Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

986 replies

thesandwich · 31/12/2018 19:37

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 17/02/2019 17:56

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

another vote for considering what care you need, fo yourself xx

Grace212 · 17/02/2019 17:42

Jace big hugs from me

what news re your mum, do you know how long she will be in?

notaflyingmonkey · 17/02/2019 16:58

Jace big virtual hug from me.

You know that you are doing too much, don't you? It wouldn't be the end of the world if you skipped the nursing home visit and went home to sit with your cat.

Sitting in the car and crying is usually the sign that I know I need to pull back before I get ill.

Iamdanish · 17/02/2019 16:23

Oh Jace, supportive hugs from me 👐
It is so hard isn't it. Hurry home to breathing excersises, lovely cat and gin. Perhaps you should rename your cat Ginny, then no one will judge your intake of gin, thinking you are hurrying home to dcat 😀.
Best of luck tomorrow.

JaceLancs · 17/02/2019 16:14

I had a melt down on Friday afternoon at the hearing aid clinic - trying to sort out DF new hearing aids which nursing home had lost
I cried all over the receptionist and the audiologist!!
It was a huge faff and it was just my tipping point
Then had to pull myself together to visit DF and then on to hospital to visit DM
DB did Saturday to give me day off
Hospital rang this morning and frightened me - but they just wanted me to accompany DM to scan and sign paperwork - re arranged my plans to do so - ended up being cancelled - so now I’ve got to take the day off work tomorrow
Just off to see DF now in his nursing home
DS is away for a few days - DD is away too with her DP
So no real life hugs - virtual ones welcome
I’m sat in hospital car park crying again and trying to gather myself together to drive to DF - it’s only 20 minutes on motorway but I need to be safer than I feel right now

RoseMartha · 15/02/2019 11:11

@thesandwich thank you

Grace212 · 15/02/2019 10:30

Jace hope you're okay and you got some sleep.

morning to all, hopefully we will all have a better day!

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 22:33

Gin n cat
Cat n gin

The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents
JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 22:18

DM upset that DF won’t get his valentine card today now - we’ve promised to deliver it to nursing home tomorrow
At 79 and 93 married for 59 years it brought a bitter sweet tear to my eye despite the shit situation over the last few days

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 22:16

Just got back from hospital DS had cooked for me and poured me a very large gin
I’m taking a bit of work to bed with me - will try and get an early start too as want to try and finish early to go and sort out DF hearing aids and visit him
DB turned up at hospital in time to take over with DM and has said he’ll cover her tomorrow eve if I cover DF

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 22:13

Our local age concern will fill in attendance allowance - some housing associations eg for sheltered accommodation will do as will citizens advice or local council welfare rights departments
I’ve also found my local DWP visiting team incredibly helpful
They recently visited DF in his nursing home - included DM in the meeting with myself and did a benefits check, set up LPOA, and appointeeship and reinstated DF attendance allowance without needing forms - gave me a list of contact details n info on pension credit etc

Original poster
thesandwich · 14/02/2019 20:52

🌺🌺🍷🍷jace
rose age uk or the carers association have expertsin this- there is an art to using the right language.
Also, phone and order hard copy forms which will be date stamped and his claim will be backdated to that date. A tip from another mnetter.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 14/02/2019 20:34

Croydon sent someone round to help my Dad fill it in. I got the impression it's something they have to do.

RoseMartha · 14/02/2019 20:21

Are there any threads on filling in attendance allowance form. Or anywhere i can find advice

Grace212 · 14/02/2019 19:36

Jace, I hear you on the "something has to give", you do need to just be kind to yourself

hope your DM is all right tonight

I take it admission hasn't actually been done? If it has, then I'd head home and let your DB come later, but guessing it hasn't been done or there would be visiting hours to factor in?

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 19:17

Finally spoke to someone - admitting DM for IV antibiotics and more in depth CT and MRI scans tomorrow - said could be sinister but might not be - also checking pancreas and gallbladder
No bed as yet
Waiting for tag team DB so I can go n get some work done to make up for hours lost today
No point in visiting DF now he’s always tucked up in bed on feeding tube from 7
DD visited him for me 5-6 and reassured him re DM - it’s hard to tell his level of cognition so will judge how much I tell him when I visit tomorrow
Might try n get DS to cook for me later whilst I get stuck into the gin (again) it’s crap for my SW diet but something has to give

notaflyingmonkey · 14/02/2019 19:09

Thinking of you jace we've all been there. Cockroach

yolofish · 14/02/2019 19:04

oh jace huge hugs to you

picklemepopcorn · 14/02/2019 18:53

Hello again!

I'm tagging @supermariossister as she's having a bit of trouble!

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 18:31

No idea - what they are planning - no bed yet, no scan results, not seen a nurse or Dr
DM is getting very tired and cranky which is exacerbating her dementia
If she asks me one more time why she is here I will scream..............

Original poster
thesandwich · 14/02/2019 17:58

jace so sorry, sending hugs and a virtual cat to stroke.
Thinking of all and your challenges.🌺🌺

OP posts:
Grace212 · 14/02/2019 17:55

Jace, I'm sorry to hear this
is a blood transfusion likely then?

sending hugs to you

and to all in fact.

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 17:14

Today brought no improvements
DM worsened and GP got bloods back and rang ambulance
I’m currently sat on medical assessment unit waiting with her to see a Dr
Work is a nightmare as got an urgent deadline
DP just rang v down as out of work and just heard he didn’t get either job from 2 very promising interviews
I really really can’t do this anymore

FinallyHere · 14/02/2019 13:38

Oh dear Jace thinking of you.

JaceLancs · 14/02/2019 13:19

Bless

The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents