The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

Oh that's tough! I think first off, if he is staying for any length of time, fix it so he has his own day space if you can? And stick to your routine, so you aren't stuck "entertaining" him.

I posted a while back when my FIL had a fall and ended up in hospital and you were all very helpful. He has decided he wishes to go into a home and he is here at our house this weekend so we can go look at some.

I find him hard to have around. I have no relationship with him at all. I don't know what to talk about and it so feels very stilted. He has mobility issues and needs some help getting around. DH does this when we have him here.

My biggest fear is that his house will be sold before he gets a place in a home. If this happens he will have to come and stay with us for a while. DH works very long hours. I don't work but I have plenty to do. My home is my safe haven. I don't know how I will manage to have him here. When I speak to my DH about it he dismisses it and tells me I am being silly. I don't feel I am being silly. I am being honest. I find the idea almost unbearable. Am I being ridiculous? How do people manage this?

A reassuring care home story for those who worry. My mum has advanced dementia and just talks in phrases... Message left on DM's whiteboard for my DSis and me by night care team : Sunday: Little Mum is in a GREAT mood. Tonight showed photo of Fortysix Dad and she was happy. Once in bed she says: 'Ok, now just a cup of tea' We adore her!

Wind no gin in the cake please, i have to stay sober to keep these drinkers out of jail.

Paws crossed for your DH from me and the dogs Yolo.

thank you danish I do appreciate it. Treatment: well after the initial diagnosis there were 3 extra colonoscopies, and then I pointed out - as no one else seemed to have noticed - a query about potential spread to lungs so then there were more tests because oncologist wouldn't treat him til after those tests. Which I suppose is fair enough, but it has taken such a long time... I dont know what I need to be honest, I think what I need is for treatment to bloody start so we feel like something is being done!

yolofish
I am in awe that you are in any way holding it together. Aren't there any relative cancer support groups or community groups you can contact, start horseback riding etc 😀. I take it, that you just need to talk and feel some kind of normality?
I know this is not helpfull , but I find it hard to understand that your dh has been waiting four months, don't uk have any treatment guarantees or ensurances to cover treatment? Have been watching A&E programmes 🙄 and always thought that wow you have good hospital services , but that's just TV isn't it?
For what it is worth, I am thinking of you, you have got a hard deal.
💐🍸

I am not sure I am coping tbh. Its more like just crack on where I can. But my motivation for work or anything involving concentation is so low, I just mostly fester on the computer. Walking the dog is good, esp when the weather not too awful, but there is a limit for how long you can do that for (not for her, for me!). i just wish I didnt feel so lonely. My girls are at uni and that's where they should be; my friends are scattered far away, my parents are dead and the relationship, even before the breach, was not one of real support. But you guys are lovely!!

Gin up this end Windgate!

Glad he is sleeping yolo. Horrible to just be waiting.

yolo Really don't know how you are coping with it all. Huge admiration.

we're just in waiting mode dint thank you for asking. The MDT meeting was today and we havent, as yet, had a call saying he needs a colostomy before he starts treatment - which is my biggest fear, but I guess there is still time... Today is 4 calendar months since his diagnosis. So all being well he starts chemoradio on Tuesday. I think it is going to be a rough ride, they are going to hit him quite hard with a view to reducing (quite big) tumour before surgery next summer. He is actually sleeping better now which is a big improvement, but gets very tired. We both just want it to start so that we know something is being done and then we'll deal with the side effects as and when they arise. His parents and sister? hahahahaha! They came for lunch on New Years Day, no contact with sister since. PIL and DH speak on phone once a week. They do keep offering to help but there is really nothing they can do and if they do come and visit they witter on endlessly about all the lovely meals out they've had/little trips away they are planning etc etc.

yolo how's things with your DH?

Am I too late to sign up for the Tether's End fete? I can bring lemon drizzle cake and plenty of gin, hell I can add the gin to the drizzle.

Hello all.
Not much to say. Mum been home from respite 3 weeks now and doing ok. Caught her yesterday bypassing the stairlift to go up on foot 'because it's quicker'. Sigh. I have made it clear to her that I will not be responsible for any outcome of her poor decision making/risk taking.

I'm reading the thread every day and just wanted to say that inspite of all the daily shit you all go through your support for each other, wisdom and quick humour are inspiring

Cockroach, Yolo. And here's to fucking about on the internet. It saved my sanity as a single mum. What did we do before we had it?!

3 cats here. One is a vicious fucker, but lovely in the right mood; one is fat and thick; the 3rd is lovely but bullied by the other two.

Just a minor whinge now, block ears/eyes as necessary. Because my father had the temerity to die in Ireland almost 23 years ago the Inland Rev demand solicitor fills in a different, more complicated form - even though the value of DM estate will not be taxable anyway, although Irish resident he always kept UK bank account into which his naval and other pensions were paid. And this will take at least 13 weeks for Inland Rev to process! Even if weasel solicitor gets his arse in gear...

And I feel really lonely at the moment. DH is doing ok-ish, has slept the last few nights which is much better than before, but he goes to bed at 8ish most nights and so I just fuck about on the internet. If I went to bed at 8 I'd be up by 3am.

cockroach mes amies.

They're listed between £110 and £130 in various places, but mostly out of stock!

Heh, I have a real cat to cuddle, but she's even more brain-wrong than my mother. Manky old ladies in all directions!

Those cats are only 100 bucks stateside. 200 squids over here.

yolo And our local paper had an article on two "robot cats" that the local dementia home had, like beautiful soft fluffy toy cats, but responsive. Would be nice if some kind benefactor shipped a load of them our way, so when things got too much we could sit on the floor in a corner hugging a cat while someone brought us a glass of wine.

Yolo your poor DH. That sounds grim to have gone so long without treatment, even if just from a psychological point of view.

Sending you cockroaches

Hi Yolo , supportive hug from here too. I find many challenging days are made better by moving furniture around too! Trouble is I realised I've started to do it at work as well

Yolo, I’ve been following your posts for some months, so almost feel I know you. Hope things get moving more quickly for dh, you’re due some good news. Enjoy your reorganising.

you don’t realise how awful it is until it hits, do you yes candle, you are right. Its like being a whole new world where you dont know the language, or the social cues...

DH chemoradio been put back by a day because the machine is 'broken' and others have to finish their course before he starts. I do understand that, of course I do - but Thursday will be 4 months since diagnosis and he has had NO treatment. Still waiting for Thurs' MDT meeting to announce he needs a colostomy thereby putting treatment back even further. Not feeling good here.

So to make myself feel better I moved some furniture around today, which involved pinching a bookcase from mums house - has been rejected by DB et al so feel I can take it. Got rid of two horrible really studenty pine shelvy things, replaced with a white one from our hall and a white one from mums. still a mishmash but better!