Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

Using telecare to keep an eye on mum. We have a couple of motion detectors dotted around the house and the idea is to watch for patterns and judge when to phone or visit . It’s worked fairly well these last few days while dad is in hospital.

So sorry lello. That must be so hard.
Pickle- sounds exasperating. Hi nota and yolo- patience is very much required in this game, along with gin.

Sorry to hear that Lello we are here when you need us.

Try and factor in some self care in amoungst your hospital visits.

Not doing great here, DM still in hospital (over 2 months now), still delirious (I get a new name whenever I visit now), pretty much immobile, not eaten in a month, refusing meds and drinks, infections etc etc etc...

Just gets worse whenever I see her, can't see any light at the end of this tunnel right now

glad you are home safe pickle, and glad sooner than planned (for your sanity). hope you can have a lovely peaceful easter long w/e

how is everyone doing? sending all strength. just back from DM, fuck it's like talking to eeyore... she'd spent 3 hours trying to do a waitrose online shop and failed; I spent 30 mins reloading and then she decided not to bother, she will get Andy the Taxi to take her tomorrow (good luck Andy). My nephew offered to visit for day over easter with wife and baby - she told him no because traffic/day trippers would be awful (but complains of loneliness). THEN she announced that my SIL has to have chemo again. Which is awful, but kind of up there above the failed waitrose shop?? And clearly she has my darling SIL in her grave already when in fact that may not be the case.... for us all.

Glad to hear about the walk and half pickle!
Needmoresleep, that’s so hard but as you say she is still herself in some ways. I hope you are having treats for you too.
Along, hope things are going as well as possible.
We are currently on holiday but still have arrangements to make for dm..... and breathe!!

I've seen my mum two weekends in a row. She was rude but happy. The day she stops her barbed comments will be the day I know she has gone. Still another small deterioration. She can now barely sign her name. Its slow, really slow, as she has been living with disabling memory loss for a decade, but we are losing her. The saddest is that she does not know her grandchildren so cannot take pleasure in the progress they are making towards their own independent futures.

Along- I’m sorry, as you say it’s waiting for the next thing.
So glad the carers are stepping up- as you say, trying to keep routine for your Mum is vital. No info re OT- except I have always found them really responsive and helpful, especially If it means that your dad can be discharged. Is there a discharge team you can speak to at the hospital? Good luck.

Dad fell yesterday and fractured his hip. He hadn’t been great for the last week and we were kind of waiting for something to happen. He’s in hospital - surgery tomorrow

Mum has advanced Alzheimer’s. They were together at lunch club when he fell and I do think it’s merciful she has forgotten the specifics . Carers and lunch club all being lovely and stepping up with offers of help. Mum went to evening classes all her life and did yoga till her mid-70s. She’s got in her head that the lunch club is an exercise class so she’s very up for keeping on going while he’s away

We know the council OT team already so I’ve emailed to ask if they would come and review the house in preparation for his discharge. No idea if their protocols allow for that but seems worth a go.

Grateful for any other experience

Extra supplies pickle on their way! seriously can you escape for a bit for a coffee/ walk? You’re definitely in line for that look after yourself.

pickle you are a bloody hero - did you say you are there for a week? you did, didn't you... I can cope with max 45 mins of DM most nights of the week (unless I am away) and then have to leave and have 3 cigs on the 2 min walk home. Big respec' girl, keep on the whatever gets you through the night (and day).

Time to crack open that

Pickle, can I slip a good supply of and plus a hefty supply of Teflon for the shouldersinto your bag? Take care.

Thank you for your very kind replies. My best wishes.

Turismo, don't forget that you will have been grieving for the person your mother was for quite a while.

So when she passes it is fine to feel relief, both for you and her, and also pride that you rose to the challenge of caring. Many many people don't manage to. And to finally celebrate the person she was.

Old age is hard. Make time and space for yourself and get help where you can.

Turismo you are not a wimp! Just voicing what so many of us feel. No wimps here but lots of competent, successful, people who are finding the world of dealing with elderlies challenging beyond anything they have ever dealt with- and knowing that decline is inevitable. And here we can rage, complain and share the frustrations and pain of caring, and the fear,obligation and guilt that comes with it. Do not forget you deserve joy and happiness too.b