The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

Sounds good nora good luck tomorrow!

nora hopefully that's the start of better things. Good luck with the new job!

Things seem to have calmed since son who got the £50k said he'd call to tell his brother about the payment. We are all meeting next Saturday - I'm taking my aunt for support. I'm also going to visit a residential home to view for my mum- it's my first viewing.

It's been a lovely weekend of no mum worries and I've a new job to start tomorrow - I need to get myself in work headspace now.

Hope things are oknora no wisdom to add but sounds tough.
How is everyone? Keeping on keeping on here....
yolo how’s things? And your df dint ?
cockroach all..

Not hijacking at all Nora. The brother sounds like a CF, and I would certainly struggle to deal with his assertions.

Glad things are getting less stressy for you.

Hi All, I dont want to hijack the thread but thought I would update. I spoke to a solicitor who said best thing is to get mums permission to tell Brother Grimm1 what happened to the money and let them fight it out between themselves and if he threatens or makes any moves to register LPA on her bank account to notify the OPG because the account has clearly been in joint names in name only.
Just got the £70k to deal with now and the solicitor says to stall until I have seen evidence that the place is in her name as tenants in common and that the sale of the other place should be treated as a simple transaction with no additions of he paid for this bit of decorating etc added in to boost the return for him.

I did the calculation of how much my mum has saved them in carers fees over the years looking after their dad. £1.9 million! I will use that figure if I need to.

So stress levels are back to normal- stressed but not feeling sick to my stomach like I was on Sunday night.

Thanks for all your good advice- the solicitor did not charge for her time (half an hour on the phone) which was really good too.

They want £70k (plus £50k and a further £2900) as my mum's contribution to the home they just bought- for some reason he paid 100% of the purchase price. However- I have not had any evidence that the property is even in her name so he can sing for this until I see evidence of the ownership. She doesnt have a spare £70k sitting around but the sale of thier old property would release this kind of cash and I would be ok about paying 50% at that time.

The rest of the money is one of them forensically going through bank statements back in 2015 and has seen a transaction for £50k and £2900 to my mums accounts and wants me to account for these. In fact the 50K was paid out to the other son because he was out of work and needed to pay his mortgage and his dad wanted to do it without the other one knowing. The £2.9k is for a holiday that mum paid for in full. What gets me is how he dares to start demanding this kind of information when at that time both of the couple had full mental capacity and could do whatever they want with their money- frankly it is none of his business.
I am just about to call a solicitor who deals with elderly abuse and protection of assets.
I will add that I spoke to the more reasonable one this morning who is also horrified about what his brother is doing and says he will support me to stop this kind of interrogation. He recognises that mum has looked after their dad (he was diagnosed with epilepsy within 6 months of their marriage and has been incontent and nearly immobile for nearly 10 years) for 20 years and has nursed him, dealt with hospital admissions and chauffered him around for 20 years- I feel like drafting an invoice at £20 per hour for the 24 hour care she has provided for their dad and hitting him with that to show how little he understands about what my mother has contributed.

That sounds like a really tough situation nora, which even though it is desperately complicated now, would only be made worse if you were trying to resolve it after one of them had passed. What on earth are they demanding £70k for? I definitely agree on lawyering up though, as lines need to be straightened re their finances.

I've just trawled thro mums bank statements, one of the sums questions is £50k into my mums account in 2015, I can see that it was paid out again to his other son with a note on the statement saying CL mortgage, it's the another son who is asking about the money. I'm just going to say you need to ask your father about that payment and let them find out for themselves. I'm just glad I've bottomed that one. It still doesn't solve the immediate request for £70k.
My big worry now is that the nastier of the two sons will use his LPA to get access to my mums bank account (it's in joint names but always been hers and the DH has a similar one with another bank in joint names which it had not occurred to me to seek LPA on). These are not nice people and I feel nearly as vulnerable as my mum.

flamingnora I would have them communicate

It’s possible that the sons haven’t told their father about this request.

phew, just sit it out as long as you can nora, what a horrible situation for you

I just spoke to mum- she is horrified. Says I must see a lawyer ASAP. She wants to talk to her DH but I've said NO until I've had legal advice.

oh nora that is awful. dont respond right now, wait and take advice (and lets face it, a solicitor is not going to charge you/your mum 70k for the advice!)

