Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

@teddybot

Hi. I don't have DC but always feel welcome on MN. I'm dithering about maybe moving in with my mum. But I would get a carer when it reached that stage.

Yolo, sorry to hear that. Hope DDog is still a good distraction.

Hello everyone. JiltedJohnsJulie and EduCated welcomed me in the Newbie thread and pointed me over here (thank you both). I've just started reading this section but am only up to page 22. I will read the rest, just wanted to say how sad I feel for those of you coping with what sound like extremely difficult and trying circumstances.

I have no children so am not a Mumsnetter in the true sense of the word, but my Mum came to live with me a few years ago and since then her health has deteriorated and she's been hospitalised several times. She's doing okay at the moment and can get out and about to her various appointments with my help but she isn't steady on her feet so can't really be left alone. I've become her full time carer, which I don't mind at all, but it is proving difficult at times. A friend of Mum's uses the Gransnet site and told me about this one so I joined and hope to get to know and connect with others in similar situation.

glad you had a better day jace. Still waiting for death cert as coroner still has 'concerns'; holding off ordering food for funeral on 27th, just in case. DH situation getting very complicated...

Very spooky!
Had a much better day today
DS 25 and DD 27 give me a fair amount of support thankfully and current situation has brought DB and self closer
Thinking of everyone on thread who’s struggling

Yolo, that is so spooky.

This is so bloody weird... I think most/lots of you will remember Suzy Lamplugh, the estate agent who disappeared in the 80s after showing a house to someone? Her mother, Diana, started the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. Going through an old photo album of my parents' to scan some pix. At the front is sellotaped my birth announcement from The Times - and immediately above mine is Suzy's. Poor girl, and poor family.

thigh we never found out! Laughter is good.

yolo thanks! What was the correct answer? Tbh my sister and i had some real belly laughs in the hospital, mostly through sheer hysteria.

cockroach comes from my DM. on being shown 'a small animal with a hard back' at one of her nursing homes she couldnt name it. DB helpfully suggested 'cockroach'!

@thighofrelief

cockroach is an odd toast that came about here but I'm not 100% sure why. how are things with you?

@Wasywasydoodah

sorry, that sounds really hard. how old is your mum btw? Why are the clothes covered in glass?

I don't know what happens if you don't deal with the finances but hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

Hi. I’m new to this part of the forum though namechanged and been around other parts for years. My MIL has just been discharged from hospital following a 10 week stay. Tbh the health issues causing her to stay are all progressing fine but we’re massively struggling with other issues. She’s in huge debt and trying to help her sort this but she’s angry with us/not wanting to change her situation. She’s very lazy and tends to try and shift her problems on to us, then gets angry with us when we do something. Gahhhh it’s so stressful and here i am not sleeping when I know i have to get the kids up at 6.30 to wash the hedrin out of their hair before school.

While she’s been in hospital I’ve spent days at her place clearing out the junk so she can mobilise safely around now that she has mobility problems and she hasn’t said a word about it. Bought her good storage to help keep things from accumulating in a heap on the floor, washed ALL her clothes because they were covered in broken glass. And all she’s done is criticised me for not involving my SIL in helping because she lives so far away and has her own very significant health issues. Really we ought to sort out POA but I really don’t want to when she’s making such a financial mess. Anyone got any experience of just walking away from the finances when parents are so financially reckless? Gahhhhhhhh

Can i ask what cockroach is please?

Yolo, sorry things don’t seem satisfactory- but as you say, let dB lead.
Jace, things sound really tough. Hope you feel like you get some sort of break. Who is supporting you?
cockroach all.

Yolo my mum's death was also ruled to be 'pneumonia' - she had one day of a barely noticeable crackle but otherwise chest was clear, but they do say it tends to be the final cause of death in many older people.

From our point of view she died because she hadn't eaten in 2 months, but the cause of death seems to be whatever was the final straw, so I don't think it's necessarily that unusual to see pneumonia. They did record humerus fracture and 'chronic multifactorial delirium' as factors though.

Thanks Grace212 - I shouldn’t be so defensive not on AIBU!
I’m just a whirl of emotions at the moment - struggling with trying not to return early to see my Dad but DC and DB assure me he’s ok with no real changes n I need a break

Jace, it was me asking that. Just thought it sounded stressful but glad you are having a better night tonight.

Yes yolo I am! I’m old enough not to feel I have to justify my weird relationship choices to anyone
This evening is more peaceful I’ve just cooked am amazing curry had a few gins and am trying to relax

yolo, I know what you mean re pain relief, I just managed to get it in time for my dad, I think.

Jace, you are away with your ex now?

Thank you for everyone’s kind thoughts
Was listening to something on radio today about how my LA have been criticised by the ombudsman for charging top ups illegally
Didn’t cheer my day
I’m also away for a few days with ex DP (nearly cancelled) but couldn’t get a refund and within easy driving distance of home
However had an awful day today he’s very depressed and doesn’t want to live any more without being actively suicidal
It’s a complicated set up at the best of times and my empathy with him has nearly pushed me over the edge

I honestly dont know... suppose it depends on what DB wants to do, but I guess he can make the complaint if he feels it necessary. Too much on my own plate at the mo x

So what next - do you just accept and move on. You do have so much to deal with at the moment....

super no, it sounds distincly odd to me...

Yolo glad post mortem was done but does that sound right? Not medical so no idea but gosh it sounded so dreadful. Hope you and your husband are coping and that your DB is still on side.
Jace hope you are ok. The double caring is so difficult isn't it.

DM cause of death described as natural: bronchopneumonia (first slight crackle on chest diagnosed on Oct 2, not a word about it since and she died on Nov 1) with ischaemic heart disease as an aggravating factor.

Not quite sure what to think; we wouldnt have wanted her treated (at least I wouldnt) but I would have like seriously better pain relief.

jace that sounds tough, thinking of you.

I am sorry.

One small thing I did when my mother first moved and was worried and disorientated was type up my mother's regular questions and my reassuring answers and stick it in a prominent place. According to the carer, she read it a lot. I hope it provided her with some comfort.