Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

Hello everyone.

My father assaulted me this morning. He had been at the police station very confused and with a knife (sporting knife and he has many). The police asked me to meet them at his flat to remove all the other knives.

Shortly after they left he accused me of stealing his wallet, kicked me and kicked a unit. I said I was leaving and then he pushed me in the bed and had an office chair on top of me. I was asking him to stop it, get off me feeling terrified. His mobile phone rang and I asked him to get it but he wouldn't . The house phone rang and I was able to push the chair off and grab the phone and screamed for help and to call the police. Dad was then swinging punches at me, missing but I picked up a hole punch thinking fuck I'm going to have to hit him. I begged him to let me get my stuff and leave so he let me in the kitchen (where there was more space) but he had his fists raised swinging them at me. All the while I'm begging him not to do this. He was smiling all the way - I think he enjoyed seeing me frightened. He wouldn't get out of the doorway and although he was saying go on then get out I was frightened to get too close to him. He then put his arms down and I made a run for it.

The same police officers arrived and my brother came. I thought they weee going to section him but didn't.

Now got the Mental Health Crisis Team at my Dads to assess him. I'm in the car park after explaining what happened. My brother's up there with them. I hope they section him as he's not safe, I'm not safe.

I'm due to go on holiday tomorrow too☹️

What a horrible horrible day.

whatever that sounds as though the staff are on the case, but horrible for you while she's anxious. pickle it's kind of the other way round here - mum wants to be independent and do everything, but cant. I guess the difference is the age when widowed, mum was 66 when dad died and living in another country from us, and I had DD1 8 wks later, so she really had to learn her independence immediately. Now its going/almost gone its very hard for her - giving up driving etc (although that is a world benefit tbh). good news is she's very happy with her carers, an hour a day of chat, housework etc, she likes them and it means I dont have to panic if I actually cant get in because I know she's seen a friendly face in the morning.

Just popping in to say hi. Hope everyone has a good day today. Brief update here is that we have a meeting to discuss mums future on Monday. Meanwhile she keeps phoning me in tears as think she's very worried and also new medication making her emotional. I had chat with staff at the rehab Home who quite rightly explained they are deliberately getting her to do things independently so that she can see realistically what it would be like if she goes home. Fortunately they seem to have got a good measure of the whole situation and seem very on it.

Being cantankerous is how they keep going i think. Sorry to hear that yolo- does she/ would she use a frame etc?
pickle - 😇 award for you. Plus 🍫and

yep nephew and wife picked her up etc then came round to see us, didnt tell me as he "wasnt sure you'd want me to Grandma" so first I heard was when I went round to see her this evening. She is like a frail little baby bird now... but still bloody cantankerous! and pickle I so know the adopting your suggestions as if they were her idea. etc

DM had another fall yesterday - my nephew, wife and baby were visiting, she was just chatting in the kitchen and went over sideways. Very bruised, hasnt called doc or anything and is just resting. Honestly, I'm glad we didnt have the mercy dash to A&E over a boiling hot bank holiday w/e when we had loads on etc, but I suppose I am anticipating the inevitable broken hip now. osteoporosis/arthritis are not going to let up are they?

Mrs Reynolds that sounds awful. So sorry.
There are no pearls of wisdom or wise words just and 🍫.
Good to see you yolo.

Hi everyone 🖑
Mum has been in hospital again - I got a call at 3am yesterday morning.
Couldn't breathe and chest pain
Upshot is nasty chest infection.
Had to rule out a PE as she has not long flown.
She's just home with antibiotics now but I'm shattered....didnt sleep well last night and currently have an ear infection so feeling pretty sorry for myself today.
I always feel quite....odd...after mums been in a and e/on a ward.
You see such awful sights :(
I've read her discharge report and it states she has severe emphysema. First time that's been mentioned :(
She has a uti too but she won't have the op to correct the prolapse so...
She also wont have to op to fix her occluded graft so....
I can only do what I can do.
It's scary though.
I can see the future and it's bleak :(

nothing to report from my end really, same old... but just wanted to drop in and send all good things to those struggling.

Couple them with textbooks for my student daughter and Amazon never offers me anything interesting. Not a bad thing.

That’s a good tip nms..... bet that does wonders for your Amazon reccomendations....you bought this so you might like this....... ours has some glorious mobility aids.....

We have Groundhog Day. The carer announces she has found an interesting new cranberry juice. Would my mother like to try some. The same conversation at the beginning and end of each call.

But like everyone she has off days. The strips, which I had not realised you could buy, give us chance for a quick and early check. The last small decline in capacity was her forgetting how to link hunger with looking in the fridge. So no point leaving stuff for her. It needs to be given to her. The next small decline is her forgetting how to write her name. But she is still alert and people she meets casually have no idea there is a problem.

MIL has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, vascular dementia and temporal lobe shrinkage. DH has told her this morning, but it's not registered.

We're now trying to figure out where we go from here as she lives alone, has been housebound for the last four years and gets about five hours a week company from her DC. We have no clue as to whether she has capacity or not. Her default position is immediate refusal and has been for a long time.

I was her favourite DIL, but she's not been able to recognise me for the last six months.

Sending good wishes to all.

Things are same-old same-old here. CMOT and I are probably the only ones from the origional thread. But I am learning all the time.

My new tip. DM tends to be prone to UTIs in hot weather as she does not drink enough. You can buy urine testing strips and pots from amazon. She was a bit off last week so the carer tested her. The GP was content to take our word for it so prescribed antibiotics which the pharmacy delivered. All fine now, crisis averted and no rushing around, so energy saved for when it is really needed.

Oh, pickle. That sounds so worrying, and exhausting.

Oh pickle I am sorry to hear.... must be so hard. Do you have a spare key? Does she have a keysafe?
She is still grieving- as are you. and 🍫🍫 for you.

Along it is not surprising you feel as you do. Remember what the nurse said. You have done all you could and more.
Enjoy the sunshine.🌺🌺

Mum and dad now both in nursing home. I’m confident we’d exhausted home care but nonetheless feeling bad. My mum is the feisty woman she raised me to be. How would this be easy?

Pickle thank you that is very reassuring. She said they were going to phone me so hopefully that's what they will want to discuss. You're right, I'm sure we are not the first awkward family situation that they have come across.