The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

Welcome Charley it's like Hotel California here - once in, you can never leave.

Minty careful with thinking the six weeks means six weeks. After about two weeks I was strong armed (nicely) into committing to a private agency.

re the appointments, I think you can get an agency to pretty much do anything, so long as you can pay for it. The current agency pretty much only does the bare minimum. When I have asked if they could change a plaster for DM, they said no as they weren't medically trained. So worth shopping around while you can. I got a brochure from the LA and phoned around for availability for the existing agency, but saw the new one on a local FB page.

Charley that must be bloody tough. Whenever I get a bit meh about dealing with stuff as an only child I remind myself that siblings aren't always helpful and can in fact be a bloody liability.

flyingmonkey that interesting about taking people to appts. Can you get carers in to do ad hoc stuff like that?

At the moment we've got 6 weeks via the NHS...45 minutes in the morning and 30 in the evening to get him up, washed and downstairs and back to bed again.

Mum likes the guys that come in but is already desperate to not have to have them, which I think is pretty unrealistic, certainly in the morning.

My main concerns are dad's mental health and that mum doesn't overdo things herself as she has her own health issues and had a heart attack 15 months ago.

We've had a chat this morning about what can be put in place to make things easier in the long term. Issue now is actually getting mum to commit to anything!

Can I join the club that no-one wants to be in too? My mum's 90, has cognitive decline and is very frail. Sibling and I (plus carers) do everything for her. Problem is; sibling and I do not get on AT ALL.

Yolo I'll happily do the gin tent. I'm the only one who can be trusted not get alcohol poisoning. I'll also get my Thighland troops to guard the perimeter to stop entry to anyone who is carrying a list of obligations.

Minty welcome. That sounds like an awful break, your poor Dad.

Yolo is this you?

Hi Minty welcome to the club (that nobody wants to be in).

Now is the time to get as many admin type ducks in a row that you can.

Are the carers paid for? If so, does the agency provide all of the aspects of care that are needed? My DMs carers do very little other than check she has taken meds (£10 per half hour). I am looking into another agency that is more expensive but would also do things like take her to Dr appointments.

Has anyone applied for Attendance Allowance for your dad? If not, do so now. For me it means I can outsource the things that can be outsourced - eg gardening.

And then work out what your line in the sand is about how much you can do, and be realistic about what is sustainable. Being overly ambitious nearly killed me as i was exhausted. And to be frank, whatever I do is never enough as far as DM is concerned.

Hi, mind if I join?

My dad is nearly 81 and fell down the stairs at the beginning of the year, breaking his back in 4 places. No spinal cord damage and he's now been home a couple of weeks but not in a good way.

Mum's a year younger and they have a carer in twice a day. I work f/t and we have no other family support so it's all a bit of a nightmare trying to cope with the current situation and make plans/decisions about how to move forward.

I’ll do the cake stall( eating not baking) always been better at procurement rather than manufacturing......🧁🧁🍰🍰🍩🍩

yolo that confused me for a minute, because the only frame of reference I have for that is a Peter Gabriel song!

oh well, that's removed the Cabaret earworm

yes of course grace with a bloody fine Jeux Sans Frontieres approachy there!

Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome.....

may I be the Mistress of Ceremonies at the fete? Even though I can't find the accent key for fete....!

👋 wishing you all strenght 🍸

apollo that sounds lovely about the staff member - good opportunity for a chat, enjoy your with DH, and remember, as someone very wise on here once said: it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Right, plans for the Tethers End fete anyone? I seem to remember thigh volunteered to run the gin tent, on account that she wouldn't drink it, I've booked the Octogenarian Death Slide (teenagers employed to police those of us tempted to join), Silent Gigolo on the bill already. I'm crap at baking, but happy to run the hoopla?

Thanks thigh 😉 how are things in rl? It’s justgood to see you! Vent if it helps.
apollo, what you have said sounds good- great advice from forty the staff are what make a care home, and them having time t9 spend with people..... I think the suggestion on another thread was about taking pics of things like glasses etc that can vanish was a good one. Talk to the staff and they can help protect you.
yolo so good to hear the end of this phase is in sight and dh is in better spirits. Really crap about the solicitor - just what you could do without.
cockroach and 🍷🍷🌺🌺🍫🍫🥃🥃 all.

Thank you Fortysix

He is settled in now and seems happy. He is still very articulate and present so can speak up for himself fine. The staff were all utterly lovely and made him feel very welcome. One of them plans to sit in with him later to stick the labels on his clothes and get to know him better.

DH looks done in so i have poured him a large glass of wine and we will sit down later and maybe have time to chat about how things might be, going on from here.

thigh good to see you

all round.

thigh we are at the final stand! Last treatment is on Monday, feel very relieved that we have got this far without major incident - the side effects described and action we must take were quite frightening, but can only think that if we've got this far then they are unlikely to appear now... the treatment is cumulative, but hoping that by about a week on Monday he will be starting to feel better physically. He's definitely feeling better mentally now that we are so close to the end. So the next stage is stop chemo/radio after Monday, then wait til end of April for MRI scan, then there will be surgery some time after that (colostomy I suspect, hopefully reversible). So a bit more limbo, but if he feels better then it's worth it. At the moment he is completely exhausted, shitting through the eye of a needle (but much better than not, which would be medical emergency) and in quite a bit of pain, they say due to the inflammation of the bowel, pressure on nerves etc. So fingers xd.

Discovered today that solicitor handling mum's probate has been on annual leave for a fortnight, meaning that form has not been sent off to HMRC as no one could do it in his absence. Man's a weasel, think this his 3rd holiday since this began? I mean, I know he's entitled to hols and all, but we have to chase at every single stage...

Yolo i was glad to read that your DH has started his treatment, is he half way through now?

sandwich come along anytime, it's just a silly game for when RL is too terrible. Grace and Danish have been to visit Thighland and survived

Apollo. Just hold your nerve and lay down your own ground rules and stick to them. If you feel visiting twice a week for 30 mins works for you then go with that but don’t undermine yourself with too many additional unscheduled visits at the beginning. In fairness to FIL it will be a massive change and possibly a little frightening. Try to learn names of the staff as quickly as you can. Give the staff as much help as possible with written details of what he likes and dislikes. They may get you to fill out a booklet. Personally I would go even further and add little quirky facts and things they can talk to him about in extra sheets. When he’s getting his personal care done if they know he likes dogs or stamp collecting or warships or coastal walks they can break the silence with chat. These additional sheets can be sent in every week for the first month as they can be time consuming to prepare but they really do speed up settling in period. He is joining their family. It’s a readjustment for all.

thigh we need a bit of thighland for the fete!!!( much too scared to post on your thread!!!)

Room for one more?