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Elderly parents
Original poster

Won't take a taxi to hospital

36 replies

ragged · 07/06/2018 19:26

Do others have situations like this with elderly relatives? How do these things get handled by others?

ILs live 2+ hours drive away. 84yo FIL, if you met him casually, he seems to have good health, full faculty, perfectly mobile, only treated with some warfarin, but his hip is terrible. He doesn't tell doc about it & would refuse a hip opp, anyway. Walking is tough for him.

ILs don't drive more than 3 miles. FIL has a hospital appt in 2 weeks time, 30 min drive from his home. DH has been asked to go down night b4 to drive FIL to/from the appt (in morning... but could get delayed).

They could afford a taxi, instead. Doesn't need to be DH who drives. FIL commuted by train to work for decades, but they shudder at things like taxi or public transport nowadays. Then again, I think MIL may need to stay home with the dog (not a puppy, they are just weird about max. leave dog alone 1 hour) and she wants DH to just be a support/remember what doc said.

We can juggle other commitments that day, it may be a one-off request. I still feel slightly irked they are so set in their ways and don't even think about other solutions. Is this just a normal level of support folk usually offer their elderly family?

Waiting to hear I'm being very U Blush.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 10/06/2018 14:51

I use hospital transport, it speeds things up usually, the hospital will get you seen to asap because your driver may be waiting for you, and the hospital usually have a lounge for you to wait in where they'll get you a tea/coffee .

WeAreGerbil · 10/06/2018 14:47

There might be a community car scheme run by a local charity with volunteers doing the driving, google community car scheme or community transport with the name of the place, it might feel better than going in a taxi.

Clutchcar10 · 10/06/2018 14:43

Older people get free bus pass it some councils you can swap for a limited amount of taxi rides. To be eligible for free hospital transport you have to meet certain criteria. Some towns have a voluntary paid or free transport system to doctors, hospital or social clubs. The other alternative is to pre book a taxi and pay for it to take PIL to hospital, but they would need to call their own taxi for the return journey. Or you make the journey yourself.

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 20:36

I wonder if I should suggest to DH that he chat to his mum about her Plans B & C if next time neither DH nor BIL can help out.

My elderly father had a bad fall in a hotel last year (luckily nothing broken). Security had to help him get back in bed. If he did that at home, step-mum would have to ring an ambulance to get him off floor (I think?). Their neighbours are few & unhelpful. I wish they had another option. :(

OP posts:
CPtart · 07/06/2018 20:30

PIL have hundreds of thousands in the bank and when FIL had a knee op and needed to get to hospital for follow up (MIL doesn't drive and SIL was working), MIL went knocking on doors up and down the street looking for a lift as they won't pay for a taxi. I was completely embarrassed and mortified for her. MIL now has a bad leg but instead of installing a downstairs loo or stairlift is hauling herself precariously up and downstairs? Just waiting for the phone call to say she's on the floor.Head completely in sand.
2+ hours away is utterly ridiculous. I would probably do it as a one off but be very nervous about what they expect in the future. What plans and preparation are they making for if FIL becomes immobile?
Many years as a district nurse and seeing the state some elderly people are willing to end up in through lack of forethought and unwillingness to spend on care in their old age "what they've worked for all their life for" maybe taints my view.
YADNBU.

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 20:21

They'd be horrified about taking hospital transport. It means waiting around for ages & ages, doesn't it?

But in long run, yes, hospital transport may need to consider. They need to get used to this "getting old" lark.

I should check what appt is for; I get the impression it's an annual regular check for something longstanding, not a new concern.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 07/06/2018 19:54

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. What’s the apppintment for?

I do think you need to accept, as we all need to, that our parents will all need more from us as they age.

savingmysanity · 07/06/2018 19:45

Would they be eligible for hospital transport? If they are,its door to door but will have a wait at either end for them to be picked up again. But does negate the taxi issue

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 19:35

I swear I am not going to be like that in my dotage. I'll go willingly into the residential care community for a start.

ILs are pretty good folk overall. I'm just wondering if a pattern will develop. My own parents are also starting to touch upon frail, but too far for me to offer casual help.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 07/06/2018 19:34

As you said he is 84 I think somebodyif they can should go with him they should

MrsJayy · 07/06/2018 19:32

Yanbu but he has asked your dh could sayhe can't manage ifhe really doesn't want too be stuck going or maybe ring the hospital to ask about patient transportbut it sounds like they are asking for support. . My parents would rather poke pins intheir eyes than take a taxi anywhere they can afford it I guess they are stuck in their ways