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Elderly parents
Original poster

Such a fucking mess!

56 replies

IrianOfW · 12/03/2019 12:02

Dad is in hospital at the moment. He went into have bladder stones removed. He has Parkinsons and is almost entirely deaf. He's 87. He's now been in there for 11 days, has some sort of infection that they can't diagnose, had a fall (not the nurses's fault at all). My brother stayed with my mum for 6 days when he went into hospital expecting dad to come out after 3 days as was expected. DBro had to go home. Meanwhile my mum had a fall and has hurt her very arthritic hip to the extent that she is finding getting about is difficult. When she visits dad she had to park at the other end of the site and walk which is almost impossible for her. I have been in to see dad many times since he had been in, with and without mum.

I arranged for someone to come and discuss care for my dad at home when he is released. Apparently money isn't an option according to my dad but I am not sure if he realises how much it will cost. And of course now my mum is more or less hors de combat.

I have a full-time job, a depressed DH, a 22 year old son suffering from GAD and a 16 year old on the autistic spectrum approaching his GCSEs.

i don't know what to do or where to turn.

Help!

OP posts:
Grace212 · 12/03/2019 12:23

hi OP

sorry to hear you are having such a hard time

re money not being an issue, do you have access to bank accounts to be sure how correct they are about that? hopefully it is correct.

also, is there a downstairs bathroom - even just loo and sink - that they can use? I spoke with a couple of agencies who said they wouldn't do stairs with the person due to the risk. Just a couple mind - others were fine - but just flagging it up as a question to ask.

marmiteloversunite · 12/03/2019 12:22

You need to talk to the ward team who sort out the patients going home. Ask them to refer you to a social worker so you can discuss the issues and needs at home. You will need to push for continuing care as nursing homes are so expensive!!

HollowTalk · 12/03/2019 12:12

Have your husband and son seen their doctor? Are they taking medication?

HollowTalk · 12/03/2019 12:11

What a horrible situation. I was in a similar situation with both parents ill at the same time and it was awful.

Things that helped - your mum should get a taxi to the hospital door. That means no parking (I'm a bit worried she's driving still.)

Get a cleaner in - my parents were very reluctant to do that, even though they could afford to do it. They went to church every week and there was a woman in the congregation there who was a cleaner - they knew they could trust her and we told them she needed the money, so they were happy to do it "for the time being." They got used to that very quickly!

Apply for Attendance Allowance for both parents and use it to pay for cleaner/gardener/other help.

I don't know about having carers in - others will help you with this - but be prepared to have others doing what you feel you should do for them. You can't afford to go under now.

Flowers
Original poster
IrianOfW · 12/03/2019 12:09

Thanks bookworm. I am in England. Who is 'they'? Is that arranged by the hospital?

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 12/03/2019 12:05

Obviously I don't know your area, here in Scotland in a case like this they will assess the safety of the home and the persons ability to care for themselves and put adjustments to the home in place and a care package for their return home, all of this is free, if you're English Im not sure if the same applies.