Probably going down in flames...

238 replies

Ophelialovescats · 04/05/2018 18:40

I am saying something here that I cannot say in real life , so ,here goes....I am looking forward to my elderly mother's death...
OMG ! I am evil !

OP posts:

JoanFrenulum · 04/05/2018 20:26

I've a friend whose similar mother recently died. One didn't know what to say; "condolences" was clearly inappropriate, but "congratulations" didn't feel quite right either.

Original poster

Ophelialovescats · 04/05/2018 20:24

Wolf, I am part of her care team alongside my sister and brother. I dreading my turns with her because she is impossible. I can care for her physically, bathing, dressing,etc., but being with her is unbearable,as she is totally self obsessed. She takes no interest in me or my family and I feel like a servant around her.

OP posts:

thesandwich · 04/05/2018 20:00

You are not evil at all. There are many here who understand and will nod in agreement. The unfair treatment is also one many of us recognise. Vent away.

Izzywigs · 04/05/2018 19:09

My mother died 2 years ago at 94. Thus ending my 70years of torment. I looked after her till the day she died. I felt that I had been let out of prison, it was such a relief.
I really believe that if MN had been around when I was younger I would have had the courage to walk away.

Wolfiefan · 04/05/2018 19:04

Why do you have to care for her? I'd be NC if my parents made me feel like that.

craigglen · 04/05/2018 19:02

If you were saying that because she was elderly and I'll I would sympathise. I faced a situation with a parent where I realised that them dying was the best option for them.
Wishing someone dead for the reasons you mention - no, I don't think that's ok. It doesn't sit comfortably with me.

Blobbyweeble · 04/05/2018 18:57

I was relieved when both my parents died and I loved them both, they were the best parents but it was time. I miss them dreadfully but I couldn’t, in all conscience, wish them still alive, in pain and unhappy.

Eryri1981 · 04/05/2018 18:55

My dad died from an aggressive brain tumour in the summer, the diagnosis the year before was devastating, losing the dad I had known all my life when he walked off to the anaesthetics room before his neurosurgery was when I did almost all of my grieving. His death 11 months later was a massive relief, and the bout of pneumonia he got was a gift.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/05/2018 18:51

My uncle told me there is a relief when elderly parents die. Like being emancipated.

CMOTDibbler · 04/05/2018 18:50

Not evil. It will be a blessing when my mum and dad die - effectively mum died years ago when dementia took everything that was her, and dad is in massive pain all the time with no quality of life.

Original poster

Ophelialovescats · 04/05/2018 18:47

Thank you for those messages...she is not physically unwell , just a massive burden due to self obsession (and depression) .
She was not always a good mother to me , treating me differently to my siblings,which makes me feel resentful of having to care for her .

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Midthreademergencynamechange · 04/05/2018 18:44

Not at all. Sometimes it is a blessed relief all round when someone dies.

hatgirl · 04/05/2018 18:43

Not evil.

Theres a reason why pneumonia used to be referred to as Old Man's Friend.

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