Do not resusitate order - family informed?

57 replies

petiteonion · 09/04/2019 12:32

I live a long distane away from my family but try to get home as oftern as I can.

my father has COPD, Asbestos and other conditions relating to s lings and breathing. He reallu is quite ill with frequent hospital stays. my mum is his prime carer and she is struggling.

No-one has went through what my dads illness really is, what stages it is at and any discussions about what will happen next. we know he is ill but not a real picture of what it means for the next months. I doubt he has a year.

I was home last week and it coincided with another hospital stay. I tried to get to speak with a doctor but no-one was available at any stage. A doctor rang my mother yesterday saying that a family member has asked for a call so he was following up. In a very off hand manner he said that they were running out of options to treat him and that as a DNR was signed - there will be little emergency interventions in the future.

I am not saying a DNR is not appropriate but this has never been discussed with any of the family or my dad. I know the doctors can override a family's decision but we are not contesting it but wondered why no-one had let us know this had been agreed.

I thought we had to be informed?

OP posts:

BlueMerchant · 09/04/2019 13:10

Agree he needs to ask to see his records.
I think he has had a discussion earlier on in his treatment and signed it or there is a possibility he has signed it and has been trying to spare the feelings of his family and save from an uncomfortable discussion.

adulthumanwolf · 09/04/2019 13:01

He must have signed a DNR at an earlier date. He needs to ask for his records to see a copy of it.

Original poster

petiteonion · 09/04/2019 12:59

we are not trying to go against my dad's wishes.

My dad doesnt know - he was not consulted and does not remember any conversation with any doctor.

OP posts:

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 09/04/2019 12:57

I concur with what has already been said, my father had a DNR that he’d discussed and signed without telling the rest of the family. It was his choice, and ultimately his decision. Is your mum saying she knew nothing about it? Did he not tell her?
Ultimately, it is the individual’s choice, and the doctors and other staff will respect that.

BlueMerchant · 09/04/2019 12:42

Carer- sorry.

BlueMerchant · 09/04/2019 12:41

I think during one of your Father's hospital stays he must have agreed to this to be put in his care plan. If your Father is able to make informed decisions I don't think they liase with family.
My Grandfather agreed to the dnr without my mother who was his nok and career present.

ChicCroissant · 09/04/2019 12:39

They will not discuss your father's condition with you - that's up to him to pass on the information, if he doesn't want to talk about it I think you should respect his decision, hard as it is.

I do get the impression that it is your father who doesn't want to talk about it - the consultants would have gone through things with him and your mother at an earlier stage normally.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. I hope you are doing OK. It is a very difficult time for everyone.

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