Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

Would letting relative know the equipment is free help? Would they listen to a vicar/ neighbour? Could. Age uk help? I’m sure they have factsheets etc on how to live independently at home.... etc....

I’m sure the GP has already suggested it tbh.

No they’ve got nothing like that and IMO needs their home looking at for access. This is the issue.

Can anyone suggest a way I can persuade an elderly relative to get assessed by social services? Relative is convinced this would be the first step towards residential care which they are adamant they don’t want. Fair enough but to me support from social services is the best way of ensuring that the relative stays in their own home, which is happily ground floor and easy access. Am I missing something?

My Dad has his blue badge.

Moving onto organising downstairs bedroom. It takes about three months for him to mull a suggestion over and another three months until implementation!

One step at a time.

Hi all thanks for being there.
Timeistight I hope things move in the right direction. I agree about this causing a strain at home. I really don't know how to avoid this it's very hard on everyone.
Yes I think I might've posted a while ago with concerns about my Dad. He's doing well now and settled in a home. In the battles with Mum I now find going to visit Dad strangely relaxing and a comfort.
Being a little selfish today and have taken some time off to just be at home in the sunshine with my four footed best friend.
Hope everyone has a restful weekend.

Afternoon all. Long time lurker and occasional poster here.

I can hardly dare believe it but, after four years of deterioration, my poor MIL, who can no longer read, write, make a phone call, manage her own medication, remember anyone's birthdays, operate her cooker or washing machine, is going to have a brain scan next week.

Thankfully, her condition was spotted by a hospital doctor, who asked the GP to refer and we managed to get an initial assessment, which gives us a working diagnosis of 'some kind of dementia' last month.

She has been shamefully neglected by her DC, who are all in some degree of denial, and the stress of watching her decline being ignored has nearly broken me and my marriage.

I pray that we are going to be able to move forward now.

Thank you to posters on this thread from whom I have learnt so much about what should be happening.

Along, sounds like things are moving but it is still so sad.
Whatever- I know it’s early for but have some anyway. Please try and take time to breathe.
Hope everyone else is doing ok!

We’re moving forward as best we can

Had to do the Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards process for dad this week. The assessor was lovely and it all seemed to go ok. My brother refused to take part - he’s not coping too well.

I got the managers of the nursing home to come and see mum today and between us we interested her in going in for a short stay and see how it goes. Heart rending stuff.

Dd2 is going tomorrow to help her pack a bag for a weeks stay and then we’ll take her on Saturday and see what happens . I went back to see her tonight and she was still very positive about it. House is not home without dad and she doesn’t want to be there without him.

Mumisaworry - was it that obvious that I had already opened a bottle? Hope you are ok? The house situation will be a whole new nightmare as arrogant idiot brother lives there too ( our old 5 bed family home). Also just found out youngest teenager upset a friend on social media. Have removed phone but no brain space to work out how to deal with that one.Blaming myself for being a bad mother as well as everything else. More wine anyone?

Large glass of wine to you @whatever45

I too am drowning, physically and mentally. Although Mum is safe and being cared for very well in the home, the work I am having to do to "pack up" her previous life is overwhelming.

I'm facing it again tomorrow and then, I am taking Sunday and Monday off from it all. Fuck it. It'll all be there waiting for me again Tuesday

Mum now in a rehab home and being high maintenance. Latest is that her purse was 'stolen' during the transfer to rehab Home.
Dad has been in a home since 2 days before Christmas when Mum and brother ( who lives with them and is an arrogant idiot) decided overnight that they couldn't have Dad there any longer. The home was a rush decision and although staff are great the home is not exactly 'luxurious'.
I spent Monday in A and E with Mum and then took Tuesday off to deal with aftermath. Rest of week I've been madly trying to make the time up at work. I have 3 teenage children, foreign students.", a dog to walk and a very supportive other half.
I just feel like I've dragged myself through the week going through the motions. I can put on a front most of the time but feel on the verge of tears all the time.
The constant pressure to see my parents, answer texts, be everywhere that everyone needs me to be is suffocating. Can't see anyway out of this.
Mum texting me about being lonely and a bit low. Poor Dad has no one to visit except me.
To top it all, during time in A and E Mum announced that marrying my Dad was a mistake.
Brilliant.

Hello all. Can I give another to needmoresleep for menti9ning the poa refund?www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney-refund
Just applied as has dB for his in laws.
Prosecco hopefully all round.... and good news re blue badge. A big faff to get but really useful.
Good luck and to all others.

I agree, I have had to do it after a crisis and it's been a really difficult time. Mum is settling in nursing home but I am having to clear her flat and dispose of everything without her really understanding what's going on. I wish she had moved before when she would have had some input into the decisions and it would have be a less traumatic time. Instead, it all weighs heavily on me.
Good luck

Had a few scares now with mum heading off on her own. On Sunday she went out twice - in the morning we were going to see her and bumped into her on nearby road....phew. We have a DIY tracker device in her handbag and that evening I happened to check it and saw she was out. DD ran down there to find out she’d gone out, got lost, nice man had brought her home but she couldn’t find her key and he was on the verge of calling police.

We ended up reporting her missing to the police yesterday. In fact she had made her own way to the lunch club - never happened before. But it’s too risky.

So I think we need to persuade her into the nursing home where my dad is. Have been reading the Contented Dementia book for advice. We’ve done well to get to this point but we’ll need to sell their house to fund both of them being in nursing home so no turning back. Very weighty decision.

We use the 3rings telecare - very good and excellent support if any problems

Well done Sandwich. It is a long and depressing form. But the money is useful, especially if you can pursuade your 'oldies' to use it to make life earier. Taxis, cleaner etc.Plus it opens the door to other benefits like Council Tax remission.

I just got notice that my mums Blue Badge has been approved. So I can take her for tea at the beach to celebrate..and have somewhere to park.

A small one but anyone who applied for a POA since, I think April 2013, is due a small refund, about £50. Martin Lewis or OPG have details. The money goes to the donor but anyone can do the application as long as you have their bank details. You dont apparently need a receipt, and it is supposed to be easy. Perhaps I coukd treat DM to a bottle of prosecco when I take her to the beach. That would be interesting.

For whatever reason my DM has been a lot brighter and more cheerful over the last couple of months. She is still very handicapped by her memory loss, but she is the best she has been for a while. It's not obvious why.

Thank you for the welcome, I think I'm going to find the advice and support will be very needed. Already found that saying 'safe guarding concern' seemed to get things moving a bit x