Such a fucking mess!

I'm a stuck record on this subject but my advice before you let your Dad within sniffing distance of a care home, respite or other, is to get LPA in Health and Welfare. Download the form off the website, get the signatures (in the right order) and pay the £100 or so fee. Do it now, it takes weeks to process but failure to do so and Social Services can assume legal control of his care.

Yes, supposedly only when he's lost mental capacity, but that can be a nebulous area, and it works to the Council's advantage to misdiagnose any urinary tract infection as dementia. If he deterioates in a care home due to poor care, that's their chance - never imagine the Council will say 'Oh, you're right, he'd be better off at home!' They will instead act according to his 'best interests' - which translates as doing whatever the hell they want.

If he's got loads of cash, so much the better! They can keep him in any care home, respite be damned, as long as they want to keep him forking out £1.5K a week, week in week out. They can overule you in that situation - you don't have LPA, remember? He didn't grant it to you, presumably because you are a nasty, feckless daughter. Yes, I know you don't think that but how can you prove otherwise?

And research care homes anyway best you can - the CQC is corrupt, so don't expect much from them, they often sit on damning care home reviews for eight months while the body count mounts up. Try word of mouth but if your dad needs nursing care, the options will be more limited.
As he has Parkinson's, watch out for anyone placing him on covert end-of-life care though this is unlikely if he can still talk and engage conversationally. That said, some NHS CCGs have been known to jump the gun.

Have messaged you with a recommendation for slightly better value private carers if that helps

Sorry, just to clarify a point in my post above - I meant that long term care involves a financial assessment. Re-ablement care doesn't and there's no charge. You just get it if needed. It's definitely what you need for starters OP.

In England the discharge team have to assess their needs to allow them to go home. If he's in need of continuing care for medical reasons they should assess him (ask for an assessment for nhs continuing care) and the care will be supplied free of charge if he qualifies but you can choose a care company from the approved list or ask for a personal budget and hire your own (I've done this so pm me for advice if needed). It all comes down to points on a needs analysis so ensure pride doesn't get in the way!

Hi OP, the six week package that shining star2 refers to above is called re-ablement care, or was in my part of England - I got this for my mum a few years ago on her discharge from hospital and it is free to everyone, in a way that long term care isn't and involves a financial assessment. So ask for this tonight - say that your dad will need this to be discharged as there is no one at home who can look after him. He will need to be assigned a social worker but it's the hospital you need to press on this - it's in their interests to make sure they can discharge patients, but safely - it's no good for anyone if the patient 'bounces back' and is readmitted. I was in a similar position in that my dad was there but not up to caring for my mum to the extent she needed, I worked FT and had DC to look after and lived too far away - but you have to make this clear to the authorities. My mum also spent a few weeks in a nursing home between hospital and going home - ask for this too as it's a good bridging option, and again if the hospital decide on it you don't get charged.

Do not agree to him being discharged until he has been assessed. That will focus their attention.

Hello OP. Sending you loads of sympathy. I know from experience what a nightmare all this is when you are dealing with kids and work too. I don't really have better advice to offer than what's already been said except please don't wait to sort out POA. I'd say the same to anyone else on here even if their parents are fit and healthy. Get it in place as soon as you can.

Irian,

Ask for a meeting with the hospital - get them to agree to meet in a formal setting. They should be speaking to social services - you need to be very firm that there is no one who can care for your dad in his home and that he will not be safe there.

If you feel like you are not getting anywhere speak to PALS. Every hospital has a PALS department for complaints - you are usually taken much more seriously if you have to go down this route.

Ask the ward sister when they are planning to discharge him, have they organised a full care needs assessment to see what he is able to do and what help he will need. There will be a discharge key worker attached to the ward who have meetings with nurses and therapists to plan discharge arrangements. He should have a careplan drawn up and possibly a chc assessment. They will fob you off and say he doesnt qualify for any funding towards his care but emphasise to them he needs the assessment anyway, everyone is entitled to it and its free. Explain that mum has had a fall and also needs help, has she been checked for any injuries by a doctor? Social services may get involved in finding care and might carry out a financial assessment, either way apply for attendance and carers allowance, you can do this online. If they both want to be at home it would be worth asking the therapists to visit the house to se what equipment or adaptations might be needed. Once he is medically stable to ,leave hospital he may be able to transfer to a community bed or have reablement at home for 6 weeks while he gets his strength back. You could also ask for the parkinsons nurse to come and see him to see if she has any suggestions that would help. If everyone feels he would be safer in a home then he will need the assessment to say if he would be ok in a residential home without trained nurses or a nursing home with nurses 24hrs a day, theres a big difference in price. Does dad have the mental capacity to make decisions about where he lives, how he spends his money and do you have power of attorney.

There is usually a free care package for up to the first six weeks when the frail elderly leave hospital. A care comes in up to four times a day to help with dressing/undressing ext. They will dress wounds, see that medication is taken and often prepare a light breakfast or sandwich lunch.
This gives a breathing space while you consider your options. My MIL aged 90 had an alarm service where she wore something around her neck which she could press if she had a fall. There was a box with a key on the outside of the house. A carer would come to assist then phone family. She had a couple of falls at night and without this she would have been alone on the floor all night as she couldn't reach the phone. The carer phoned an ambulance and us and we went with her to hospital. This has a monthly charge but it wasn't very expensive.

You may not need 24 hour care ...especially if no nursing care is involved. A friend's mother has someone coming in 4 hours 9- 1 monday to friday. She helps with dressing/showering. Does light house work on alternative days. She makes a lunch and leaves a sandwich/cake type tea ready. She is flexible and will get shopping in instead of housework or take friend's mother to doctor's/hospital appointments. She charges £10 per hour. The family do a bit between them at weekends to keep costs down. If your parents, one or both, could get Attendance allowance, it would help with an arrangement like this. Good luck op.

Hi OP we had a similar situation with my grandparents a few years ago. So sorry you're going through this, it's hard work isn't it?

Given your Dads age, before he is sent home, the hospital should be talking to adult social services and arranging for a care plan to be put in place. We found the AgeUK website very helpful so that's worth a look.

Respite care in a private home is a good thing to consider as well when he is discharged. It just gives you some extra breathing space. Of course it comes at a cost, but we have used a few over the last year for both DM and her husband, and they are fantastic. Her husband tends to be discharged from hospital and then get infections, by going to respite, he seems to avoid them, I think he doesn't keep himself clean enough at home, which is sad.

He is now in a permanent care home, where DM visits and stays every few weeks, and she has a 24hr carer staying with her. She also has a cleaner and gardener. Because they are wealthy they get no help, but the money will be gone in two years, and then what?

Sorry, thread moved in while I was reading.

What is their mobility like? Will full time care be necessary?

def have a chat with your dad, I can see how he might know how much he's got in the bank, but might not know how much the care costs per hour.

Hospital - there should be a Discharge Team and an Occupational Therapist. The latter will check how your dad is doing with mobility and then assist/advise.

Do you have any other siblings who can help?

Talk to adult services at their local authority, they can help with attendance allowance, some are not means tested, they can assess the home, and sort out carers if needed. Good luck.

@irianofW
Sorry, Social Servuces and Reach team assess

Age concern do a discharge from hospital help service, just to assess changes that might need to be made.