Helping 81 year old Mum living solo to eat more - some dementia and not hungry!

Is she constipated? That would reduce her appetite.

Ask the Local Authority Adult Social Care department for a Needs Assessment. Privately funded Care in the Home provision may run from a nearby Care Home.

Try Age UK and Unforgettable ( www.unforgettable.org ) for advice and products.

Hi OP - to help with knowing when it's time to eat, there are things called day clocks which can be set up with reminders and are also much more dementia-friendly than normal clocks and calendars.

Have you tried Apetito? They're the cooked meals side of Wiltshire Farm Food. They've replaced the Meals on Wheels service in many areas.

My mum, who's now moved into a care home as she became very bad with Alzheimer's, had them in her final few months in her own home. The two course meal was delivered every day and set out for her. They can also do sandwich and cake as a 'tea' for later. My mum had a special soft diet (not pureed but more tender meals) as her Alzheimer's meant she had problems swallowing and could choke on harder food. She's also diabetic. Apetito drew up a 7 day diet for her which was approved by the hospital.

They don't offer the service in every area but you can find out if they deliver in your mum's area on their website Apetito.co.uk. I honestly think we'd have lost mum late last year if it weren't for their help.

Does she have her pills in a blister pack? Our local pharmacy will divide the pills up so instead of counting one from this packet and two from another, you just have to pop open the next window in the box. A bit like an advent calendar, but divided into 4 times a day.

Soup with cream added if poss. M&S do a a good Bacon and Lentil soup for a quid, then add single cream from the fridge and it fattens up. Full fat butter on toast of course.

Chocolate isn't healthy but it is moreish and these snacks are better than nothing.

Shortbread biscuits are rubbish but are actually fattening.

Protein shakes, a quid from Co-op.

Berocca in water with Fibregel is also good.

I suppose make sure that visitors really are staying that long to get her to eat. Tales of them hanging around for 10 mins or so.

What about Skype can you work that sort of thing. You could have meals 'together' from time to time.

I had/have a similar problem with my Mom. We bought ready meals and they were going uneaten. It took me a while to realise she couldn't understand the cooking instructions. I started putting post-it notes with how to cook them on them and she got better at eating.

She also had a social services assessment and they suggested icare as they deliver hot and cold meals and you can pay extra for someone to sit with them while they eat.

I decided to go with a 1 hour visit per day from care providers. One of the main aims of the visit is to ensure she's eating. They make her breakfast, prepare a sandwich and write cooking instructions on her evening meal. What they've prepared is noting in her log book and the following day they check to see if it's been eaten. The hour also gives her social interaction as she's fairly antisocial and prefers to be in the house than go out.

Mom doesn't have a diagnosis yet but I wanted to act sooner rather than later. I live 125 miles away so having someone going in everyday takes a little bit of pressure off me.

Other good suggestions above, but Diolyte if she has diarrohea.

Forticreme can be prescribed - it's not cheap however. It's a high vitamin yoghurt.

Maybe she is intending to have a proper meal but when it comes to tea time she just doesn't feel like eating or she is struggling with the process of making herself something but doesn't want to admit it.

You could try having de shelled boiled eggs, cut up cheese and cut up fruit/veggies, sausage rolls and quiches ready to go and maybe some bars of chocolate.

Does she have to walk to the table with a plate?

It's difficult to know when to step in and when not to. A lot of older people don't want to ask for help and don't want to be a bother.

What about buying her high cal foods. Also meal replacement milkshakes that you can get from the doctor. They are called Ensure or Fortsips.

Dehydration cam make a big difference. If you can get her to drink she may then start to eat more.

I definitely agree with the poster who suggested nourishment and nutriment meal replacement drinks. The are much nicer than the ensure energy drinks that people get prescribed. When I came back from Mexico with dengue fever my mum bought them for me as I had completely lost my appetite and lost a lot of weight.
Also it's good if she has a bottle of water to sip from throughout the day with the fruit bowl.

TBH it sounds like she has reached the need for round the clock care. Can she move in with one of you so that you can be around to give her meals at the right times? Sound like she shouldn't really be on her own. It's a rotten time, I really hope you get round the issues

Try Age Concern / Connects- they may offer meals on wheels types service. Also try the royal voluntary service. Social service referral seems like it's needed too. Agree with pp notes / whiteboard sadly won't help but a small notebook for you & your siblings to use to communicate who has done what & what meals/ shopping has been provided. The GP should be able to prescribe milkshake type drinks that are packed full of goodness to boast her up. Good luck OP.

I would definitely recommend getting some Complan shakes in for her.

Food bring easy to eat can make a big difference. My grandad struggled with "proper" meals but would happily eat scrambled eggs with toast cut up or eaten by hand.

Packaging gets harder to open - even if it's just taking off the lid from a yogurt. Will she eat fruit? If she eats biscuits then try getting the meal replacement ones - bŕevita or similar.

This isn't an answer but it might help a bit. Good luck.

When my grandmother had dementia my mum used to buy her Complan.

Hello there... when I was younger I became the main carer for my grandmother in a similar situation.
Food needs to be really tasty and possibly sweeter than she used to like and try to get things that have a lot of calories in a small amount, so full fat yoghurt with honey and chopped nuts, dried apricots/ raisins can be put in a bowl with a fruit bowl in a strategic position where she will likely see it and think time for a snack.
Crackers with ham/tinned mackerel/smoked salmon with cream cheese. Easy to eat in small amounts but nutritionally dense.
With diverticulitis it could be irritated by refined carbohydrates. So avoid white bread, rice etc
Age concern website has suggestions for food ideas I think.
Contact social services older care team for her area they can arrange occupational health to do an assessment of adaptations and aids needed to maintain independence and may provide a carer to come once a day to provide a meal and check she is eating. Good luck there is support out there.

Worth getting a social services assessment who may be able to point you in the direction of care support- age uk etc. And local meals on wheels or equivalent. A carer at lunchtime might help to make sure she eats. Introducing carers earlier rather op than later is a really good plan.

What about supplying her with some nice (calorific) drinks. Something like Dunn's River Nourishment which comes in a can (banana, strawberry, vanilla or chocolate).

I found the meals from 'Cook' very good with my late husband...he couldn't eat much due to his cancer and surgery and was quite erratic with when he would eat.

As they were in the freezer...and many could be cooked in either oven or microwave from frozen there was very little wasted and could be ready to eat quite quickly. We also found the children's portion meals quite useful as smaller portions. Have a look on their website...they were efficient and delivery guy very helpful.