My 90 year old mum sadly died yesterday. She'd had dementia for the last 10 years and lived in a rest home for 7 of those after DF passed away.
Up until the diagnosis they'd led a fairly active social life and had a wide circle of long standing friends. They were also close to my fathers 3 siblings and regularly met up. Once my mum began displaying obvious symptoms of her
illness they pretty much withdrew from life, I suspect because DF wanted to shield mum from potential embarrassment. He didn't even tell his siblings about her diagnosis (they only found out because he was admitted urgently to hospital and she rang them repeatedly) even though they would have undoubtedly have been sympathetic.
Once DM went in to care, all family and friends forgot about her, not even a christmas card or a quick note. Admittedly many of their friends were frail and elderly themselves and didn't live that close but 2 of dad's siblings were 10 years plus younger and pretty fit and active. She'd known them 50 odd years. One of them would ring occasionally to enquire about her but that ceased a few years ago. I'm an only child so essentially was her only visitor for all that time (all her own siblings died years ago ).
I'd pretty much accepted that her funeral would be an extremely small gathering, just myself, dp and my 2 children. I'm happy with this tbh. Yesterday I facebooked a cousin just to ask her to let aunts and uncles know (I don't have their numbers) but stressed I didn't expect them to attend her funeral due to distance etc. Apparently they now want to know funeral arrangements.
I feel in two minds about this as I'd psyched myself up for a very low key event. How do I tell them nicely I'd rather they not come ? They apparently asked for my number and that's fine, I 'd like to chat to them and maybe keep in contact but feel awkward. Any advice ?