path through the mess from front room to kitchen.
I’ve cared for my own mother through a psychosis and I know it can be difficult. I would not want to be this woman’s daughter. I would not want to have to care for her. However she is a human being and doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of by unscrupulous and uncaring relatives. I don’t know what to do. It’s not my business. There’s no immediate danger I don’t think. I don’t know. Can someone cast a clear eye over this situation for me please.