I feel sick- the brothers Grimm have demanded nearly £70k from my mum (via me) and have been trawling through their dad's bank accounts questioning any payment made to my mum going back years.

I think I need a solicitor- but I'm nervous of spending her money on legal advice.

My heart is pounding and I'm on the verge of tears with these bastards demanding money.

flamingnora so sorry to hear this.

How did you get on with the husband’s children?

I don’t know how joint money is treated in law but if they have separate pots, I can’t see how or why he’d ask for her to pay his care costs. Could he, or his children pay it out of a joint account? It sounds awful but if you think there are risks here, I wonder if any joint accounts should only be funded to a minimum for bills etc.

@rosa mums capacity is limited but not yet gone completely so she relies on me to sort out these issues. She just says "I don't know- what do you think?" when I ask her what she wants to do or what she thinks is fair.

He is becoming increasingly penny pinching and odd over money issues. I suspect he's not as cash rich as my mum who was a teacher for 40 years and so has a very healthy monthly pension income- enough almost to pay for top quality residential care when required- with minimal dipping into savings for the shortfall. He was self employed so has little in pensions and relies on income from rented properties and investments, but I doubt it matches mum's monthly income- I don't think he realised this until recently and is now seething.

They jointly own another house which they are trying to sell and mum put 70% of the price in when they bought that place- he denies this but I've got the payment settlement invoice from the solicitor which clearly shows she paid 70%.

What a mess :(

@MereDintofPandiculation yes that's the conclusion that my financial adviser and I came to- perhaps the reason they won't tell me is that he has left her off the ownership - I wouldn't put it past him, he's a nasty piece of work.

I'm going to take my LPA proof to the solicitors next time I visit and if they won't give me the details of ownership (although they are both named as clients on the invoice) then I have to conclude that he's put it in his name. In which case he becomes an even meaner, nastier man than I already concluded,

They will both be self funding for care, they have way over the minimum in savings and property but thank god, apart from the property mum's bonds etc are all in her name- however I need to check to see if she has named a beneficiary as they are life assurance linked. My IFA is working on this. Second marriages are a nightmare to administer in cases like this I suspect.

nora your mum doesn't want you to have information about the ownership?

What's the situation re capacity? I'm wondering if they ought to just sort it out themselves - I mean if they have capacity, they can argue between themselves about who pays for what. Seems very unfair to involve you.

I met with my financial adviser on Friday and we were able to get a plan sorted for getting the money issue sorted but our main problem is that I don't know if the property they live in is owned as tenants in common, joint tenants or (as my aunt tells me- he has put the property in his son's name). I checked the land registry but the details are not yet there as they have only lived in the place for 6 weeks.

Part of the problem is that mum and his solicitors who did the conveyancing don't accept that my LPA gives me the authority to demand the information about the ownership- they say it's because of GDPR. I think they are just wrong.

nota shouldn’t you go on strike? DH and DD are not sounding .....realistic.

Thank you all for the support and wise words.

I have put a note on my phone to chase meds in 3 weeks - I think it's the only way to keep on top of things. Chemist delivers but as Dint says, she doesn't always hear the doorbell, takes an age getting to the door, and more often than not misses the delivery.

Found a gardener a couple of years ago, all good. Apart from the fact that he has been doing less and less when he turns up, and more often than not I have to chase him up to remind him to come. 'Find new gardener' is another thing on my to do list.

Adult DD should be helping, but really only wants to do the superficial stuff like tell me how to rearrange the furniture. Whereas what I need is someone who will clear the shed with me and take stuff to the dump.