The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

More hugs yolo🌺🌺🌺
I would really really recommend cleaners for you all if you can do it!
No longer working so can’t justify it at the mo but it was a godsend. When the world is going t#£&. Just to come home to a clean orderly house with ironing done was soooooo soothing. It felt like one part of life was under control........ dump the guilt! It buys time.
And I did tidy a bit so she could get on with stuff- say what your priorities are. Best investment in mental health ever!

I don’t drink much, very rarely, but actually debating having a little one as I’m so irritable today

yolo ah I see, I hear about people refusing hearing aids.

I really want to increase patience! I think I might be peri menopausal but then again, not sure, maybe mum just makes irritable sometimes.

nota yes moving is a lot of work.

I’ve booked a cleaner for next week! It won’t be weekly but I think maybe I should get someone in as and when. I’ve never had a cleaner before. Presume I tidy well before they come along?

Rosa, yes it probably is the carers job to do that, I think my issue is that DB never gets these messages sent to him... and TBH I use up so much of my leave on Dr and hospital appointments for her that ear wax is a non essential issue (and one that she can deal with herself by putting in drops, which the carers won't do...)

I am still planning to move. Need to sort our house to get it on the market, but as I work full time, am struggling with the amount that needs doing vs time.

thank you for all the good wishes, it's a funny old day... but I have wine and am having a pizza for lunch and pootling around tinternet. Quite calm at the mo.

needmore we'll burn it! (open fire)

Very best wishes for you and your husband, Yolo.

Can you have something made from the willow wood?

My poor willow tree has some really serious splits in it, tree guy came round last week and condemned it - at least, down to about 8-10'. It should sprout again but I will really miss it.

DM had every kind of hearing aid under the sun, including BAHA implants (which coincidentally a friend of mine pioneered) but nothing worked particularly well even though she spent a fortune. One to one convo, looking directly at her, was ok-ish, but chuck even one extra person into the mix and it was a nightmare. Deafness is terribly isolating, and I did feel sorry for her, but repeating a joke til its no longer funny is very wearing. (bad yolofish).

monkey I suppose it's the carers' duty to do that?

What a pain it all is. Is it you that's moving away or have I got you confused with someone else? Just thinking what distance/care will be like for your mum, will it make things easier for you?

Fingers crossed for your DH today Yolo. Hope you are ok as well.

DM gets waxy ears that she can treat with drops, but doesn't. So is deaf, has TV up loud etc. Carers keep leaving me messages about it. Don't really know what they expect me to do, but it is way down on my list of priorities.

I have also been thinking this week about getting a cleaner. I work full time and my weekends are always filled with chores like housework. I'm tempted but have always resisted for slightly mad ideological reasons.

yolo why is the willow tree dangerous?

I'm not even working today but doing a bunch of domestics and some finance for mum.

yes, I need to rethink how I do some of my own stuff I think. I used to find ironing bed linen therapeutic. Now I think, who WAS that woman?!

did your mum refuse a hearing aid or was it a case where it wouldn't work? My dad had one that he wore around the house, and if he was going out, he wore an aid in both ears. One ear was much less affected but he used to get embarrassed asking people to repeat themselves in the pub, for example.

I find it hard work to listen in a pub with fine hearing!

do it rosa its one less crap job for you to even think about.

I got less tolerant I think, mum used to drive me mad, particularly with how deaf she was, which I know wasnt her fault, but it was just so difficult to have a conversation.

DH went into surgery at 9, wont be done til about 5.30. It's going to be a long old day, both DDs are working. I'm going to the garden centre once I've dropped DD1 off then home while some men cut down my beautiful but dangerous willow tree.

Mere I think politicians don't care about it and just think it's the job of adult children to do it.

Good to hear you got more tolerant. I am feeling less tolerant, but this does depend on a lot of things.

