Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

How much time? Deciding between care at home or care Home?

29 replies

RoxytheRexy · 14/12/2018 09:03

My mum is in hospital and has been for about a month now. She went in with pneumonia very unwell. We were informed she was palliative and now she has rallied to the point we are thinking about discharge home.

Mum was pretty bad at managing at home before admission to hospital. End stage COPD and cognitive decline/paranoia/anxiety. We had issues with her not opening the door to Meals on Wheels and refusing medication etc.

The hospital say she is fit for discharge. My sister attended a meeting with a Social Worker and an Occupational Therapist where they basically said pick a care home and threw a leaflet at her about paying for care (my mum owns her own home so I would imagine we would be self funding). We feel a little blindsided by all this.

Unfortunately this has come at a really bad time. I’m 4 hours drive away and 38 weeks pregnant. My sister is my childcare for my 3 year old when I go into hospital to have an Elective Section on Monday.

We are stuck. We can’t look for care homes this weekend like the social worker asked. We were hoping to try care at home as that has been suggested previously. How can we buy a little time to make some decisions properly?

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 14/12/2018 09:22

I think Grace is right, you have to tough it out and say no - and ask what are the alternatives? It's not even about convenience for you, what they are expecting you to do is impossible, chosing and getting things in place for the right care home takes time (they have to have a space available that suits her requirements, etc).

mayhew · 14/12/2018 09:20

When people have no relatives then SS have to sort the care out. They have to decide if carers going in four times a day will work ( with their own keys) or nursing home is needed. They can and do make these arrangements . If it doesn't work out then they can be changed.

You can be firm and say you are in no position to make these arrangements yourself currently.

MrsPatmore · 14/12/2018 09:11

Did your mum have care at home previously?

Grace212 · 14/12/2018 09:11

if there's no one to look after your mum, tell them it's a safeguarding issue and they can't discharge her to her home.

she sounds like she can't go home at all. They must find a care home for her, even if you have to pay, (which you don't, I think, for the first six weeks).

I think you're probably a victim of the time of year as well - you must stand your ground and tell them there is no one near her to look after her.

I hope you don't mind but I'm going to link to the general thread about parents to see if anyone can advise you further.

with today being Friday, they are really going to try it on - you have to give them a firm "no" and say there is nowhere safe for her to go - which is quite true.

Swipe left for the next trending thread