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Elderly parents
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The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

986 replies

thesandwich · 31/12/2018 19:37

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 01/01/2019 00:21

Grace212 whining allowed here of all places
Hope things improve xx

Grace212 · 31/12/2018 23:51

waves at thigh

I had a really lovely 2018 till dad got sick.

I am going to have to go out for my usual NYE next time rather than just keep mum company, it's an annoyingly depressing night.

sorry, my whining is so shallow compared to what the rest of you are enduring...I'll shut up now!

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/12/2018 23:35

Happy New Year everybody, my fellow strugglers.

Goodbye 2018 - it's been shit!

JaceLancs · 31/12/2018 23:28

You are a star Dint - thank you for adding my update post
Happy new year everyone
Xxxxx

MereDintofPandiculation · 31/12/2018 22:35

From JaceLancs

I don’t have any money but at £30 a week per head for hospital parking charges a £50 s week top up between 3 of us sounds better - gawd knows how DM will manage without his pension or attendance allowance - will explore options in January for her
If I did the lottery I would cross my fingers but have never been a gambler

Cockroaches to one and all

MereDintofPandiculation · 31/12/2018 22:35

From JaceLancs

My day just got weirder
Around 3 rang ward still no sign of stroke consultant so assumed no advice re meds no discharge
At 4 nursing home rang me to say that they had had a call to say DF was being returned to them - good - but........
Discharge to assess pathway funding about to finish so they’d rung CHC assessment team who’d said tough not their problem (in a nutshell) so being discharged but nowhere to go - fab just what you need at 4 ish on NYE
I had to agree to pay LA top up and anything owing after financial assessment commenced before they would agree to let him return! DB is away till end of week so I just said whatever - totally held to ransom and will have to pay for it later
Am so angry but relieved he is out of hospital
It’s bought us a bit of time to make long term decisions but talk about caught between a rock and a hard place
At least I know DF is safe and DM is happy - will deal with shit SW on 2nd and formal complaint and all the aftermath then too
Right now I’m a G n T down, a very large margarita, couple of glasses of Prosecco and am eying up the Glengoyne in time for midnight

JaceLancs · 31/12/2018 22:29

Just posted long update on old thread but can’t cut n paste it
Life is shit sometimes
Cockroaches to everyone

MereDintofPandiculation · 31/12/2018 22:00

For those who were following my wails on the previous thread ... DF has pneumonia. Since he refused to take his cough to a GP, it's a very good job he hit himself on the head with a suitcase and landed in hospital.

So here's hoping his increased confusion is the pneumonia, which is curable.

Grace212 · 31/12/2018 21:53

danish A lot of people are relieved when a parent passes. it's a totally taboo thing to say so of course we aren't likely to hear it outside an anonymous discussion board.

I am at mum's for 3 nights and finding it very hard work. She has said herself that she thinks I am probably feeling the strain of spending so much time here, but it's partly because no one else is around at this time of year. I really hope her friends come round next week!

Iamdanish · 31/12/2018 21:34

Nota
So sorry. I ended up on ads after the same feelings and thoughts, see your gp.

To everybody who can relate to these feelings: I know it sounds harch, but it do get better. I felt soo relieved when my ddad died, almost did not have room to feel guilty about it. But it has taken me more than a year to process the last years of his life. Hence why I follow your tread.

My biggest regret is that I didn't step more back earlier, if that makes sense. I was always the practical one 😢 and thought I was sort of coping, including kids with problems too. I have cursed being in the middle of the sandwich.

Please step back before depression and guilt overwhelms you. Our kids have a future and should be our main concern.
I know this is very outspoken but it is so hard surviving being in the middle of that sandwich.

Best wishes for the new year.

bellinisurge · 31/12/2018 19:50

I recently visited my only surviving auntie - my late Mum's younger sister and was struck by the enforced cheeriness that my cousins (auntie's kids) were all showing.
Afterwards, when I mentioned it to my dh, he said "Yeah, that's how you were, I could tell how exhausting it was".
What a great thread this is.