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Elderly parents
Original poster

The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

986 replies

thesandwich · 31/12/2018 19:37

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2019 22:17

Dementia is a bastard. My lovely dad died 12 years ago with dementia and it was the worst thing ever. It turned him into a different person. I couldn't cope at all.

Is it bad that i would trade my mother for him in a hearbeat?

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/02/2019 22:02

Yolo yes the kissing booth requires a steady sort and i think you may too much of the coquette. I, on the other hand, have been likened to a croquette.

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/02/2019 21:59

country oh, that's sad. Dementia is just very sad.

yolofish · 03/02/2019 21:01

thigh I would offer to help with the kissing tent but it sounds a bit grown up for me?
countrygirl I'm sorry, that must have been hard.

countrygirl99 · 03/02/2019 20:36

Went up to visit my mum and dad as it was mum's birthday this week.. my mum asked me how my parents are☹

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/02/2019 20:36

I'll also take good care of the kissing booth featuring the team of silent gigolos.

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/02/2019 20:29

Yolo Bran?! Not more bum talk, please.

Since I'm teetotal I'll woman the gin tent and stop you lot getting arrested.

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2019 20:10

Oooh a fete!! Ive organized a few of those. There is always gin!!

Tethers end - i love it.

Whatever - im sorry for your loss. I can imagine the emotional conflict Flowers

yolofish · 03/02/2019 20:03

LEM the sense of humour is what gets us through... also knowing that we are all or have been in totally impossible situations and that we have complete empathy (as opposed to what has been going on on that poor OP's thread in AIBU where granny left the gas on all day....)

whatever45 · 03/02/2019 20:02

LOVE the fete idea! I'm in! Thank you for making me chuckle Smile

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2019 19:34

The ADs are for us right? Grin

Lovely to see you guys maintaining a sense of humour.

Will take some time to read the thread.

notaflyingmonkey · 03/02/2019 19:12

The refreshments tent could feature neat gin served in pretty tea cups, with an assortment of ADs on the side.

Original poster
thesandwich · 03/02/2019 18:45

😂😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
yolofish · 03/02/2019 18:43

bit worried about the Lucky Dip, wouldnt it be awful if you got your own one back? but with enough bran maybe that not an issue (BAD yolo!)

Original poster
thesandwich · 03/02/2019 17:49

Inspired nota and yolo love it!!! May is too far away...

OP posts:
yolofish · 03/02/2019 17:14

ooh! I LIKE that idea nota. We could have bunting spelling out Tether's End, and cupcakes in a variety of different coloured icing (red: cant cope anymore; amber: someone help me; green: fuck me, I've given up), lucky dip: swap your oldie for one who sounds less annoying, and a 'guess the animal with a hard back' competition? £5 a go on the Octogenarian Death Slide, or 10 goes for £5 if you can bring in someone else's oldie. Drool and the Gang come on stage at dusk... jesus wouldnt it be awful if someone not in the game discovered it?!!

notaflyingmonkey · 03/02/2019 17:07

Yolo I think that's the line up sorted for our Tether's End village fete at May bank holiday!

yolofish · 03/02/2019 16:55

nota has it right... try and get someone else involved whose advice she might take? I did read you AIBU and what you have put here, it's bloody difficult when they wont accept help and you are piggy in the middle.
Welcome to Tether's End, the village that also features the Octogenarian Death Slide, Drool and the Gang and liberal applications of cockroach (ie a toast to our own sanity). I'm sorry you have to be here, but we will try and help as much as we can.

Original poster
thesandwich · 03/02/2019 16:25

lem sorry you have to join us- brilliant advice from the stalwarts on this thread. I would echo lookingat grey rock technique and therapy. Carers association can be helpful too. As others say, buyin what help you can butyou are not responsible for her unhappiness.
Boundaries, pile on the metaphorical Teflon before encounters and be really kind to what a wise poster(whatever) said your future self.
cockroach all!!!

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/02/2019 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2019 10:41

Difficult to go no contact as she lives in the next road.

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2019 10:40

Thankyou everybody- its good (not good) to know im not alone.

Grace yes my mother is vile to me.

Grace212 · 03/02/2019 10:26

whatever sorry to be thick but what's the 15 boxes about?

LEM I think I have seen you post before on other boards but not sure. Is it that your mother has always been horrible to you? What I'm wondering is that she might have capacity but you might be better going NC? I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear. Flowers

whatever45 · 03/02/2019 10:20

Hi Lem just wanted to say hi back. I'm really not much good for any reasonable advice at the mo but just wanted to say that many of us have learnt the hard way that you cannot neglect your own health and well being ( physical and mental). You owe it to your own family and your future self. There is no shame in saying there is a limit to the amount of involvement you can handle.

notaflyingmonkey · 03/02/2019 10:11

Hi LEM welcome to Tether's End. It is a densly populated cul-de-sac where we have plastic hanging baskets and gin washes down the ADs.

Could you try and book a phone conversation with your mother's GP, or write to them outlining your concerns? At least that way you have gone on record trying to get her assessed. Although TBH certainly in our area, having a diagnosis of dementia didn't actually mean that she got any help because of it.

Sometime with that generation they will listen to someone (preferably a man) in authority, before they will listen to us. So if not the GP, a vicar, social services, neighbour, your DH?

But think about yourself in all of this as well. You will see countless posters upthread recommending paying for care where possible (gardener, cleaner, taxi services, etc) to do the stuff that you can outsource. Apply for Attendance Allowance which should cover most of that.

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