Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

Annan, you must be livid. So hard to handle.
And yes, Shakespeare........😂😂😂
Little, sorry to hear about your mum
And yolo I’m speechless....... I hope tracie is still in place...... your dm certainly wins all the prizes.....

oh annan that bit about Shakespeare not looking after his demented mum made me laugh! so sorry your DM is doing this about the house and making you all run circles.

littlespace my dad dropped dead 8 weeks before my oldest was born. The shock and the grief was very hard to bear, but I actually think it was easier than this constant strain, the anxiety every time the phone rings.

DM's new plan is to go and live next door to DB and DSIL. This on the grounds that they are both retired and will have plenty of time for her. I dont think so: they do childcare for 4 gc (DM not keen on smalls); they run a gardening business. And most importantly, DSIL looked after her own mother for years, she doesnt need to repeat the exercise with MIL; they want to move house shortly so DM would put the kibosh on that; and if DM thinks she is lonely where she is she would be a fuck of a lot more lonely at the bottom of a very steep unmade up road. Poor DB coming again tomorrow, leaving his home and family again because DM says she is 'paralysed' at home.

Just tell yourself you are doing amazingly well and try to ignore the snipes. You and your immediate families are magnificent!

I was heartbroken when my lovely mother died with little notice. My one comfort is that I will always remember her in her prime. I just hope that Dad gets a bit more cooperative. I don't think I would have the deep well of patience some of you keep having to find.

So tough yolo. Where do the people that we remember and love go? Can't help feeling that it was all very well Shakespeare writing 'love alters not when it alteration finds' but iirc it wasnt him at home in Stratford caring for his demented mother.

My own M is planning to pull out of her most recent house purchase. Again. She found a place, saw it (after my sister and i had dropped everything to facilitate it), offered for it. Admittedly we strongly encouraged her to do that because we thought it was perfect. Within 24 hours she was starting to complain about the price, having said the money was fine. My sister, brother and i are sniping at each other because we can't agree how to handle it. At work today there was a rude, unpleasant (terrified, unwell, confused) 90 year old and i felt a grim moment of anger before finding my care again. I absolutely cant let this affect my work.

Yolo I have no idea how you are managing your way through this. You are a better woman than me!!! Extra she is utterly unbelievable.

she has now rung my brother and one of her friends: she is left alone all day and no one feeds her. This is clearly not true, today alone she has so far had Tracie til 9ish, carers at breakfast time and lunchtime, plus her cleaner (friend) and a visit from a physio. Tracie is now back there for the rest of the day and I will go over after collecting DD1 from work so 5.45ish. She wants the number of the Samaritans as she is so lonely... and has been very rude to Tracie. If Tracie leaves she is stuffed. I may have to point that out to her tonight, should be another fun visit.

thank you sandwich I think I am going slowly insane.

Worst thing is, I really dont like the person she is now, so imperious and demanding and difficult. Its not how I want to remember her, I honestly wish - and think she wishes - that it would all be over. She takes so little pleasure in anything, totally negative about everything and that pushes people away. She was vicious to me and DD1 this morning, and then the next minute moaning about what a trouble she is. It's hard to take and hard to rise above although I do try.

Oh yolo! 😮😮 won’t she stay put? It must be so hard for you.🌺🌺

pickle that's a bit off of MIL, she must know everything that you are dealing with.
sandwich have a lovely time and do NOT think of DM!

DM fell over this morning - think that means she'd been home 40 hours without incident. She called Lifeline, who called me and DD1 and I went round to pick her up. She says she was standing up as instructed once an hour... she had been given breakfast and would only have been due to be alone max an hour as physio going in at 11am, then a lunch carer, then Tracie at 2pm.
So now I am going to have to get someone to sit in the mornings as she is clearly not safe to be alone.
Fucks sake!

Brilliant news yolo. Long may it last.
Pickle, how rude of her. A horrible thing to say. Be5 dh was upset.
We are off on hol tomorrow- after stocking dm up with everything imaginable and visits from dbs have been —demanded— facilitated by me.....

That's brilliant Yolo . Such great news and a huge relief for you.

well only 4 hours there today, 2 this morning and 2 this evening. good news is that she and Tracie are getting on very well, and Tracie is now going to do from 2pm until the following morning, time of leaving dependent on whether she has another old lady/gentleman to go to. I lurrve Tracie! had the local intermediate care team assessment, mum NOT safe to walk anywhere alone even with zimmer (so how could she walk 20m in the care home??) ICT will organise physio some time next week so in the meantime she is having private physio but we cant tell ICT team this or else they will withdraw their support. Enablement Team woman Kelly is also bloody lovely, takes no shit from mum but in a kind way and that team should come in 3 x a day for next 3 weeks. so we are kind of getting there...

how's everyone else doing?

🌺🌺yolo. So sorry.

I am broken after 3 hours with DM. Cba to go into it all, but if her carer manages one night I will be surprised. Sorry chaps to be so negative, but and bed and possibly switching the phone off seem like the most sensible options now.

love, teflon, comfort food/alcohol of your choice to all xxx

YOLO, everything crossed for you. for later.
Miss, Would an ot referral be helpful to see if they could provide some equipment to keep her independent?

Miss, what about a pendant alarm for the falls risk?

Is there a lunch club locally and perhaps volunteers who might take her there?

Hey everyone, I’m new here but I would love some advice. My DG (grandma) is in her late 80s, utterly deaf, unstable on her feet, totally with it mentally, but physically increasingly frail. She’s really independent but my DM and her brother are starting to tear their hair out with occasional falls and feeling like ‘a prisoner in her own home’. She refused a cleaner but has a gardener. My parents own her house so could move her but I think she would refuse...
Any advice?

thank you pickle no doubt I will regale you all later with tales of horror!
Enablement Team is meant to turn up some time after 5; sleep-in lady at 7pm. District nurse prob not til tomorrow depending on what time nursing home gave her the klexane jab. Independent Care Team coming tomorrow at 11am and I am expected to be there - may be tricky as have to leave to drop DD1 at work at 11.30 so will have to see what happens with them.

Operation Free Mum not going well. Taxi turned up at 3pm as booked and refused to take her as 'not wheelchair friendly'. Home have booked another one for 4pm so I'll go round to hers at 4.30 as can only imagine she is hysterical by now, thanks for small mercies her mobile appeared to die yesterday or else I'd probably be hysterical too.

Oh yolo it doesn’t get better does it? Same happened with dm- I ended up having to badger the laundry lady and extract dms things. V bad about infection/ drugs too. Do you think you will need this place again?
When you think about the costs.... are you ok? Fingers crossed for sleeper in person.

oh and they have also lost most of her clothes because they arent labelled. again, no one told me and I was expecting to take stuff home for washing..