This morning I was wondering about getting a cleaner for me! I only work part time but I wast thinking it might save another boring job because dealing with an oldie feels like a constant list of boring and unfulfilling jobs. That sounds awful doesn't it.

then again, in a small flat, it's mad really.

yolo hope it all goes well today.

re the food - tbh I'm not bothered about how much or how little mum eats. Her friends are on at us all the time though, about how underweight she is.

my sister was walking over there, someone tooted their horn at her, and it was a neighbour stopping to ask if mum is eating properly.

I'm quite tired of it. I realise these people mean well but what are we meant to do about it! Sorry, I'm repeating myself but is it evil that I am not bothered?

mum has herself pointed out that her sister - in another country - apparently lost a shit ton of weight in her early 70s and apparently family over there were fuss galore as well. Like mum, all medical tests done, nothing wrong.

my dad actually decided to be skinny in his early 70s because for various reasons, his exercise was extremely limited. No breakfast, a small salad with a bit of protein for lunch, a small size of mixed stuff for dinner.

I honestly wonder if no one commented on that partly because he was a man? Also he was younger so seemed less fragile? And wasn't a widower?

sometimes I think it's partly the world making me feel I am responsible for my mum. It gets on my nerves.

yolo the biggest of hugs and every good wish for you and dh today.🌺🌺🌺🌺

Evening all - or should that be morning? DH surgery tomorrow, we leave at 6.30am and I suspect I wont be sleeping much if at all tonight... luckily had a nap on the sofa before picking DD1 up from work at 10.45 but now I am wide awake!

Re food, my mum was like a little bird for the last couple of years of her life, she couldnt eat a proper meal if she tried. Lots and lots of little snacks seemed to keep her going, and if we had a roast at home (and she hadnt been here) I would take her round a very small plate - literally a sliver of meat, a couple of carrots, one potato etc which she liked as a treat. When I was cooking for her at her house, it would be one egg scrambled, and one piece of toast - all she could manage.

Social care - people died earlier, fewer women were working/had their own children younger, so perhaps less of the (shit) sandwich generation?

Mere thanks. Mum will only have new, which is fine, it's her money.

re food, yes, sorry, I posted half a statement there! Seeing her appetite when out made me think that she could enjoy her food a lot more but she's still sticking to very rigid rules that kept her slim in her 40s.

your description of the food your dad is getting made me think that if someone was putting that food in front of her, she'd really enjoy it.

yes to the fact that we used to die quite fast after heart things were diagnosed. I suppose when there were fewer 80+ folk needing care, social care would have been a lot better?

Mere something else struck me about food

my mum is underweight. She eats mostly very healthy food and has controlled portions all her life.

when we eat out, she eats much more and really enjoys it. I think she thinks she still must eat healthily at 80. I'm not criticising it, just thinking if I got to 80 I would want to eat whatever the hell I liked!

Mere I hear you. I am actually hoping mum will change her mind tbh. With a stairlift or potential to sleep downstairs, I can't see why she shouldn't stay really.

also there's the faff of moving. Stupid example - I need to buy a new bed, my ancient one is ancient. Just getting it delivered and the old one removed is a bigger faff than I imagined - side note, if anyone has any companies to recommend, who don't expect me to bag up the mattress and dismantle the bed frame myself, that would be good!

so yes, would be very hard for mum to actually move. I think she hasn't factored that in. She's not planning on deciding anything till spring. I know the fact that the house is cold is a problem for her but she also can't face getting work done to improve insulation.

sandwich waving hello to you

Mere I'm glad your dad is doing well

re the moving - mum could have a stairlift. If worst came to worst we could arrange bedroom downstairs, there is a loo, but not a full bathroom.

so it's one of those things that makes her dither. It's impossible to tell what will happen. She was absolutely knackered yesterday - we had to go to some stuff in really shit weather for her - but today she is fine, she's done lots of cooking etc.

I agree it's better to move before the crisis but there's always the question of - what if the crisis never happens and you've moved for no reason?

Her best mate is 83 and still in her house. That lady has actually had a minor procedure in hospital today and is okay, though someone is staying the night with her tonight. Mum is taking food tomorrow and I'm half expecting a text from the best mate saying "Of course I don't need anything, do you think I'm an old woman or something". She says that to me a lot