The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

Foxy i am so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry, foxy.

Cockroach, one and all!

Oh foxy I feel for you. Hope you and your dad bring comfort to each other.

Take care foxy

Foxy, I'm so sorry

Thank you mum passed away peacefully no more suffering thank you to everyone's kind words just need to break it to my dad in the care home ,hugs to all

foxy it's all a bit streaming pile of excrement isn't it? We've gone from planning for dm to come home this week to who knows what. Pneumonia has floored her and all we can do is take whatever each day comes and add it into the mix. Hope for the best but prepare yourself - last bit easier said than done I know. We are keeping busy in the hope that discharge remains an option and I'm doing emotional triage dealing with bits at a time. My thoughts are with you x

ah foxy it's so hard. But in one way, at least you can be there and say everything you want to say, tell her little memories from your childhood and so on. much strength to you.

We are here for you foxy with hands to hold, and virtual hugs. You know this is a safe space to say whatever it is that you want to.

I am so sorry foxy

foxy

just don't know what to do if this was merely a cry of distress rather than a request for help, stop reading now and don't look at the rest of what I say.

I hope she does pull through, but if it really is the end ...be with her as much as you can (but look after yourself too). Don't badger her to do things she doesn't want to do. Remember that hearing is the last sense to go, so talk to her even if she doesn't seem to hear you. Remember that people often hang on till their loved one has left the room, so don't beat yourself up if this is what happens to you.

Being there for her towards the end will help your grief, everyone feels guilty at not doing more, but doing what you can helps. Have a plan for when she breathes her last (that's what I remember when my mum died, my father saying on the phone in bewilderment "I don't know what to do. What shall I do? Where shall I go?). Then admin arrangements and funeral planning will carry you through the next week or two. And there will be lovely moments, rays of sunshine through the grief.

So sorry foxy

cockroach back to you @Yolofish and so glad @oneday there is another furred one remaining. It helps enormously but grief is grief whether human or furry so please take care of yourself.

Yes, had massive issue over Christmas ( obviously) with the Leaking Legs episode when I also discovered M had not been taking her meds, possibly for some weeks, cue numerous calls to set up social services then private care agency support to supervise med taking; more calls to both that day when the transfer of care didn't work and the pharmacy failed to deliver her new blister pack as instructed ( M had emptied the supply she had) social services, gp, community matron ( fab ally) her cleaner/ help etc etc. Oh and I work full time too.

Marathon, not sprint as @thesandwich wisely says .

foxy big hugs to you. Is she responding to talk? what kind of ward is she on? Dad was transferred to a hospice, so much better than hospital.

mere ah, I see. Glad the ward sister just got on with sending the meds.

So I don't know if you remember my mum got taken into hospital Christmas night but it's looking as if she won't pull through.She has an infection that they can't get under control and thinking only a matter of time .Sorry just don't know what to do.

Thanks everyone, other dog and dd are doing a great job of distracting each other and we're sharing our bed with both of them at the mo. Dh and I will deal with it when we can. Dm doing ok, had morphine and something from the benzodiazepine family to aid her breathing - high as a kite this evening but comfortable. Keeping dd away until she stabilises.

Dint what happens about those tasks on days you don't go round? He does them himself very, very slowly. At the moment he's getting help from district nurses and from reablement team as well. I'm not prepared to go round more than 2-3 days a week, he doesn't want to feel a burden on me. He's very independent and insistent he can cope on his own, I'm hoping this episode will show him that life can be easier with outside agencies.

yolo - it was very easy - I rang ward, was put through to ward sister, who seems to be the phone-answerer on the men's side, explained the situation, said the loss of his own drugs wasn't a problem, I'd got plenty (I sent him in with only 5 days worth just in case they lost them) but he was mid-way through a course of antibiotics. She immediately said "I'll send them across to you", and they arrived in a taxi shortly after. It's the only thing that has been easy.

I know £25 is nothing, but my public sector experience is that unexpected amounts are scrutinised by Accounts, and the smaller they are the more heavily they're scrutinised.

Grinchly !!!! And I was complaining about 12 calls before lunchtime!

cockroach to you grinchly. 26 calls before lunchtime is insane.

Oh oneday I am so sorry about your lovely dog. What a terrible shock. My boy dog died this time last year very suddenly when M was in hospital/ rehab and the roads (2 hr round trip) were iced over. It was all a bit of a surreal nightmare. Mother was utterly vile and selfish about it and I will never forgive her.

She is still here though, and he is not, and so it goes on. And on. Hit a record last Friday of 26 calls made or received about her. Before lunchtime.

cockroach all.

Mrsbert (can't do bold on phone), dm used to enjoy strawberry complan with full fat milk - had to stop as her blood sugar went too high after a while. There's also ensure on prescription that she enjoyed. Don't know whether either would be suitable for your dm. As dint said though all depends on why she's not eating.

food in hospital and food when you are home are very different things though aren't they. once dad refused food, I stopped feeding him even though the hospital carried on trying to - trying being the operative word. It seemed clear to me that he was on his way out about a fortnight before the hospital accepted it.

dint I doubt they will even notice the £25 taxi fare for the meds - and how on earth you organised that I dont know, and bow down to you for it. they'd have said 'fuck off' down here... or call your gp in the morning.

mrsbert totally agree re no bad calories for oldies - anything they will eat/drink, the fuller fat/higher protein the better just to keep them going. But I also agree that the refusal or reluctance to eat/drink can be the beginning of the end, I think it was with my mum. I think that at a certain point they just lack the will... I hope not the case for your mum, but it's worth being able to understand. I fed my mum in the hospital very often, but I think now, what was the point? she didnt want the food, it prolonged her suffering in a way.

Dint what happens about those tasks on days you don't go round?

Bert my mum has lost about 2 stone in 2 years. My dad insisted on taking her to the doc, but nothing was found. She just seems to be getting smaller and smaller with age. is that maybe happening to your mum?