The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

This thread
I can’t believe the things people really notice!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3640750-Knife-and-fork-how-do-you-push-food-onto-fork

I think that deserves an explaination Rosa for those of us who are now intrigued!

Speaking of class, something I never consider, the cutlery thread is worrying me in case people have been judging me for ...doing something wrong.

The thing I can’t get my head round is clearing up after dogs!

It’s definitely for the future but someone at work was telling me a dog would be fine in my flat. Not convinced as its boiling hot. A house with cats and dogs sounds fun!

Ddog is just the best! she's such a loving, funny thing, can also be a PITA, completely tennis ball-obsessed, love her to bits! the 3 dcats are also a delight. thoroughly recommend having a pet, cats are less trouble eg if you are in a flat, but just depends (we've had cats for the last almost 40 years, dogs for about 12?)

yolo “whoever really understands someone else”

True. Btw how is DDog? I used to want a cat but now thinking a dog might be nice, in the theoretical future where I don’t live in a flat!

rosa my mum was appalled if I ever called her a snob. But although she could - and would - talk to anyone, and a lot of people really liked her, she had an intrinsic thing about 'class'. Which was bizarre, but whoever really understands someone else? She was funny, she had lots of gay friends, also muslim/hindu friends, but could come out with some really appalling, embarassing stuff...which got even worse as she got deafer and spoke louder!

Oh....I was not expecting that for PLU. I have a couple of friends who say “people like us” and they mean things like, homophobia not welcome, for example.

Or that we are very casual relaxed people....like in another thread, I was saying I cut my own hair and the sort of person who tries to lecture me on why I should go to a hairdresser gets very short shrift! Sorry, these are random examples.

I hope mum doesn’t change but there’s no predicting the future of course.

PLU= People Like Us, aka snobby!! my mum was 88 when she died, so I guess started getting really tricky about 78?

need that does sound horrendous. My “bone tired” with mum is not that bad, I realise!

More hospital tests due but update is they seem to think it’s a kidney function issue and mum is feeling better, so I wonder if the UTI she had a while back was more serious than they thought? Anyway, we just have to wait and see but the fact that she’s feeling better is good.

yolo I really worry about mum reading that stage tbh. She does enjoy her time with me and sis and takes an interest in our friends, happy for them to go visit her etc. But she is 80, your mum wasn’t like that till later in 80s I think?

What is PLU please?

I was thinking about the moaniness today. It absolutely used to do my head in, and I tried every single tactic under the sun. Nothing worked, and it was basically because my DM no longer knew how to be happy with what she had (which was actually quite a lot despite her health problems). She turned away every offer of support - the befriender was 'so dull', she wouldnt go to old peoples lunches because they were all Old and not PLU (!) And because she couldnt/wouldnt do anything to help herself, or take happiness from other people's (me and the DDs) happiness she turned into a soul sucker. When I reach that stage it is the revolver in the darkened room for me.

needmoresleep, yes waiting for the inlaws to crumble. Not my job, this time round (although it will undoubtedly end up being, not sure how I am going to cope with that one)

cockroach all round.

Rosa, it was me who mentioned 'bone tired'. Elderly parent crisis, menopause, teenage children and work. I lived off adrenaline.

I somehow got through it and things are much easier now, though the to-do list remains. I am much more selfish about me-time and family time. I have also.found myself being more selective about friends. I dropped a couple because they were judgemental or unreliable, and found that though I had known them for ages, and they were basically good people, I did not have the energy to be making allowances.

Doubtless the current plateau will fall at some point, and I will be back on elderly parent crisis duty, plus the inlaws are in their 80s and wont go on for ever. (With an interesting family dynamic to work through.) I dont ever want to go back to being 'bone tired'. It may be inevitable but I now know a lot more, both about the process and about my beeds and boundaries.

Best wishes to those busy fighting the fires.

Paroxetine oh dear.

does that mean she knew a crisis was coming and just sprung it on you?

nota re opium pipe, I would like one of those now

nota oh yes, the dementor, the fun sponge, moaning myrtle. I’ve given up suggesting reasons why the care home staff can’t jump to her every whim, why the delightful receptionist might take her apparently unfranked 2nd class stamped envelope away.
Currently trying to sort a financial crisis that she’s fostered for years knowing that when it’s sorted there will be something else. Sorry folks, rant over for now but gin, cockroaches and Teflon all round

don't know if this counts as rude or if it will make anyone laugh...

today my mum had that annoying thing where you go to the bank to do one thing and they try and upsell you ten million other things.

apparently while my mum was trying to say no - she is normally far too polite and takes ages to get to "no thank you" - the staff member said "Isn't your daughter normally with you? Can't you get her to set this up?"

to which my mum replied "well, yes, but she has her own life, you know".

I don't know if mum realises how that probably sounded!

monkey that sounds awful. I know what you mean distraction topics, they rarely work and it’s hard gearing yourself up to do that anyway.

I’ve been out this evening. There’s a guy in my building who lives with his elderly father and cares for him. When I got in, the son was standing round the common parts trying to compose himself. I asked if he was okay and he said his dad had sent him out for something from the shop just before it closed at 11, he apparently got the wrong thing and his dad was yelling at him. So he stepped out to calm himself down.

I don’t know how people cope.

DM constantly, constantly moans. She has three or four pet topics, any of which can be brought up multiple times per visit. She talks about nothing else, and distraction techniques don't seem to work as she just goes straight back to her list of moans. Each are either completely trivial, or are things that she has manufactured to the point they have a life of their own. It is utterly depressing to spend any time with her as I have to just 'mmm' a lot as any other response is considered wrong.

I think because she thinks I am up myself (I'm not btw), she works up a head of steam to somehow challenge me to disagree or contradict her, along the lines of 'well you would think that, wouldn't you' or 'well I shown have known you'd take her side', etc.

I'd like to think if I was still here at 90, I'd just sit and chill with an opium pipe or something.

need sorry didn’t want to embarrass you.
Hope you sort a plan yolo
How is everyone? Still managingish to keep afloat here....

Not so. However I will be at home pretending to work (at managing my mothrrs assets) so more than happy to help with any logistics. Or give you my phone number in case of problems.

We have done two London graduations in the last two years. First BSc then MSc. It was a bit of a production line but really important to make their achievement and yours. It is the end of an era. I loved seeing them hang out together excitedly as parents from all over watched on proudly. It was lovely to meet DS' tutor at the reception after and hear what she had to say about him. And the farewells as they then headed off for the next stage in their lives.

need that is so kind.
And yolo I can indeed vouch for the lovely need who is one of the kindest and most generous people I have met. Please think about her offer.

needmoresleep that is the kindest offer and I really do thank you. I think DH would be uncomfortable with it though but it has given me an idea which I will discuss with him when he wakes up. Thank you, so much xx

Not at all. And perhaps something yoloDD and yoloDH might be uncomfortable with.

However I have been there, as have most of us. So I would be only to happy to help.

(References from Sandwich who has met me!)

Needmoresleep that brought a tear to my eye.

You are a star.

Yolo, I am around next Friday so would be honoured to invite you to use our Centeal London house as a base with visitor parking permits and Needmoresleep taxi services thrown in. Just PM me if I can help.

nota I'm going for a linen tent - cool, comfortable, hides a multitude of sins!