The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

yolo oh dear.

Cherry you are a gem, thank you. also.

I did look but I must have been using the wrong search terms somehow.

@RosaWaiting There's a table of the best phone and postal accounts on thisismoney.co.uk
www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/saving/article-1604879/Best-savings-rates-Telephone-postal-phone-accounts.html

I think it's fair to say that DH has upped his knob quotient quite considerably. I understand why - huge life change, plus he still has a drain in one arse cheek the size of a bic biro which is incredibly uncomfortable - but OMG. I am biting my lip very hard, trying to keep the peace, walk away if necessary, but he gets so angry about the smallest things.

Makes DM seem like a walk in the park - at least I could just come home if it got unbearable!

Depression - agree with dint, accept it, it will pass, and dont beat yourself up.

going to post this here as I have a feeling it will get more answers than the finance section

does anyone know of any decent interest rates on postal accounts? Mum won't invest online. She has Kent, Leeds, Virgin, Yorkshire and now needs another one! Thanks.

Mere you're probably right, I don't know why I look for another explanation when I already have one!!

sandwich sorry, I was just waffling on there

No, I mean I was thinking it really does make a big difference to her having more visits. There isn’t anyone else who can brighten her up as much as me or sis. So although it can feel like a chore, I’ve got to remember that really.

I have depression and anxiety, and sometimes I’m terrible at projecting eg I decide that something at work is making me down, or mum is making me down, when actually nothing is to blame in that way. This week I thought I needed a break so haven’t seen mum all week but actually it hasn’t been good for either of us!

flaming glad your dm is improving.
rosa - get what you are saying, but can it be other than you? Can other people visit so you can choose and set boundaries? How much are you prepared to do?
And yolo how are things?
cockroaches to everyone, dint , monica and all.

Flaming glad that she is better. Hope she can go and enjoy some shopping!

I mentioned earlier about mum having low blood pressure periodically. This week she didn't have much to do and I missed my midweek visit for reasons I won't bore you all with.

my sister was there for dinner last night. The change in talking to mum this morning was massive. I wonder how much of this is psychological.

I had been quite casual about leaving a week between visits but I won't be so ready to do it again. I have a feeling it makes a massive difference to her. It depends partly what her friends are up to but two of her friends were poorly this week so things got cancelled.

We got to the bottom of why mum is so confused (on top of her memory loss)- she's had a UTI for over a week. You'd think the paramedics who attended for two hours last week might of got her to piss in a pot, or the carers who go in daily for her husband and her might have thought to suggest it- but no, I had to phone to get a dr to call round and after one dose of antibiotics she is loads better- she was suicidal yesterday. I was seeking residential care- today she is planning shopping.

yolo glad DH is home, he must be relieved to have some privacy again!

Thanks for your honesty re your DM. I find it helps when people are honest about this sort of thing.

nora good luck with getting the sons to step up, I hope they will but I wouldnt rely on it!

DH came home tonight. Filthy temper, but he is exhausted... hope he will wake up feeling better tomorrow. No idea yet whether they got all the tumour out, but they are already talking about more chemo - hope to god it will be tablets as before, rather than 45 mins drive to hospital, 4-5 hour infusion and then 45 mins home again.

It's a different situation than dealing with an oldie somehow...

cockroach to one and all still coping with oldies. I still cant be sorry that DM died, she had wanted to for a good old time.

I think the carers will sort out med security. We don't have a key safe yet, that needs to be sorted out, I'm hoping her husband's sons will do that bit. They've done nothing for the last 20 years that my mum has nursed him so they can step up now.

Yes, we only learnt of the health visitor for the elderly’s existence quite recently (and of course I don’t know whether other areas have the same set-up). She’s been great at putting my mother in touch with other services, arranging delivery of equipment and so on. Wish we’d encountered her years ago!

Hi Nora
Hi to everyone in fact

There are health visitors for the elderly? I will look into this.

Mum is having a bad time with low blood pressure- not the first time but doctors never seem to care about it. It’s a shame because she feels totally wiped out when it happens. It normally goes in a few days.

Thanks for the warm welcome. I really appreciate it.

Glad you found us nora great advice from monica.
Your role should be to facilitate and get resources in place, not take on stuff. Rant away here- loads of experience.
yolohows things?
Hope everyone else is doing as well as possible.

Hello, Nora, and welcome.

You mention his carers, but is there any help or support being provided for your mother? It sounds like she has care needs of her own, while also acting as a carer. Our local branch of Age UK were really helpful in identifying potential sources of help for my mother (although at that stage she didn't want to accept it) and more recently the health visitor for the elderly has also been helpful. One of the pithy sayings on this thread is that you can't pour from an empty jug, so it's important to preserve your own wellbeing by not taking on roles that others could perform (and even more so if your mother is a difficult woman or not easy to be around).

Hello everyone I am new here...
Mum is 80 and showing signs of severe short term memory loss and confusion. She has a dementia assessment next friday. I am an only child- there is no-one to go with her so I have had to cancel my holiday booked to leave next friday to go with her.

Every day brings a crisis. Today she tried to give her husband his meds and gave him double... (he has epilepsy and multiple other problems, just out of hospital and the NHS carers noticed that tomorrows meds were gone from the dosset box- luckily he had not taken them). She is not supposed to give him any meds but she forgets and tries to take over- she has been looking after him for 20 years. (He is not my father and we have never got on). She is struggling to shop properly and his carers are worried that she is getting worse by the day.

I live an hour away on my own and I have to work to keep my home going. She cannot live with me, I have loads of stairs (think tall town house) and frankly I don't like her- she was horrid to me as a child. But I know I have to rise above my dislike and step up- but it cannot include her living with me.
I need to sort out carers etc jointly with his sons but I feel like they want to push the burden onto me because I am a woman and my mum has done all the caring until now. So I am fighting them dumping me with all the "running of the home" stuff because that is what mum did until recently. What a bloody mess.

Thank you, you're both very kind.

I'm glad that things are looking a bit more promising for yolofish's DH's discharge from hospital.

yolo that sounds better news.
monica lovely to see you! Do listen to yolo get extra help in, and look after yourself.
🌺🌺🍷🍷

monica and etc for the burn out - can you get some time out/more help?

DH much better today, and they were talking about discharge tomorrow but seems more like Thurs now (mostly because his glasses are broken and keep falling off while changing his bag!! ).

I'm ok with Thursday, enough time before the w/e to kick ass if rqd.

I'm not often here these days because I too feel burnt out, but I wanted to say I'm thinking of you all and specially yolofish and her DH. Cockroach, tout le monde!